Pituitary Tumour AWARENESS - What it is like living with day to day !!

Pituitary Tumour AWARENESS -

What it is like living with day to day !!

 

Goooooooooooooooooooood Morning to one and all - and firstly I have to apologise - I see on my main page that I have loads of comments - but my brain cant comprehend how to actually see them !! So please bear with me - EVENTUALLY I will get someone to show me ! - lmao- then i will forget ;) !! - Like I just forgot to give the dog any of my toast - and she is starring at me with daggers ( She USUALLY has toast every morning - and it sets her up for the day )  and I actualy had no excuse as the bloody cat ( Just the one cat - Derek - as Rodney is a good boy and KNOWS how to behave ! ) BUT Del has left his marks upon me from shinning up and down my back and arms trying to nick the toast from me - BUT - I just kinda blanked that out as he was doing it !! So now im covered in marks - that's are bleeding - and OMG - HOW CAN THEY BLEED - WHEN - IF I GO TO GET MY BLOODS TAKEN - THE PHLEBOTOMIST CAN NEVER GET A VEIN - and usually uses either between fingers or back of hand or foot !! - Next time I will take derek and some toast along I think !! Anyways - these marks will now ballon up - and bruise like I have been kicked and punched all over - and I will look like a domestic abuse case - doesn't help that I wont cover up either - WHY SHOULD I ? - I know its nothing funny going on and do HONESTLY think people should be far less judgemental = THATS MY THING ATM !! Anyway I have gone off on one - and this i dont think is anything to do with what I wanted to say - ohhh then again - maybe it is ?? - pmsl - Ohhh I dont know !! GOD I WAFFLE !!

 

 

 

Anyway - the cycle i am in atm - I was awake and posting on Facebook at 1.30 - and then awake and on twitter and looking at papers online at 5am !! Quite awake and quite happy - no pain - or upset - JUST WIDE AWAKE !!ohhhhhhhhhhhhh now im itchy and in pain from tincy pin prick kitten nails in my skin tho - god they are itchy !! Ohh shit- now he has found the butter knife in the sink and is pickig it up and dropping it = I swear he KNOWS this is gonna wind me right up - HE IS A TROUBLE MAKER THAT KITTEN ! Now - What was I saying - Ohh yeah - Anyways - got up at 6.30am after checking ukcupid for YET MORE ridiculas comments - and then came downstairs- wel - it was lovely - Just as I ha left it - except the carpet / rug near the washing machine had become a kitten play toy over night - OHHHHHHHH - NO - THEY WERE LOCKED IN THE FRONT ROOM - so I have NO IDEA how the rug got to be in the state it was - as I ALWAYS leave the place EXACTALLY the same - and when I say exactly = I MEAN EXACTALLY - ( kids not here ( Tom at Scout Camp and Cassia with mum  and so the ex was out on the town last night, I cant go out at night as I get freaked by noise and sound and lmao - well everything - and its not a confidence thing - I DONT HAVE A CONFIDENCE ISSUE -

 

 

 

 it truly just sets my head off - may have something to do with the dark and the bright lights of cars and shops ???  ) If I come down and the place is a mess - WELL - IMMEDIATE ANGER STORM - CLICK YOUR FINGERS AND IM GONE ! - POOOOF !! = That quick - WHY CANT THEY LEAVE IT AS MEANT- and OMG - I EVEN Viacal'ed the Kitchen Sink last night, as well as Hoovered and tidied and washing up done and put away and washing clothes done and put away - Cleaned both bathrooms, inc got on hands and knees and did floors - cleaned cats out - put cushions straight - let dog out - fed / watered dog / fed / watered and put toys in their place ! for the Kittens - Gave everyone a cuddle before bed - then shut kittens in room ( As they come to say hello at 3am - AND OMG - OFF ON ONE AGAIN - - SEE MY MIND WANDERS AND I GET DISTRACTED !! - Yes all the above was done while I had X-Factor on - and I forgot I was watching X-Factor - and started cleaning - then I remembered again - and watched a bit - then got bored with it - so turned it off and video blogged a confidence video about a guy who was on X-Factor -

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vm6fR0S0Gho - omg- 85 views just from last night !!

 

 

ANYWAYS - It was mum's fault - she told me the Viakall stuff was amazing, and got rid of lime scale and watermarks etc etc = AND I ACTUALLY BOUGHT THE STUFF - I WAS BOVVERED - as Catherine Tate would say !! - NOW THAT SHOWS IM NOT RIGHT IN THE HEAD !!

 

 

 

 

Anyways - came down and everything was fine- I had taken all my tablets ( lmao - Thyroxine x 4 , a low blood pressure x 1 - and two for anxiety - which seem to make me even worse !! - I have NOTHING to take for the bloody tumour in my head - except diazepam to calm me when I go HULK or relax me when I get anxious - I don't mean just worried- I mean full on screaming if something scares me - or if in car I think people are driving at me - or the driver of my car wont stop !! lol )

 

Ermmm - Made COFFEE - NEVER EVER EVER EVER TEA - TEA DRINKERS I DONT TRUST - ITS INSIPID STUFF - ( Ohh did I tell you I have very peculiar views on things !! - and I 100% believe them - BUT - that's BRILLIANT - IT MAKES ME UNIQUE AND DIFFERENT IS GOOD !! ) I wouldn't want to be the same as everyone else - although if truth be told - I would like to be thinner - as its bloody hard being the size I am - BUT - AGAIN - I TRY NOT TO LET THAT STOP ME - I DONT overeat - and it is purely because my body is in famine mode and my Thryoid and metabolism doesn't work !! Do people understand that - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! - They think I have a stack of biscuits in my bedside table - ohhh hang on I do - BUT - they last weeks - as when i get a cortisol high - I GET STARVING, TRUELY AND UTTERLY STARVING - READY TO KILL HUNGRY  = and this usually happens in the middle of the night - and instead of coming downstairs - as usually my legs are too tired and wouldn't make it up again - I keep a packet or two of rich tea in my bedside table ! - Kinky stuff huh !!

 

 

 

 

I think I have gone off again and am skiping back and forth as I think of things - sorry if this makes no sence !! - lmao - BUT - WELL - GET OVER IT AND PIECE IT TOGETHER - lmao !! The other thing that gets to me is People who say daft things - lmao - ( I DO ALL THE TIME - BUT ITS OK FOR ME !! ) ie - I said to someone- Ive gone to get my son a birthday present - and they sent a txt back - ohhh have you gone on your own - OHHH THIS MAKES ME FUCKING MAD - I CANT GO ANYWHERE BY MYSELF - NO OF COURSE I HAVNT GONE ALONE - I don't understand why people don't get it - I don't really think its that hard- then someone said - you should pop round for a cuppa - FFS - IM MORE OR LESS HOUSEBOUND - HOW IAM I MEANT TO GET THERE - JUMP ON MY UNICORN ?? ( ohhhhhh Thats a whole different story - see Abiland blog  !! ) so i send a public reply - get of your ass and come get me - I WANNA DO EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING - but people think im lazy and just dont want to go out !! = ok - I cant go out for long- or if I have too much mental stimulation I start to stutter - and words don't come - and then the head hurts - and then I get anxious = but ok - it happens - I know I have to go to sleep then - so I take myself away to my room -

 

 

Its strange I cant Read easily without forgetting or loosing concentration - but I can talk about ME for hours - and hours and hours - that takes no concentration you see - hence me doing my blogs - it keeps my mind busy - so I don't go and make a noise ( Because I AM the noisyiest person you could ever meet !! ) I also do YouTube- where some of my videos make sence - and some dont- and I also do facebook and Twitter and pinterest and Google+ ( If you want to follow me - its Abigail Barry, AbigailBarry1 on twitter - PeggatyPawz on blogger and Abigail Barry on Youtube !  = These all keep me informed and interested in other stuff and helps me give something back - because I do a fair few confidence videos - when I remember !! - Now i can read on the computer - not too bad - but - if I read a book - I cant - IN MY OPINION - it is because of the angle of my head - if it is in certain angles I start loosing concentration - pain starts = eyes go blurry = andi start to stutter = I know - I know - all very odd.. - That's why I don't drive anymore - Because I find it hard looking left and right - OHHH AND THE ROAD RAGE TOO !! lmao !! If someone isn't polite- I GO HULK !!

 

 

 

OK - Im tired now - head starting to slow - I think I have been up too long- lamo - at 10;34am !! - BUT REMEMBER IVE BEEN UP AND BUSY since 5am !!  - Ohhh have I done a day to day blog - I have no idea- and I don't think I said what I was going to - lmao - but - it gives you some idea of how my mind wanders and how I get easily distracted -

INVISIBLE ILLNESS - JUSTMAKING IT UP !!!