I THINK I MAY GO INTO TOO MANY DETAILS WHEN COMPLAINING

I NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH - OR HOW LITTLE INFORMATION AND I SEEM TO HAVE GONE OFF ON ONE SLIGHTLY ! 

MY LETTER TO BED WORLD

BLACK MEMORY FOAM DIVAN BED SET + MATTRESS + HEADBOARD SIZE 3FT 4FT6 Double 5FT and Super King Size

Seller assumes all responsibility for this listing.

Last updated on  28 Sep, 2016 14:45:47 BST  View all revisions

Item specifics

Condition:	New: A brand-new, unused, unopened and undamaged item in original retail packaging (where packaging is... Read more	Type:	SPRING MEMORY FOAM
Brand:	Unbranded	Material:	DIVAN BED
Main Colour:	Black	Mattress Type:	Sprung memory foam
Features:	With Headboard	Firmness:	Medium Firm

Morning Bed World -
Just from your very name - I knew you were trustworthy
ALAS, YOU LIED !
I have had my Super King Size Luxury bed for less than a week -
From the outset I have been very very careful - but - already it has broken ( Insert sad face please )
I didn't realise that the SUPERB price, meant it was going to be UTTER SHITE ( I have inserted an "E" - Because my mother tells me that " Shite" - is far 'nicer' a word than " Shit " and i do not wish to offend )
I would really have liked to feel safe upon sitting upon my new Infrastructure, LET ALONE ANYTHING ELSE THAT MAY OCCUR IN A SLEEPING POSITION ( I'm NOT just talking about reading / watching TV either ) and not necessarily a 'sleeping' position either .... Sometimes i like a hot chocolate in bed too .... Ohhh I know - I'm daring in my bedroom habits..
This is a bed, where i have to watch where i place my, and im going to be 100% truthful here, ample - yet deliciously gentle buttocks, in a certain place before i could actually get into the bed.
The entering of the bed is a scene from a Carry on film itself - because - well - i sink into it even before i am actually ready - and once there - legs swinging - i'm engulfed - It's VERY difficult to Un'Gulf ! How on earth i even manage to get my legs on the mattress is anyone's guess - and im sure there is some divine intervention that goes on.
Anyway - there's only one of me !!!! I know - so difficult to believe with a face like mine ! Ravishing I have been told many many times - and not always by myself
But NOT Ravished on YOUR bed i can tell you !
If there were Two of us, we would be on the floor by now, NOT IN A GOOD WAY - and no doubt in the matter - NOTHING could happen in this bed, no Rumpey du pumpety could occur for fear of ohh i dread to even think - with a mighty thud - Probably murdering either Derek or Rodney in the process ( Cats ) who have taken it upon themselves to sleep right at the side of the bed ( Ohhhhhhh Maybe I should try this ?! ) -
By the way I would have been at the side of the bed - because as aforementioned - Once sat, you can move no further - and thus sleep perched on the corner - ( But i guess if broken in the rhelms of a passionate embrace - Ohh shush and let me imagine! ) i bet I would NOT complaining either !! )
Anyways -
Put Simply - THIS BED IS RUBBISH -
Or " SHITE " as my mother would say ...
Please can you advise !! Many Thanks !! xx

Yes - that is a red light in my window- NO - NOT FOR THOSE REASONS - It's because - the night before - my bedside table had broken - ( Ohhh I see a pattern developing here ) and I need a Bed Light - well - CAUSE I DO !! - So - The Window sill seemed the obvious place - Until my neighbour pointed out the rather dubious connotations ! Opps !

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New message from: bed-world Top Rated Seller (375,387RedShooting Star)

Good Afternoon,

Thank you for creating Thursday Laughter, here in the office .
I am ever so sorry about this, Can you please attach photos of the damages.

Kind Regards, Will
With Regards,
Bed-World

Customer Services : 01924 *** 444
01924 *** 855

Mon - Fri 9am - 7pm

Sat - Sun 10am - 4pm

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Well - considering I had gone into so much details - I wish they had a better response
But - some people  are not as literate as others i guess ! 

FRIDAY MORNING FUN

OMG Not even 9.30am and ALREADY I have caused mayhem !

The one time in my entire life that i decide to throw caution to the wind and go with my gut - 

and who is behnd me - Ohhhhhhhhh Just guess !

I ran the Red light and next second - Lights and sounds screeching like an angry Pterodactyl start and im there - bewildered - not knowing if i should stop the car and just get out and run, run for my life - ( yeah - a little ott even for me ) or sit and ask the nice officer what for the life of me i have done ( Holds ample bosom here ) - as i seriously DON'T HAVE A CLUE ( OK - OK - a litttle white lie won't hurt ! )

- I turn the music down - a rather good tune playing - and pull over - yes - in that order - well - my seat belt is on at least !
I pull into the side of the road and stop - Handbrake on - and wind the window .... Ohhh it's already down - Mmmm - Weird - cant remember opening that !! - SMILE !!!

Well - The cop came to the window and he was actually totally, out of breath, 

as he was laughing so hard - 

UNBELIEVEABLY UNPROFESSIONAL was my first thinking - and i was a little perterbed ...

Well - I do actually sit - open mouthed - and just look ... it was the weirdest sight ever - a laughing policeman ! ( ohhh so soso close to doing it here i can tell you ! ) BUT

The guy calmed down enough to talk -
" You know that you ran the red light
( I nodded - so sowwwwee OCCIFER ! )
" and yes - that is very very bad - and you should never ever do that again - lucky it was early and no-body was about - BUT i'm not going to give you a ticket "....
I just looked - still bewildered 

.......... " because SERIOUSLY - ( and he did over emphasise this ) That was the funniest thing, i have EVER seen, and my colleague can't even get out of the car because he is going to pee himself laughing ....
I looked at him still totally aghast ??? ...... " I don't understand ?? "

" Well - you had become so engrossed in the song you were listening to and because you were so busy HEADBANGING - and yes - we know the song - and both my partner and I started to sing at the very minute you crossed - we could HEAR YOU COMING ! All three of us were headbanging as you jumped the red !! ( Your rendition of the line " Beelzebub has the devil put aside for me, for me, for meeeeeeeee " - is most memorable - but - what did it for us was the fact that after the headbanging you let out an almighty " Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa " as you actually just went straight through the light ..... Not at all responsible Madam ....

Ohhhhh - BUGGER - NOW I REMEMBER -

opps !

You have to be able to laugh !! RIGHT ??

ohh dear lord .. bless me for i have sinned and sworn - rather alot !

Last night - Watched STEP BROTHERS 




with the kids - and ok - maybe it wasn't appropriate 
BUT FUCK ME, IT WAS FUNNY !!!

SPOILERS - 

but such - CLASSIC LINES -




"Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon. You yelled rape at the top of your lungs." 

"You know what gets my dick hard? Helping out my friends."

"One time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands."

"Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. Brennan I cant even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus". 

and the MY TWO FAVOURITES - 

“This is going to sound weird, but for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.”




" My ballsack touched your drum set " - 

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH JESUS FORGIVE ME !

All of us in utter hysterics from start to finish !





Then ! - bed - and ok - had the usual screams ( lmao - from me ) and then ABOUT TO get into bed - decided i wanted a book - OHHH WHY DO I HAVE TO BE LITERATE !! The whole bedside table fell apart - Vibrating devices, Oils, Batteries, Books, Dice, Blindfolds, Feathers omg . .... EVERYTHING CRASSSSSH ( NO ) BANG WHALLOP onto the floor - 

KIDS race in - 
"Are you ok, are you o.......... WHATS THAT MUM - .... "

ohhhh shit - shout at them to get out - ( because im bad & shout ! ) and then i clear the 'items' off the floor - place in bag and place safely in wardrobe - ok - fling back the bedclothes and JESUS WEPT - IT'S THAT FUCKING SNAKE AGAIN My 13year old ( bd tomorrow ) thinks it is SUCH FUN to put a really life like snake into my bed - this is now the third time - and as my nerves are shot ( i wonder why ) i go BANANANANANANANANA S !! anyways - Snake thrown to other side of room - cats pounces on it ! - ok - that's fine - 



Cats then decides to have a full scale military assault on the snake - and being the velociraptor's they are - take it in turns to concur the slimy beast .... NOISILY ! .. but - to top it all - i needed the loo by now - and ffs - walked through the hallway only to tread on a dead mouse - ( Thank you Derek  Rodney - aforementioned velociraptor's  ) and while cleaning up the carcass became more and more desperate for the loo - and after two kids and a huge amount of weight - Zips getting stuck and my pelvic floor is not what it used to be - JESUS WEPT - screamed - 
" and to top it all i pissed in my fucking onesie " 




- to which BOTH kids erupt in delight - and came running - i have no dignity or shame - and we all fell about in hysterics - 
Thank Christ i have the MOST ridiculas sense of humor - 
Who could cope without being able to laugh at oneself !!