My World : Living with #animals - My #Morning - and it's not ...

My World : Living with #animals - My #Morning - and it's not ...: Awww BLESS - Rodney woke me at 5am for a hug - he needs hugs - he is precious !!  Yes - I am the sort of Furry Mother that has the animal...

Living with #animals - My #Morning - and it's not 9am yet !

Awww BLESS - Rodney woke me at 5am for a hug - he needs hugs - he is precious !! 
Yes - I am the sort of Furry Mother that has the animals with me as i sleep - ! - 
Then he got fed up after 27 mins of me being very uncomfortable with his bum in my face by turning round and 'passion' biting my hand - a little kiss later and he jumped off - i got back to sleep THEN The 'Toy' I thought Derek woke me up playing with - was actually a mouses head !! Nice - RIP Little Stuart 



....




Then - Mother texts to reminds me of taking my tablets - so i decide that the world is against me now ( and actually think someone is walking towards my bed - muttering " Out or down! Here I come, with a sharp knife and a clear conscience! " - Yup - so up i get - eventually - 
OK - considering i am still on a Mattress on the floor - ( Even tho it is now refunded and a FREEEEE mattress - and VERY comfy ) But - getting my humungous - although has to be said very lovely and sexy frame from the floor is something that could be chronicled in it's own half hour documentary show Mmmmmm maybe narrated by David Attenburgh - If he is still alive - if not - Ohhhhh Tennant could do it ! LOVELY !! 






Anyway i have my own way of getting up - Please be aware that it is not all to do with my HULK - but because when i actually move - my head decides to stop - or my brain stops telling my feet what to do - so - anyways - i have devised a PLAN - i kneel on the mattress - feet on floor - put one foot in bent position and sing to myself 

Brace yourself here !! 

You are supreme the chicks'll scream for grease lightning  Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go

and by the end of the last GO - my bottom is in the air and i have gained momentum to STAND UP ! - 

YAYYYYYYYYY ERRATIC JUMPING AND EBULLIENT CLAPPING ALL ROUND FROM THE AUDIENCE OF DEREK AND RODNEY - Peggaty Does not really come upstairs anymore





 .. So - Down i went .....

Mmmm Funny smells - and a PeggatyPawz looking VERY Embarrassed - Then - out of the corner of my eye - a - ermmm - Nugget shall we call it - of Poo - and another - and another - and it went on - and on - all the way to the back door - Peggaty Had an accident - No Shit Sherlock - Mmmm - Well - Thats NOT STRICTLY TRUE NOW IS IT !! - There was - LOTS OF IT !!! EVERYWHERE ..
But - she can manage to almost assult me as she strained to propell herself into the conservatory to get the cat food left overs from last night - 
After eating this she THEN decides to go through to open door to the garden !!! 


NO MY FRIENDS AND TRUST LOVED ONES - it does NOT end there !!!




I manage to feed the cats with tiny meows from a sitting down Rodney and Derek being an absolute twit, running backwards and forwards at top speed because he is so so so excited at seeing the food fork ! ...... Well - i feed them - and Derek decides he does not actually want feeding and so goes out - Not " out out " - Just in the garden " out " Taking in the fresh breeze .... 
Walking back in the Kitchen - i notice the rest of the mouse that Derek had the head of - using as a football in my bedroom - Pick it up - throw in bin - sign of the cross - Stand Back - Step on Derek who had followed me - and was watching - Just watching - MEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW - 




Out through the door at top lightening speed - Ohhh for the love of God - I go to back door - step in cat food bowl because PeggatyPawz has since Commando like snuck back in the conservatory - pushed Rodney out of the way - and is polishing off the aftermath of Breakfast - how one cat can make so much mess is nobodies business - anyways - food removed from bowl - I turn around to go back in - my foot slips from under me because it has a jelly like substance on it - smelling rather like salmon ( Felix i believe ) and i go Arse over Ample Tit to the floor - well - im sorry - but the first thing that springs to mind - " SHITTING ARSEHOLES " At the TOP of my voice - " FUCKING DOG " - Laughter from the fence - bugger - the door is not shut - I then start laughing - and have a lick on the nose from Peggaty !! - she always apologises !! - Ohhh NOW I HAVE TO GET UP ALL OVER AGAIN - Que - Grease Music

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OHHH LIVING WITH ANIMALS !! 

MY 10th Pituitary MRI - INVISIBLE ILLNESS

I was scheduled to have my 10th MRI.

  I woke bright and early on a Friday morning.They always ask and it's a  good thing do as i would forget, they asked me to wear clothes without buttons or zippers. I woke up, sipped a cup of strong hot coffee, took a quick shower, and threw on a clean dress, at 7:00 AM, I looked like I'd just rolled out of bed, anyway. My appt was not till 2pm - but - i like to be ready - seriously - i'm ready and early everywhere i go ! 

This particular MRI was an interesting experience - I still can`t decide if it`s one of the most comfortable medical tests I've ever had to endure, or one of the funniest. I cant really comment on the differences between an open and a closed MRI; I don`t know that it would`ve made all that much difference to me, since I`m not the least bit claustrophobic, and actually rather enjoy the whole experience ! 

A handsome technician helped me into the tube of fun and strapped my head in place. I nervously remarked that a first name usually was required before I allowed anyone to tie me in a bed. He didn’t laugh but ordered me to hold still! Masterful - i like !! 

Oh ok - for those that don't know - or have not followed my - erm - life - I have a Pituitary Disorder which is Tumors or Tumor on the Pituitary Gland ( The gland that controls your whole body ! )  - It  is a chronic illness and receives very little media or popular attention - One of the issues is the Weight Gain , among many many other symptoms - and weight and an MRI Machine is a very interesting scenario !  The world-at-large knows little of our affliction, They look at us and just see a FATTY ! - Then with words of encouragment such as " Loose weight Fatty " or " Go to Weight Watchers - or Do some Exercise " we carry on regardless - TRYING !! 

Although doctors continue studying the syndrome and have thankfully discovered means by which many can control their symptoms, there is no known cure apart from surgery - Many of which get rid of the tumor - but then the damage is done and many symptoms are left .... Ohhh and that's Surgery which i can't have - for whatever reason ! 

Back to the MRI - On the one hand, the table was not so hard, the technician put a nice cushion under my knees to keep my back comfortable, and he placed pads at my ears to keep my head from moving and help block out the sound. The room was neither too hot, nor too cold. A popular radio station provided a little background noise. All in all, it was comfortable. Lovely - nice and relaxing - Then up went the table - Mm - Even i knew it was tight !! Oh - VERY TIGHT !! Oh VERY VERY VERY TIGHT - Mrs Barry - Can you put your arms over your head - OK - That was Polite- i didnt fit with my arms at my side anymore - GREAT - and seriously - ive not been hungry or eaten for two days !! - and before that just fruit andDinners cooked by mother !!  - OK - Arms over head now - still more than relaxed - as - yes - i know i'm HUGE - but  - omg - i'm bloody sexy and fabulous too !! 

Now - I have used this machine before - and i am 100% sure - 4 months ago - i was fine in it - i fitted and all was comfy - 4 months on - and - well - i was wondering - I heard the machine start up again and in i went - i got i, safe and sound - but - would i get out again ?!!

 Anyways - even the noise of the machine once it gets going doesn't upset me, the MRI does sound a bit like a pile driver on speed and a distant jackhammer, punctuated by the occasional staple gun. Having that heavy piece of equipment hovering over your nose for well over an hour does make you wonder, idly, what your head would look like if the thing collapsed. The worst part, though, was the technician`s asking me "are you ok - Dont move." Well - how can i answer without nodding !! 

Don't nod - . Now, that`s like saying "don`t think about pink elephants." Suddenly nodding became the one overwhelming obsession of my life. For a few minutes, I confused nodding with breathing, and thought maybe I should not do either one. Then I was not sure if it was possible to breathe without nodding. My tongue seemed to be glued to the back of my throat, obstructing my airway. I was aware of sensations related to nodding and the anatomy of my neck that Ive never given a thought to before in my life!

For a few minutes, right after the thumping noises got started, I had this barely controllable urge to laugh. The more I tried not to, the harder it was to contain myself. That was bad. I tried to imagine, again, what my head would look like if the machine collapsed upon my nose. Strangely, that only increased my urge to giggle.

Then I was hyperconscious of the need to pee. Given that I`d just toured the facilities a minute before hopping onto the table, it had to be a combination of early-morning coffee and excitement, but I was unable to think of anything but nodding, laughing, and trying not to disgrace myself for nearly 60 minutes! All went quiet in the chamber of secrets - and For all I knew, they were deciding which body parts to extract and sell on the black market. Then a queasy feeling predicted a pending passing of gas. I bit my tongue, pinched my side, and tried to focus on a pastoral scene in a green meadow beside a babbling brook.. I fidgeted.

“Please hold still,” came the sexy tech's voice from outside the shaft of shame.

I was trapped and helpless and so my now nervous body did what it does best: it farted. I released gas with the intensity and conviction of a team of sumo wrestlers after a chili-eating contest. And the confined space caused the sound to be amplified as if a dozen foghorns had simultaneously activated. I didn’t know whether to cry, giggle, or call my son and brag.

“Well now, I think we have enough images,” the handsome technician said, suppressing a laugh.

After the tests were done, I was helped up amid wafts of rather interesting scent and i - head down - giggling went to put my bra back on !! - Next time i go for a MRI - I am - without doubt going to ask to go to Margate - THEY ALL FART THERE !! xx

People and their Pets

OK- so - people now asking about ME and where i get my humor !! - lolol - Funny - as everyone else telling about how Horny they are !!!



But ooooooook !!

well - Life's a shit - so - if you can make someone else happy n smile - then YAYY - ER ER ERRRRRRR !!
That seriously is all there is too it - there is to much droopy in todays world and so a bitta upper's is good huh !



I draw on life experience - and ok - i have not had a lot of sexual experience - ( Although i'm well up for starting with the right guy ! ) BUT i look back on work and hobbies and attachments made ....


LIFE IS FUNNY -



Take the time I worked in a Veterinary Centre - I was standing in on a consultation and the surgeon prescribed an inhaler for a patients cat allergy. He came back a week later saying he was none the better. Turns out, he was spraying the inhaler on the cat - seriously !!!

Then there are some of the comments while on reception - I kept my own book of some of these - including -

Huskies dont get fleas.

Besides having contact with a male, is there any other way my cat could have gotten pregnant?

How much is a quarter cup of food?

I have a large-medium to large-small sized dog.

Shes okay until she bites.

On a follow-up phone call, when asking the owner how their dog is doing, she replied, Well, I have no idea, hes downstairs!




Condensed conversation (actually took about 20 minutes on the phone): I want to get those yeast pills! I know my dog has yeast because hes peeing everywhere! I think he got the yeast problem because he eats so much damn bread! He loves that damn bread! You want me to get urine? How am I supposed to get urine out of him?!

If I have a dog and its always been an outside dog, and you make him an inside dog, will that make him die? My boyfriends book says so.

and seriously - my personnel fav to date

On the phone: I wont be able to pay you, because Im only five feet tall and my husband left the charge card on top of the tv and I cant reach it.

No word of a lie - the list is almost endless !!!

Mentor for invisible illness - Positivity and Confidence

At present I chat to different people on Invisible Illness - kinda like a Positivity Implimentor for people with Pituitary Brain Tumors - and LMAO - WAIT WAIT - IT'S NOT A HEAVY POST !! - 

( 

This is one of the classic moments in my tele chats that gets laughs from most people i tell. 

It may be considered X - rated so Ill warn the sensitive people ahead of time.

I was calling on an existing chap who happened to be from Kentucky ( but had relocated to the UK ) , I was pretty familiar with the guy but still developing the relationship. The illness was hitting him quite hard, i just wanted to make sure he was ok . The guy was always very polite and normally a true southern gentleman so you will understand how taken aback I was , when in a very polite and Southern manner he answered and he said ( or should I say I heard) Youll have to excuse me for a moment Abby, I have a piece of ass in my mouth.

I KNOWWWWWWWWWWWW - RIGHT !!

Well - Thank Christ i'm not shy or bashful - so - i stayed on the line !

He put me on hold for a moment and I was a little dumbfounded and thought did pass me by wondering maybe I should call back at a more convenient time. But - then - WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT ! =

When he got back I asked him to repeat himself and realized , with his Kentucky accent he was saying that he had ICE in his mouth( Say it to yourself in a Southern accent Ice Ice, youll see what I mean ) LOL. Im glad I didnt give him a piece of my mind for being crude which could have happened - depending on where i myself am on the 'illness' level during the day !

Just thought you guys may enjoy that !!