" I'm Coming, I'm Coming ! "
To which my male Neighbour SHOUTS out
" You go for it Abby Love - But Your window is wide open - i'd shut it if i were you " -
My Reply - Amit bursts of hysterical laughter from both parties -
" Rodney is the bloody cat ! - He's meowing for his food !! ................... Chance would be a fine thing ( Under my breath ) "
to which his response is
" For us both girl - for us both " !!!!!!!!!!
I have not much hope for the rest of the day considering my whole week has been rather full of laughter and idiotic bursts like the afore mentioned -
REALLY SHOULD PUT HEAD INTO GEAR BEFORE I SPEAK - But just not gonna happen = So I have to deal with the consequences as and when the arise
OK - so maybe i should take you back to Monday morning - and work systematically through the week, I had my ASDA Delivery Monday - ( I get this delivered to the house as I can't get to the supermarket and even if i could do a whole shop, the place would see me erupt in chaos and torment of other customers due to anxiety - caused by a tumor in my head - oh two actually - but i won't dwell on that !! ) OK - so he turns up an hour and a half early - * Shakes head * - But - me being me - I am all ready and waiting !! - YOU NEVER KNOW !!!! -
Anyway - I start bringing the bags in - yes yes - shoot me - i pay the extra 40p and have them - * shock horror * delivered in bags !! AN UTTER DISGRACE - Yes - I am - and i bloody love it !!!
Anyways - All goes well until I see the Chicken - Now - this is placed in a 'cook in the bag ' bag - and they usually are FABULOUS - but - i tried a different make this time - today's one was mighty small - so - Just out of interest - I say to the drive - ( Just a little bit o banter )
" Corr this one is small - Does it not get any larger " -
He looks at me -
" erm nope - I can refund it for you "
I just look at him - "
What why does it not come and bigger
" BECAUSE IT'S DEAD " he says - and i do have a feeling he has used this one before - because he immediately starts gafforing to himself !! * Eyes to Heaven * Yeah - ok !!
Anyways - I thought that was it - but - Nope - he - At the end of the delivery proceeds to tell me that my entire shop at Tesco would have cost £66.70 -
Laughing I said - "Well least it wasn't £666 " -
I looked at him - and he said " Oh no - that's what you saved today £6.66 "
OMG FREAKY !!
OK - Tuesday and Wednesday passed with no worries - just spent the days at home - doing a few video blogs and 'thoughts for the day' Videos for my YouTube Channel .... Then - Thursday - Ohhhhhhhhhh Thursday - I remember it well ...
I had an early morning text from a chap I have been speaking to from a Website I use - NOW - Don't go getting all Poe Faced on me - It's called 'BeMyDom' and it is for women / men to find a partner who is basically Confident and self assured - ( and if you KNOW me - you know i DON'T want a wishy washy guy !! ) Now - putting it like that - does not sound so bad does it !! - It's NOT full of Sadistic Weirdo's wanting to tie each other up and flog them !! ( Well - Not on a Thurs night anyway !! ) Anyways - Charlie Rang - ( He has the MOST amazing voice ) and i said yup i'm free today - come on over - BUT IT IS JUST FOR COFFEE .... He totally understood this - had always been so very honest and upfront with me - and nope - i really wasn't worried = I have him my address - Well I sat down - ( I had already had a shower that morning - and - well - i am without a doubt, of the opinion - " Take me as you find me " - ) Yup, I sat down with a coffee - and went on Facebook =
Charlie continued to text telling me the traffic was terrible - Well - OK - I carried on with FB !
The doorbell went I went to the door -
NOW - REMEMBER - Our conversations had all been totally above board, and yes - being a teacher in a secondary school Charlie was Very Self Assured and Confident - yet - he was fun - so i knew i could have a joke with him and not worry = So - I open the door and greet him ( Remember i have not yet met him ) Putting on my most sexy voice ( Oh stop laughing !! = I do OCCASIONALLY do sexy ! ) I say, without actually looking at him because i'm looking up and down the street ......
" Morning Gorgeous - Kettles on - Quick one first ? " - and start laughing ......
Man at door replies
" ...... erm ................. Could you sign here please ............................ "
and hands me the machine thing to sign for a blinking Amazon parcel ......................................
Well - Me being me - I WAS IN HYSTERICS !!!!!
He couldn't get away fast enough, which made me even worse !!!!
If it wasn't so bloody funny it would have been erm so embarrassing !! Anyways Charlie did turn up - and he was lovely - BUT - well - Not quite as Confident as he came across on the phone - which is a shame ... oh and he was bloody married - NOT GOING THERE !!! - So - Nope - won't be meeting again - but - Onto the next one !!!!! .......... At least had a lovely coffee and a nice chat - and - he was a great conversationalist ! - so - all good !! ...
Ohhh - No - Not stopped yet - it's not that easy being me !!!
Doing spelling with Cassia Thursday night,
"Mmmm - OK - Cass, How do you spell 'Crocodile ' "
to which she responds :
" Mmmm - That's NOT on my list - but - ' K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' - There you go "
... and she looks at me -
"Mmmm - Not bad i say - but - nope "
She looks at me - eyes getting smaller -
" Well - YOU asked how I would spell it - and that's how I SPELL IT "
She walks off !! Stopping me in my tracks - lmao - Well - can't fault her on that !!
Well - i guess my kids have to have attitude coming from me !!
OK - and lastly - Friday Morning - all sorted - Kids off to school - breakfasted and clean - Animals sorted out - Now - ME - Need a shower = and actually - that should be NEED !! .... lol - so - in i go - Now - i always have the window wide open - just so the windows don't steam up - i hate steamy windows - OK - OK - Tina may like em - BUT I WONT ( Omg - have i just shown my age there - Gotta be on my wave length to get that one !! )
Anyways - Start my Shower - Mmmm Lovely - and just bought a new lather up soap dispenser that makes everything soapy - omg - this is sounding a little erotic - WHICH IT IS NOT - so - anyways - shower - and - a ****ing bird flying into the bloody bathroom is NOT what i was expecting -
YOU REALLY COULD NOT MAKE IT UP - a starling i think it was, Flying round - bumping into everything - all the bottles fell off the side - it bumped into the mirror on numerous occasion - totally bewildered it was - As i would have been to be confronted by me - as i fly on my merry way - Because i - without a doubt - make a merry bird - but - OK - bird in bathroom - Out of shock - i stepped back - and yeah - this is where it starts - I fall back on all the lovely soap suds and WALLOP my head on the side of the bath - While i regain a sort of semi conciousness - the bird is now about 40 seconds into it's ordeal and is really starting to both wind me up and worry me - he is going to hurt himself in a second - why can't they just sit still when they find themselves in this sort of bewilderment -
So - I get out of the shower - Stark Naked - ( Ohhh Stark - reminds me of Iron Man - YUMMY !! ) OK OK - I digress again - so - I am looking at the bird- and he is looking at me - ( Yes I know it is a male bird - because he is giving me a rather - 'you are odd' kinda look, that most guys give me !! ) OK - I state in no uncertain terms -
" I AM NOT PICKING YOU UP - FLY OUT THE WINDOW - LOOK - THAT ONE "
and i point to the window - The bird DOES kinda follow my gaze - but - just carries on looking - really dazed - anyways - OK - realization hits and i'm going to have to get the bird - i'm not phased by this - he was quiet now - so - i throw my towel over him - and SLOWLY - I don't want to fall over - Bloody hell - Whale and Bird found in bathroom - yeah - i can just see the headline now !!!
Actually - that would read " Shhhexy RAVVVVVVVVVVVVVISHING whale and bird found in Bathroom " ( Watch my YouTube Videos and you will understand that ! )
OK OK _ Im walking down the stairs - not holding on - and open the front door - I decide that i can't just let the bird go - as he might come back in - and then i would have him flying round the downstairs, and what with Peggaty ( Dog ) Del and Rodney ( Cats ) That is a situation i do NOT want to find myself in - So - I walk out the front door - just a few feet - I release the bird - and as you do - I kinda FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY him up into the passing breeze - Mmmm - He falls flat - Plummets to the floor, Dead - ( I had not killed him - the shock did .... )
SHIT.
I look down - ****ING HELL = Towel was round bird - I'm naked - Yeah - well I bloody would be wouldn't I .....
The bird stayed where it was - on the Drive - and I RAN - WELL, WOBBLED back into the house and slammed the door - I won't lie and say people were there - No-body saw me - but please - ONLY ME !
and omg i hope this is it for this week now - I'm seriously just going to sit in front of the computer today and relive moments of the last week and blog - i'm NOT doing anything else - Anything else is DANGEROUS ( Ohhhhhhhhhhh Spoke too soon - sat here with window WIDE OPEN - Sat here singing - cats going in and out of the window - Yeah - you heard right im sat here singing - by the open window - Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - I should have seen it coming -
Tap on Shoulder - " ******** AND ********* AND ************** **** FOR **** SAKE .... "
Next door neighbour - LAUGHING -
" Corr you do like your windows open AB - EVERYONE can hear you " -
" FFS - I'm doing nothing wrong here - i'm sat singing - " = I was a little perterbed now !!
I look outside window - Neighbour / dog / wife and child all watching - FFS !!
Turns speakers down - Well at least i'm happy !!!
Happy - Pharrell Williams playing !!
EVERYONE GET, STAY AND BE HAPPY -
It's easier to smile than it is too frown !
