ME AND MY BRAIN TUMOUR SYMPTOMS ( APPARENTLY PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND ME ! )

HAHAHAHAHAH - OMG This does just make me laugh - People DONT GET ME !!! - I really am the MOST open / honest and and bloody adorable person that walks this planet ! = Well - That is when im ME - Because = I have a Pituitary Tumour - Yeah - that's in the Brain - Just behind the eyes - and OMG it causes me LOADS of problems !!! hahahahaah - But - Im still Positve, im Funny and Im Unique and I DONT ACTUALLY WANT SYMPATHY - so - why people think I do is beyond me !! - But - well - its easy - I have a Pituitary Tumour on the Stalk of the Pit Gland, Mixed this with an Enlarged Pituitary and a Damaged Amygdala ( Yeah that's at the back of my head and causes Post Traumatic Syndrome - Maybe that's why I like a Uniform ?? Mmmm Firemen !! Yum ! ) Hahaha - Ohh also I have HypoThyroidism and Borderline Polycystic Overy Syndrome !! Don't do anything By halves me - Apparently Im Rare - and well- My consultant and Endocrynologist havnt seen anyone who has all the mix that I have - and thus - I cant be Operated on ( Usually the Tumour is removed by surgery up the nose - BUT - Because of the damage done to the Amygdala - they don't want to do this as I have too much pressure in my head - and there is  A BIG risk that psychologically - I wouldn't recover - LMAO - NOT THAT THEY ARE SAYING IM NUTS !! - Lmao - I say that quite regularly - But THEY never do ;) !! They being " The Voices ! " = The Voices in my head - lmao - No No - The Doctors - Ive been told by EVERYONE it is a MEDICAL problem - and NOT MENTAL !!! Wheww whewwww - Im NOT mental !!

 

OK - So - My symptoms - hahahahahahaha - SIT DOWN AND GRAB A COFFEE - This isn't all of them - this is just what I remember at this particular moment !!! - I have Memory Problems - Concentration Problems, I cant understand even the simplist of thing if it is told to me - I switch off - or zone out - Ohh a Major one is I have No Metabolism - and im about 20 stone already - this is just normal for me - and actually im happy now with my weight, I KNOW I don't overeat and I don't Binge, It really is that my Body thinks im in Starvation mode and it stores every inch of fat that I consume !! So - Go with it I now think - I wont be a shrinking Violet any more - Because - YEAH - I did used to be that person that stayed in the bedroom - or hid in loo's !! = Now im in the middle of the Room - Ohhhhhhh - Hang on - No - That's what id do - if I didn't have Ohhh - People Stress !! = I cant remember the actual name at the moment !! - Groups of people and because of my OCD I think I have to listen to every bloody conversation going - and respond - and because I cant do this - my head starts pounding and I loose sight - Ohhh Yeah - I loose sight when the Pit Tumour gets agitated and It grows and It presses on my Optical Nerve !! = lol - So - Eye Sight Blurry and Lose Peripheral Vision - and Spotted Vision ( Black Spots in middle of eye ) - But this comes and goes !!
Erm - Ohhh Teenage Spots - still get them - at 40 - ohh stop laughing - its ridiculas !! - pmsl - ohh I loose my speech when the amygdala gets too agitated and this sets off my feelings of not being in control - and then I go TOURETTES MUMMY ( That's what the Kids call me !! ) I can swear - but that's it -

 I cant often get many other things out - lol - Frustration - that's it - I get Frustrated - and Swear - Im not really in control - as when im ME - I don't go around swearing all over the place - although I do like the odd swear word - ESP WHEN IN THE CAR !! = But - that's another story !! - ohh I also get very very very tired quickly, Mmmmmm it has been known for me to fall asleep in Costa Coffee or even Sports Direct - lmao !! Don't bother me - ( OK - I do wish I didn't snore ) BUT - It seems to worry other people !! Please- its not like I get into my PJ's or anything - well - not ALL the time ;) !!

Ermm - Ohh Peace and quiet I need MOST of the time - If there is ANY FORM of noise - I can kinda " flip out " = lol - I always explain it as  " - You know The Hulk - He had a Pituitary Problem !! - and he was a man - So Imagine that - but a woman with PMT !! x 1000 !! - and that's a bit like how I can go - Mmmmmm - SUCH FUN !! No - No Control AT ALL = and I don't mean that to get away with things - I do ACTUALLY mean it - I have No CONTROL over anything I do or say = most of the things I don't even believe or understand = All very Bizarre - Then - There the Mood Swings - Mmmm - I can be VERY Low = Suicidal = and the ONLY way I can calm is to medicate myself - I have been give Diaxapam to keep me calm - BUT - most people take 1 or 2 to just get to normal levels - Because of the amount of Cortisol in my blood at the time - I have been known to swallow 17 Diazapam - and then - Just be myself again - It NEVER has put me to sleep = always just calms me - Appparently - It takes 10 tablets to Knock someone out in Hospital for an Operation ... Hahahahah - and I take 17 - HARD CORE ME !! 
Mmmm - Ok - Is that it ?? Cant remember - Ohh all these lead to problems going out - I don't now go out unless I am with someone I trust - Or - Im near my Car - so I know I have a Safety Spot - But - I havnt actually gone out for a while on my own - as I do sometimes freak out if on my own - GOD KNOWS WHY as I am confident and well adjusted - Its just - I have a thing that other people wont know how to take me - and well - if they say something outta place ohhhhhhhhhh = Na - don't wanna go there !! ;) BUT Usually - Its fine !! Ohh Rudeness- if someone is rude - to me - or anyone - I HAVE to speak up and be an ambassador for that person ( If its not me ! ) I cant let ANYTHING go !! OMG THESE WORDS WERE WRITTEN FOR ME !!

Let it Go - Frozen -

- Let it go - Let it go -

Don't let them in,
don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel,
don't let them know
Well now they know

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore

Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care
what they're going to say
Let the storm rage on.

 

OHHH YEAH - MY FREAKS OUT AND HIGHS AND LOWS ARE CALLED STORMS !!!

 

That's a massive one - I don't want ANYONE to see how bad it is for me - ( Poor EX Alan and My kids and my Mum and Dad - These are the ONLY people who have seen the full extent of my Rages and Freaks out - also my Hysteria - BUT - Even I find that one funny - yeah - I go VERY HIGH and very low !! I have even Woken myself up laughing - quite a lot of times ! - Its NEVER Boring sleeping with me !!! - Dreams I have a so Vivid and Thank God - They usually are Just funny - and ok - I say Funny  I mean totally off the wall Through the roof Hysterical - Even my Neighbours have said that they have heard me laughing at 2am before now !! Opps - and I stop - But 20 mins later remember what I was laughing at and start all over again ! NIGHTMARE !! ) Ohh I went off track there - pmsl - that's another thing - I do just think of something and OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SQUIRREL !! ................. ;) - pmsl - I just start talking about it - even if I an in a mid sentence !! Most off putting for people - BUT - This is cause my head works at 1000 times the speed of most people !! it doesn't stop .. Ohh yeah sorry - I did it again - I Don't want anyone to see how bad it is for me - SO - I smile and post how great everything is - I could be sat here in tears - But Posting about Unicorns and Rainbows - All very odd - IM NOT MENTAL - ITS MEDICAL - REMEMBER - THE CONSULTANT TOLD ME !! ;)

Mmm - Is that it now - Naaaa - Probably NOT - but - that's all I can be bothered to write atm - as I need a coffee = lol - ohh I havnt said anything about Cortisol - lol - That's quite Important - My Tumour gives off Cortisol - and I do too - so im overrun - or don't have enough - and omg - I and YOU will know where I am if either of these happen ! Mmmm - Also I Balloon Up if im Ill - and can look 4 stone heavier than I really am = and that is MOST ODD !! Ohhh now - im writing this on a slight High - and as I cant read it - Because the concentration it takes to read is FAR TO MUCH and sets me off - so - I don't read any more - and this Kills me - as I was an avid reader, ohhh No Reading, No Music, No TV, BUT I CAN DO FACEBOOK ???? and BLOG ???? and read small amounts of Txt - its all very odd - BUT - Nope - I cant read a book on here - too much txt and ohhh - PSYCHO ! = Ohh But NOT ! ;) - lol

OK OK - That'll do for now - Need a coffee - Hope that wasn't tooo Off the wall = and maybe explains a bit ??? I don't know - maybe its all goggldy gook !! = But - To someone somewhere - it may make sence !! = and All id say to them  - BE POSITIVE AND STRONG xxx