People would HONESTLY think I make half it up - and the other half is done for effect or attention seeking reasons !! - PMSL IF ONLY !
And it's not even half term ! - That's when it USUALLY goes Tits up !!
I have a Pituitary Brain Tumour x 2 - and a lesion ( yeah - you know about as much as me on that !! ) - I also have Hypothyroidism and ALSO now been diagnosed with DPD !!! Duel Personality Disorder to you and me !! - So - I think you could expect it to be a little eventful - BUT PERRRRRLEASE this is totally getting ridiculas now - I don't know if im coming or going - LMAO - where in fact im actually STANDING STILL for most of it - as I cant get out without someone with me !! And someone - means - anyone - lmao - even the man next door ( poor Dave - lmao - he is a lovely guy actually and I don't think he would be strong enough to handle me in an ASDA situation !! ;) - Daves lovely - But quiet !! = Where as - im lovely AND SOOOO NOT QUIET ! )
OK - so - lets start off on Tuesday - OHHH SHUT UP - I START ON TUESDAY AS MONDAY I WAS ASLEEP - ohh see - not there - ive done it - I started with Monday even when I didn't want too - that was YOUR fault !! = FFS - I always get so easily led .... ok - so - Monday , ohhh lets do this strategically ( omg - this computer just Spelt that as I was wrong - THAT IS MIND BLOWING ) - OK OK -
MONDAY - SLEPT - ALL DAY ( I splet as I was manically busy sunday - due to a Cortisol high levels - and - omg - im so helpful - Have a peek at this -
9 Signs That I Have WAY Too Much Cortisol.
1. I'm not sleeping well.Cortisol levels are supposed to drop at nighttime, allowing your body to relax and recharge. But my cortisol levels are too high, and even if i've been tired all day, I get a second wind right around bedtime. Then I toss and turn all night, and my mind wont stop – and I feel tired again the next day.
2. Even when have slept well, I'm still tired.
3. I'm gaining weight, even when I eat well and exercise as much as possible
Cortisol tends to make you put on weight, even when you’re doing everything “right.” - I was told it was because my body has gone into Famine mode - and everything goes on as fat
4. I catch colds and other infections, and Bruise so easily.
Cortisol deactivates your body’s natural self-repair mechanisms,
5. I crave unhealthy foods at odd times.
Cortisol raises your blood sugar. High glucose levels then bump up your insulin levels, which then drop your blood sugar – and all of a sudden – yes, you've guessed it – I'm struck with wild cravings for Rich Tea Biscuits in my case .
6. I experience backaches and headaches.
When cortisol levels are high over a long period of time, your adrenal glands start to get depleted. This raises prolactin levels, increasing the body’s sensitivity to pain, such as backaches and muscle aches. Excessive cortisol also hypersensitizes the brain to pain, such that even the slightest twinge can excite the nerves of the brain, causing headaches. - Also - with my Pituitary Tumour - I get Headaches right behind the eyes, and pressure at the back of my head - all due to the amount of cortisol in my blood
7. My gut acts up.
My gastrointestinal system is very sensitive to stress hormones like cortisol. I can experience nausea, heartburn, abdominal cramps, diarrhea, and constipation as a result of too many stress hormones.
8. I feel anxious CONSTANTLY !.
Cortisol and epinephrine can lead to jitters, nervous stomach, feelings of panic, even paranoia, Yep - you guessed it - I get all of these - all the blinking time !!
9. I feel blue.
I don't mean cold - ( Although I fluctuate from hot and cold all the time ) but - High levels of cortisol suppress production of serotonin, and next thing you know, you’re awash in doom and gloom, and this happens at the click of a finger - and then - equally as fast - i'm fine again -
These are what I keep referring to as STORMS !! - High and low Cortisol Levels - and I can go from a Rage to a laughter to a blue to a suicidal 'storm' all within an hour = TRYING LIVING WITH SOMEONE SO FLUCTUATING - ME - well - I just kinda go with the flow - lol - I know when im ok - and when im not - BUT Knowing enough to take medication is another matter !!!
OMG - THE MONDAY THAT I DIDNT WANT TO DO - HAS LASTED FOR AGES - !!
TUESDAY - OK - so - Tuesday was a good day - I HAD THE FIRST DATE OF THE YEAR ( I know Im sooooo very very fussy !! = I get LOADS of messages on the dating websites that I am on BUT ... omg - I lose interest so fast ... Guys are usually after one thing - or Fake - or NOT my type - and the ones that are saying all the right things - I don't fancy = and YES - YOU DO NEED TO FANCY THEM !!! - I have recently changed my profile - the write up about yourself - as apparently - my last one was too many - don't do this and don't do that's on it - LMAO - so - here is a glimpse of my Dating Profile
My Profile Picture - Taken 20/11/2015
ALL PHOTOS ARE ALL RECENT -
I'm the sort of girl who Owns a Unicorn called Dave - AND NO - IM NOT MAD -
BUT - lmao - I have a Pituitary Tumour. = If your interested - Look it up !!!
Btw id drive you to the station at 3am ( im defo best in the mornings !! ) after making you a coffee, just so you were not late for business ( ok - I would if they hadn't nicked my licence ( illness not drunken loutish behaviour !! ;) !! pmsl - BUT I would WAVE FRANTICALLY AT YOU !! ;) !! )
AND ID GIVE YOU THE BEST KISS OF YOUR LIFE, So you cant wait to get back to me!
NOT HERE FOR A CARER OR SYMPATHY, or a guy with just a few hours to spare !
The girl you want is next one along - lol -
I want your time, effort, and playfulness!
EVERYONE MAKES AN EFFORT IF THEY ARE INTERESTED !! ;)
As you may have guessed - im POSITIVE, CONFIDENT, and BLOODY LOVELY !
Oh n your going to have to play with minions in tescos with me !! USING VOICES !!!!!!
Ohhh BTW - IT'S DEFINATELY IN YOUR INTEREST TO CHAT WITH ME !!
WANT TO MEET FOR COFFEE, CHAT AND SEE IF THERE ARE SPARKS!!!
Why be on here if you don't want to meet?,
If you don't drive, sorrrrry - DO ONE !!
See - That's totally me - nothing made up - and alllll me !!! Warts an all - Im getting about 50 messages a week - over three sites .... BUT - I met Andy On Tuesday - AND HE WAS LOVELY !! - here you go - I did a youtube video about it - so - have a change and watch me !! ;)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGDSmFBa5h0
OMG - 532 views in 5 days - Not too bad - one of my better videos - BUT not as good as a nightdress video which is on about 3and a half thousand views atm !! SOME MEN ARE PATHETIC !! - But - Not Andy, he is lovely - and im off to meet him for Lunch tomorrow !! - Will keep you updated !! ....
WEDNESDAY
Ok - Weds - As you can imagine - I was exhausted after the date - and came home and went to bed - well - I woke up - after Tom had gone to school ( I never wake this late - and ALWAYS say Goodbye to him - so I was mortified that I didn't today ) I eventually got up after Cassia had gone to school - and had a coffee - Furious mood - Mum came round and dragged me out for a coffee - but I couldn't go very far - so just went t the Garden Centre - which was lovely - but - got home and that was it - crashed - Through the floor - went to bed - and slept and slept - and slept and slept
THURSDAY
AND SLEPT AND SLEPT AND SLEPT ( I would wake for short intivals - to go to the loo and to txt / message / facebook / tweet Then I would fall back to sleep again ...... then - When I finally woke at 5pm ish - I decided no-body wanted me - and no-body could cope with me - and I was destined to be alone for ever more - ( Derek and Rodney excused ) So - I came downstairs and asked Alan ( My EX Who lives downstairs ) - very very calmly for the car keys - REALLY HOLDING IT TOGETHER - He asked why - where was I going - I kinda stumbled and said I was fine - AND I WANTED THE KEYS = He obviously wouldn't give them to me, SO THATS IT - I WENT MENTAL UTTERLY FLIPPED = SCREAMING / LOOKING AGGRESSIVE - SHOUTING - SWEARING - and so I grabbed a knife - went to the sink and tried to slit my wrist ( left one ) NO BLOODY ENERGY - AND NO BLOODY BLOOD - TRIED AGAIN - HARDER = I couldn't even really break the skin - ( I did a bit - stil have a few marks - but - no where near enough - and I just had no strength to go deeper = I was far too weak = Alan by this point had grabbed the knives away from me - and I was just uncontrollably sobbing - because I couldn't do it - Just no strength = He MADE me take Diazepam - ( I downed 8 in the end ) and I calmed down - Back to myself - ALL FINE - HAPPY AS LARRY - Within an hour I was watching THE FLASH with the Kids and having a lovely time - Laughing and Joking and just being 'normal' = Imagine living with THAT !!!!! No wonder Alan needs space and the kids are sooooooo empathic ... No-Body should have to live or cope with that behaviour ... Anyways - I went upto bed at 9.30pm with the kids - and slept till 7am the next day ....
FRIDAY
I cant even remember what I did on Friday now !! lmao - so - lets go to yesterday - I REMEMBER THAT !!
SATURDAY !!
Woke up very very happy - Came downstairs after a conversation in bed with Cassia = Only to see the EX on the phone - AND WELL - THATS IT - I HIT THE ROOF - no reason - I didn't want him to be on the phone - ( Nope - I have no idea either - as - it is no concern of mine - and really I have no interest ! - BUT - at the time - WELL - HOW FUCKING DARE HE !! ) - so - I went up to bed = and stayed there = Mum turned up at 2pm - Chatted with me - Just told me he was on phone to His mum and I should try and go out - WELL - THIS IS WHAT I WANTED TO DO !!! = So Alan - ( OMG That man really is a saint sometimes ! ) said get ready, I said I wanted to have a shower - and then we will go out - so - this is what I did - all happy - and fine = - in the car and drove off - OHHHHHH SHIT - Tom said something - Cant even remember what it was now - and so - ( Thank god Alan was going slowly ) I got out of the moving car - and walked home - NOPE - NOT GOING - IF THEY DONT WANT ME THERE - I WONT BE - and nothing could be done to stop me - I walked home - PHYSICALLY HURTING ( It was literally from the end of the road ) HEAD THROBBING - MAJOR PAIN - and went t my room - 5 mins later Alan came up - and said what Tom had said - and - Ohhhhhhhhhhh OK, I need to have a coffee - but then lets try again - Im ok now = SERIOUS - THATS AS FAST AS IT COMES ON AND GOES - We then went to Sainsburies = Laughing and having an absolute ball - myself and the children having an absolute blast = But - Alan telling us off as it wasn't a playground - and Cassia and I couldn't keep trying on hates and making so much noise - and we should STOP heckleing Andy = who was taking his kids to the Toilet - as his wife proclaimed in the lift - and NO - Cassia and I didn't want to go with Andy to the loo - we'd be ok - thank you for asking tho !! = Poor Alan couldn't keep track of me darting one way - Cass darting the other - and Tom saying that he wanted £20 of the £30 voucher we had for a pair of wireless Xbox one Headphones - and OMG They were soooooo much cheaper - and it would be a travesty if we were to leave them behind - and even though Alan said NO to him - he thought he would bring them with us - all around the shop JUST IN CASE Alan changed his mind !! = Which he OBVIOUSLY didn't !! This of course had me in hysterics - and then OMG THE ALARM ONY SOUNDED LIKE THE DRUMS OF OUT DOCTOR WHO - I SH*T YOU NOT ( Toms latest saying ) It scared the blinking life out of me - Tom Turned to me - Me at him - MOUTH OPEN - and just said = Time Lord = and so - all the way back to the car we were beating out the rhythm ..... ALL THE WAY DOWN THE TRAVELATORS - Which - Don't ever go on with me - unless you are wearing incontinence pads - as = apparently im quite funny = A Travelator to me is just like a blinking ride at Alton Towers - I have no co-ordination or - well - function of any kind - once I am on one of these - UNLESS = They have the feet painted on them ( as they do at Kings Cros Station - London ) = and if I can place my feet on these - well - ALL FINE - I AM SAFE - ohhhhh - only thing then is I do proceed to tell EVERYONE that there feet should be on the FEET - and if they are not - it is totally perilous and there own fault if they come to a sticky and rather nasty end ..... in a heap at the bottom - being stepped over and jumped on by all sorts of shoppers and commuters ..... I do actually feel VERY VERY STRONGLY ABOUT THIS ..... If there are feet there - USE THEM .....
OK - anyways - home - and all fine - Alan cooked the Indian that we bought - and we watch another Flash - and Im a Celebrity, had a lovely evening - Both kids loved it and I had a warm and snuggly Rodney sat on my lap, While Derek was on Tom's Lap - so all was lovely ....... Bed at 9.30pm........
SUNDAY
TODAY - Woke with a Cassia next to me = snuck in in the middle of the night - and just snuggles - occasionally saying - your over my side - move over - ( bloody cheek - I say and then we both collapse in a fit of giggles ) and way = Came down - fed cats - and asked Alan if he wanted a coffee - Yes - So made him one - Then - we sat chatting - and he said that if I took a couple of pills - I should be ok to come to Rugby to watch Tom play = WELL - I totally agreed - I felt fine - and thought the tabs would just keep me calm - and WHATA SUPERB IDEA - so - I went and showered - Cassia joined ;) = she then had a wash too ( copying ;) ! ) and then she chose me some clothes that wouldn't embarrass Tom ( I like very bright clothes BUT = Cass said no - use less bright - so I had black trousers and a black top - but with VERY BRIGHT pattern on it = so ok - cool - Then I grabbed the only hat I now possess = one with a face on it
- and I LOVE IT - and a matching scarf - and well - I was ready - SOOO EXCITED - BUT - then I heard ( Or I thought I heard ) Tom say that he would be tooooo embarrassed if I was there - and he wouldn't be able to concentrate - WELL - THAT WAS IT - I WAS OFF AGAIN F'ing and blinding - screaming, telling Tom I wanted nothing more to do with him and he was to live with his Nana - I had no son - I tend to say everything that is going to hurt both him and me the most - and I mean none of it - but CANT STOP MYSELF - Swearing the WORST POSSIBLE swear words at him - and I really would have thrown him down the stairs if he was at the top with me -
NO CONTROL IN THE SLIGHTEST .............................................
Another 6 Diazepam - quiet - no lights - no sound = and I am calm - Tom has gone to Rugby with Alan ( who I txt about 30 times telling HIM - HE was a Bast*** and everything else I could think of - and it was all his fault - and he wanted to build me up - only to knock me down = Then I got chatting via txt with some GREAT facebook mates - and LOW AND BEHOLD - IM OK AGAIN - 20 minutes after I sent Alan my last text - he phoned me - asked if I was ok - and told me he couldn't wait as Tom HAD to be at the match - BUT _ next week = Id go with them - and Tom was worried that the noise etc etc would set my head off - and he didn't want that to happen - THATS WHAT HE MEANT ! = Once again - I GOT IT WRONG = But - No - I bet Tom WONT talk to me - as I wont apologise for my behaviour - I have spoken with a Psychologist about this and they all agreed - lol there have been 5 of them - That - If I apologise - It makes it look as im in control - and TRUTH is - I am NOT - so - ok - Im sorry for upsetting Tom - BUT There is NOTHING I can do about it - and yes - IT WILL ALL HAPPEN AGAIN !!
LIVE WITH THAT !!!! Yup - that was my week - GOOD HEY - That's the reason I get so angry and anger txt people - people who complain that they cant do this and that - BUT - ACTUALLY - AT LEAST YOUR NOT A BURDEN TO AN EX HUSBAND AND YOUR MOTHER AT 41 YEARS OLD ... WITH NO FUCKING HOPE AT ALL OF GETTING BETTER, Even tho I keep being told That I am with the best University College in the world - with the best Endocrynologists and Neuro's around - WELL BLOODY HELP ME THEN !! - PMSL - Thank go I do have my sence of humour and personality - and pure ALLURE to keep me going !! ;)
TILL THE NEXT TIME !! ')
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