PLEA FOR HELP - PIT BRAIN TUMOUR - LATEST !

PLEA FOR HELP - PIT BRAIN TUMOUR - LATEST !

 

ALL OF THE BELOW COMMUNICATIONS ARE FROM THE PITUITARY FOUNDATION - AND MAY JUST HELP SOMEONE - SOMEWHERE - This is all a bit slap dash as my head not 100% atm - but - it should make some sence !! ;) = TO SOMEONE !! = LOL

 

 

 

Pituitary conditions

Pituitary disorders are considered rare. It is estimated that there are between 50,000 and 70,000 pituitary patients in the United Kingdom, which equates to 0.08% - 0.11% of the population.

The most common problem with the pituitary gland occurs when a benign tumour (used to describe a ‘growth’) also called an adenoma, develops. Pituitary tumours are not 'brain tumours'. The term benign is used by doctors to describe a swelling which is not cancerous.
Some pituitary tumours can exist for years without causing symptoms and some will never produce symptoms. Most pituitary tumours occur in people with no family history of pituitary problems and the condition is not usually passed on from generation to generation. Only very occasionally are tumours inherited - for example, in a condition known as multiple endocrine neoplasia (MEN1).
By far the most common type of tumour (about half of all cases) is the ‘non-functioning’ tumour. This is a tumour which doesn’t produce any hormones itself. It can cause headaches and visual problems or it can press on the pituitary gland, causing it to stop producing the required amount of one or more of the pituitary hormones. This effect can also happen by the treatment you are given for a tumour, such as surgery or radiotherapy. Alternatively, your pituitary tumour may begin to generate too much of one or more hormones.

Most common pituitary disorders

• Acromegaly
• Adult Growth Hormone Deficiency
• Craniopharyngioma
• Cushing's Disease
• Diabetes Insipidus
• Hypopituitarism
• Non-functioning tumours
• Prolactinoma

 

 

PLEASE - IF YOU ARE SUFFERING LIKE I AM - PLEASE GET IN TOUCH WITH THEM - THEY HAVE BEEN UTTERLY FABULOUS - AND HAVE REALLY HELPED ME ON MY WAY TO GETTING BETTER !!

IT MAY MAKE THINGS EASIER IF YOU START FROM THE BOTTOM AND WORK YOUR WAY UP ! - AS THE LAST EMAIL I HAVE RECIEVED - IS THE FIRST ONE I HAVE POSTED !!

 

TO GET IN TOUCH WITH THEM -

http://www.pituitary.org.uk/ 

https://twitter.com/Pituitary_org

https://www.facebook.com/pituitaryfoundation

 

PAT McBride has been utterly stupendous - and Alison the Endo Nurse so so helpful - and I am so angry at myself for not contacting them sooner ...

 

DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE - TAKE ACTION AND DO SOMETHING NOW ...

 

 

 

***************************************************************************************************************

 

Hi Abigail

 

I’m really sorry this has taken longer than I hoped. I had to ask several clinicians because I needed to know how to help you best.

 

Our medical committee members (including surgeon, psychologist and endocrine) who I asked have made the following comments:

 

The “storm” video shows what’s happening when she’s in extreme pain, along with the other symptoms that affect her at this time.  I agree with the other psychologists and psychiatrists that she says she has seen, that this is a medical problem which requires resolution of the cause, not simply treatment for the symptoms. To have survived for 2 years without adequate help and assistance is extraordinary.

 

Surgically, it’s not easy to understand more without a view of the scans. At Kings, Nick Thomas is the exceptional senior surgeon, if there's a surgical option, and is easy going sensible and approachable. Needs to push for appropriate endocrine referral – visual fields compromised!

 

Breaking chunks down on where to start, I suggest:

 

A.    Make appointment with your GP. Tell him/her that you’ve contacted The Pituitary Foundation for help – you may show your GP our committees’ comments.  Make a list of your symptoms you gave us to print off and show GP – I’ve tried to put these in order of severity/importance (bold text are symptoms that shouldn’t be ignored) but please do change them if I’m wrong:

 

1.    Loss of peripheral vision (Goldman Fields tests done)

2.    Head pain – excruciating (when does this happen, where is pain, how often happens and how long does it last?)

3.    Huge weight gain – not through overeating

4.    Hypothyroidism  

5.    Lack of concentration (If I read it hurts and my head ‘slows down’)

6.    Short term memory issues - also I have to keep shutting my eyes otherwise it feel like there is too much information going in my head  

7.    Diverse mood swings (Intense and uncontrollable -can last five minutes or days – taking Diazepam to calm me).

8.    Excessive tiredness to point of exhaustion

9.    Irregular periods

10.  Veins collapse

11.  Unexplained bruising

12.  Hyperactivity

13.  Muscle weakness

14.  Bowel irregular 

 

Show your GP the video you showed us (on your phone if possible). Your GP may not have seen you in such pain.

 

B.    Add to your list, the last health professionals you saw and approximate date and what they told you they would do

C.   All pituitary patients should have monitoring on a regular basis (6 monthly or annually) and it appears you have not been seen by Kings for two years. This should not have anything to do with funding – it is essential to at least monitor pituitary hormones, in a tertiary centre, appropriate replacements given and certainly your vision, which is compromised.

 

I am sadly aware in my 20 years of working with patients that somewhat unnecessary psychological signposting is given, instead of appropriate medical help. In a number of cases, as yours, the psychologists have insisted the patient needs medical care and NOT psychological help.

 

Please do let me know how you are and what’s happening. If you give me your phone number, I will call you later today or tomorrow.

 

Take care

Pat McBride
Head of Patient and Family Services

0117 370 1315

pat@pituitary.org.uk

The Pituitary Foundation

'Working to Support Pituitary Patients'

Any information provided is meant in general terms. If you are enquiring about a medical issue, we would like to emphasise that all patients are different and you should seek advice from your specialist or GP.

Internet communications may not be secure. The Pituitary Foundation is not responsible for their abuse by third parties nor for any alteration or corruption in transmission.

Company Limited by Guarantee

Registered in England No 3253584

Registered Charity No 1058968

 

 

 

From: abigail collin barry [mailto:abigailcollin@hotmail.com]
Sent: 27 July 2015 15:16
To: Helpline <Helpline@pituitary.org.uk>
Subject: RE: PLEASE HELP ME

 

Thank you so so much, I will do. Xxx

Sent from my Windows Phone

---

From: Helpline
Sent: ‎27/‎07/‎2015 14:38
To: abigail collin barry
Subject: RE: PLEASE HELP ME

Hi Abigail

 

We are still seeking advice but please do call our Endocrine Specialist nurse Alison tonight between 6pm – 9pm on 0117 370 1317

Best wishes 

 

Pat McBride
Head of Patient and Family Services

0117 370 1315

pat@pituitary.org.uk

The Pituitary Foundation

'Working to Support Pituitary Patients'

Any information provided is meant in general terms. If you are enquiring about a medical issue, we would like to emphasise that all patients are different and you should seek advice from your specialist or GP.

Internet communications may not be secure. The Pituitary Foundation is not responsible for their abuse by third parties nor for any alteration or corruption in transmission.

Company Limited by Guarantee

Registered in England No 3253584

Registered Charity No 1058968

 

 

 

 

 

From: abigail collin barry [mailto:abigailcollin@hotmail.com]
Sent: 24 July 2015 16:14
To: Helpline <Helpline@pituitary.org.uk>
Subject: RE: PLEASE HELP ME

 

Thank you so much, I have been in bed all day due to headaches n feeling so depressed and then so angry, I cant be around anyone, I can't live like this much more .... Thank you for trying to help.

Sent from my Windows Phone

---

From: Helpline
Sent: ‎24/‎07/‎2015 11:38
To: abigail collin barry
Subject: RE: PLEASE HELP ME

Hi Abigail

 

I’m going to see if I can seek medical advice here, and I will get back to you.

 

Many thanks  

 

Pat McBride
Head of Patient and Family Services

0117 370 1315

pat@pituitary.org.uk

The Pituitary Foundation

'Working to Support Pituitary Patients'

Any information provided is meant in general terms. If you are enquiring about a medical issue, we would like to emphasise that all patients are different and you should seek advice from your specialist or GP.

Internet communications may not be secure. The Pituitary Foundation is not responsible for their abuse by third parties nor for any alteration or corruption in transmission.

Company Limited by Guarantee

Registered in England No 3253584

Registered Charity No 1058968

 

 

 

 

 

From: abigail collin barry [mailto:abigailcollin@hotmail.com]
Sent: 23 July 2015 22:33
To: Helpline <Helpline@pituitary.org.uk>
Subject: RE: PLEASE HELP ME

 

Thank you so so much for getting in touch.
I have had Kings do one set of full blood tests and one set of spittle cortisol tests, I was not informed of the results !!
They discharged me saying I would need alot of exploration and they would rather have the GP treat the symptoms rather than the cause.
I have since been down the psych route, MANY TIMES, and each time they say it is medical.
I was told by the Crisis Team consultant after taking an overdose s few weeks ago that she would organise full bloods and MRI and another psych examination.... None of which were done.
I am still waiting to be allocated a support worker, as there is no body available at the moment...
I have since found out I can demand to see a endo or pituitary specialist of my choosing, but as I have already been seen by Kings, my GP is under the illusion I should try Yoga and paracetamol  !!!!!!!!!!
Thank you so much for trying to help.

Sent from my Windows Phone

---

From: Helpline
Sent: ‎23/‎07/‎2015 17:03
To: abigail collin barry
Subject: RE: PLEASE HELP ME

Dear Abigail

 

Thank you for getting in touch with us.

 

Firstly, can you let me know if you are currently being treated for deficient or over active hormones, because of your tumour? And by an endocrinologist who is experienced in pituitary.

 

I don’t understand about funding not being available – this must be essential for diagnosing your pituitary condition accurately, and ongoing treatment. Has an expert pituitary surgeon seen your MRI scans?

 

I’ve looked at your video – have you shown your GP this?

 

Please do get back to me and I will try to help further.

 

Kind regards

 

Pat McBride

Head of Patient & Family Services

 

 NORMAL 10 YEAR OLD

 

 NORMAL 10 STONE  27 YEAR OLD !

 

 20 STONE 40 YEAR OLD !

 

 

From: abigail collin barry [mailto:abigailcollin@hotmail.com]
Sent: 23 July 2015 11:50
To: Helpline <Helpline@pituitary.org.uk>
Subject: PLEASE HELP ME

 

PLEASE EXCUSE THIS UNMITIGATED PLEA FOR HELP ....
I HAVE BEEN TOLD THERE IS NO FUNDING IN THE SOUTH EAST TO TREAT MY CONDITION ...
I HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED VIA NUMEROUS MRI'S WITH A ENLARGED PITUITARY AND A TUMOUR ON THE STALK OF THE PITUITARY GLAND AND I HAVE BEE TOLD BY A PSYCHOLOGIST I HAVE A TRAUMATISED AMYGDALA GLAND ..... 2 YEARS AGO ..... Since then I have been shuvved from Pillar to Post !
I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT SYMPTOMS WILL BE TREATED NOT THE CAUSE - BECAUSE NO-ONE KNOWS WHAT DAMAGE WILL BE DONE IF THE CAUSE IS TREATED ?
MANY SYMPTOMS ARE VERY VERY SIMILAR TO MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS
I KNOW IT IS NOT A MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE !!
I HAVE BEEN TOLD BY PSYCHOLOGISTS AND PSYCHIATRISTS ! ....
 
Just a few symptoms include ( in no order ) : HUGE WEIGHT GAIN, COLLAPSING VEINS, HYPOTHYROIDISM, BORDERLINE PCOS, MASSIVE MOOD SWINGS ( TOTALLY UNCONTROLLABLE and INTENCE - Can last five minutes or days - NEEDS DIAZEPAM TO CALM ME DOWN OTHERWISE I WILL CARRY ON - CANT CALM DOWN MYSELF AT ALL  ) BRUISEING FOR NO REASON, EXCESSIVE TIREDNESS, HYPERACTIVE, MUSCLE WEAKNESS, IRREGULAR PERIODS, CONSTIPATION, EXTREME DIARRHOEA, LOSS OF PERIPHERAL VISION ( Goldman Fields tests done ) LACK OF CONCENTRATION ( If I read it HURTS AND MY HEAD SLOWS DOWN )  - HUGE MEMORY PROBLEMS - also I have to keep shutting my eyes otherwise it feel like there is too much information going in my head ...
 
I ALSO HAVE MY HEAD SHUT DOWN - NOT  DUE TO PANIC ATTACK OR SOCIAL ANXIETY MAYBE JUST BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN TO BUSY ( Like go out for coffee and pop to a shop on way home !!!!! = THATS BUSY ) - MY HEAD SLOWS AND EVENTUALLY STOPS - SO I FALL ASLEEP - During this time I stutter and I cant get words I know to come out of my mouth, - I cant think - and the pain in my head, behind the eyes ( and travelling to the back of my head ) is IMMENCE - I have captured one of these 'Storms' on Camera - Please see link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2uwxPQWMlI
Normally I have no trouble talking and can talk for England ! - BUT - When these 'Storms' Happen - that's it - EVERYTHING STOPS.
I AM NOW UNABLE TO LIVE A LIFE - IM AT HOME AND I TRY TO BE POSITIVE AND HAPPY - BUT I HATE MY LIFE - I CANT GO OUT WITHOUT SOMEONE - INCASE I GET ANGRY ( another side effect ) OR INCASE I GO GIDDY AND CANT STAND UP - I AM A BURDEN TO MY FAMILY AND NEED HELP
- I TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE A FEW WEEKS AGO - I AM DESPERATE FOR HELP
I HAVE NOW BEEN TOLD I NEED FUNDING AS THERE IS NO-ONE 'IN AREA' WHO WILL OR CAN TREAT ME ?? A PSYCHOLOGIST IS TRYING TO GET THIS FUNDING - ( I HAVE SEEN PSYCHOLOGISTS AND PSYCHIATRISTS WHO BOTH SAY IT IS A MEDICAL MATTER ALTHOUGH SIGNS ARE THERE FOR BIPOLAR - BUT IT IS NOT BIPOLAR ! - I HAVE ALSO GONE COUNCILLING - ( I talk to anyone and this isn't and issue - but have done what the doctors tell me - CBT Does NOT work - as my Mood swings are UNCONTROLLABLE and its as if I have a duel personality - like Jekyll and Hyde ) - I CANT EVEN BE LEFT ALONE WITH MY OWN CHILDREN IN CASE I OVER REACT AND GET ANGRY - AS I AM TOTALLY UNSURE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN - I DONT AND NEVER WANT TO HURT ANYONE - BUT IF SOMEONE COMES TOWARDS ME - I REACT ...
EVERYTHING IS UNINTENTIONAL - I DONT MEAN TO SAY OR DO ANYTHING BAD - BUT IT HAPPENS - AND WHEN I CANT THINK - ALL I CAN DO - OUT OF FRUSTRATION I BELIEVE - IS SWEAR .... WORDS THAT I NEVER EVER WOULD GENERALLY USE ... AND ANYWHERE IN FRONT OF ANYONE -
I AM NOT DEPRESSED - BUT GET TERRIBLY TERRIBLY SUICIDAL - I OVER REACT AND AM PARANOID AND THINK EVERYONE HATES ME - THEN IM FINE AGAIN AND KNOW THIS IS NOT THE CASE !!!
PLEASE PLEASE CAN YOU POINT ME IN SOME SORT OF DIRECTION
I AM DESPERATE
MANY THANKS
ABIGAIL COLLIN-BARRY

 

 

Sent from Windows Mail

 

 

Non-functioning tumour

By far the most common type of tumour of the pituitary gland (about half of all cases) is the 'non-functioning' tumour. This is a tumour which does not produce any hormones itself.

It can cause headaches and visual problems or it can press on the pituitary gland, causing it to stop producing the required amount of one or more of the pituitary hormones, leading to hypopituitarism.

Typical symptoms ( I SUFFER ALL OF THE BELOW ! )

• excessive tiredness and decreased energy
• muscle weakness
• reduced body hair
• irregular periods (Oligomenorrhoea) or loss of normal menstrual function (Amenorrhoea) - females
• decrease in sex drive
• weight gain
• increased sensitivity to cold
• constipation
• dry skin
• pale appearance
• low blood pressure and dizziness on standing (postural hypotension)
• headaches
• vision disturbance

Each of the symptoms described above occur in response to the loss of one or more of the hormones produced by the pituitary. Decrease in the production of only one hormone would not lead to all the symptoms described above. )

DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT !!! XXX

 

 

PLEA FOR HELP - PITUITARY BRAIN TUMOUR - NO FUNDING ???????

PLEA FOR HELP - PITUITARY BRAIN TUMOUR - NO FUNDING ???????

I was told the other day at my 2nd Appt ( Yes that's right - the 2nd ) after my Suicide Attempt almost three months ago - that the person that needs to see me - and that I have been REFERED to hasn't yet arrived down this ' neck of the woods '  - SO - The Psychiatrist (!) is going to HAVE TO - on my behalf - go cap in hand to the Maudsley Hospital - in front of a board of directors and funding people ? in LONDON to ask for them to see me PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE - This - The Plea I was told - Is going to happen in about three months time -
THEN They would decide IF I was a good enough candidate to be seen by THEIR consultants !!!
( FURIOUS IS NOT THE WORD !! !)
The Maudsley Hospital in Camberwell first opened in 1915, initially as a military hospital and then as a psychiatric hospital in 1923. To find out more about our services at the Maudsley Hospital services use our clinical service finder.
Institute of Psychiatry, Psychology and Neuroscience, King's College London
The Insititute of Psychiatry is also based on the Maudsley Hospital site. It is Europe's largest centre for research and post-graduate education in psychiatry, psychology, basic and clinical neuroscience, and is world renowned for the quality of our research.

THING IS - I HAVE A BLOODY PITUITARY TUMOUR - MY PROBLEM IS MEDICAL - AND NOT PSYCHIATRIC !!! = The Tumour is pressing on different parts of the brain - making it LOOK - like it is Psych - Yet  - IT IS MEDICAL !! = So - It HAS TO BE TREATED MEDICALLY - Otherwise I will end up a Zombie on Anti Psychotic drugs !!!
OMG - IF I UNDERSTAND THIS - WHY CANT THE PROFESSIONALS !!!

ANYWAYS - I HAVE DONE A BIT OF DIGGING TODAY - AND NOW MY HEAD IS ABOUT TO STOP - BUT - HURRAHHHH = I HAVE ACCESSED THE WAY TO GO -

THIS IS AN EASY TO UNDERSTAND LOG OF HOW I DID IT -
( Requested by The Brain Tumour and Pituitary Organisation in Braintree )


I BASICALLY SENT THE BELOW LETTER / EMAIL - TO CONSULTANTS I FOUND OFF THE INTERNET BY PUTTING " PITUITARY CONSULTANTS, SPECIALISTS , ENDOCRINOLOGIST AND UNUSUAL EFFECTS OF PITUITARY TUMOURS " IN GOOGLE - IN DIFFERENT WAYS -
I GOT THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION BACK VIA EMAIL AND TWO PHONE CALLS ........
ALL SAYING THE SAME - DEMAND A GP REFERAL - IT IS YOUR RIGHT .....

I EMAILED THE INDIVIDUAL CONSULTANTS IN ALOT OF CASES AND THATS WHERE THE HELP CAME FROM -
TRY SECRETARIES AND YOU DONT GET AN ANSWER !! ( THEY ARE TOO BUSY !! )
THE BELOW LETTER IS WHAT I SENT - IN TYPICAL ABBY FASHION !! ;) !!



********************************************************************************




PLEASE EXCUSE THIS UNMITIGATED PLEA FOR HELP ....

I HAVE BEEN TOLD THERE IS NO FUNDING IN THE SOUTH EAST TO TREAT MY CONDITION ...

I HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED VIA NUMEROUS MRI'S WITH A ENLARGED PITUITARY AND A TUMOUR ON THE STALK OF THE PITUITARY GLAND AND I HAVE BEE TOLD BY A PSYCHOLOGIST I HAVE A TRAUMATISED AMYGDALA GLAND ..... 2 YEARS AGO ..... Since then I have been shuvved from Pillar to Post !

I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT SYMPTOMS WILL BE TREATED NOT THE CAUSE - BECAUSE NO-ONE KNOWS WHAT DAMAGE WILL BE DONE IF THE CAUSE IS TREATED ?

MANY SYMPTOMS ARE VERY VERY SIMILAR TO MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS
I KNOW IT IS NOT A MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE !!
I HAVE BEEN TOLD BY PSYCHOLOGISTS AND PSYCHIATRISTS ! ....
 
Just a few symptoms include ( in no order ) : HUGE WEIGHT GAIN, COLLAPSING VEINS, HYPOTHYROIDISM, BORDERLINE PCOS, MASSIVE MOOD SWINGS ( TOTALLY UNCONTROLLABLE and INTENCE - Can last five minutes or days - NEEDS DIAZEPAM TO CALM ME DOWN OTHERWISE I WILL CARRY ON - CANT CALM DOWN MYSELF AT ALL  ) BRUISEING FOR NO REASON, EXCESSIVE TIREDNESS, HYPERACTIVE, MUSCLE WEAKNESS, IRREGULAR PERIODS, CONSTIPATION, EXTREME DIARRHOEA, LOSS OF PERIPHERAL VISION ( Goldman Fields tests done ) LACK OF CONCENTRATION ( If I read it HURTS AND MY HEAD SLOWS DOWN )  - HUGE MEMORY PROBLEMS - also I have to keep shutting my eyes otherwise it feel like there is too much information going in my head ...

I ALSO HAVE MY HEAD SHUT DOWN - NOT  DUE TO PANIC ATTACK OR SOCIAL ANXIETY MAYBE JUST BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN TO BUSY ( Like go out for coffee and pop to a shop on way home !!!!! = THATS BUSY ) - MY HEAD SLOWS AND EVENTUALLY STOPS - SO I FALL ASLEEP - During this time I stutter and I cant get words I know to come out of my mouth, - I cant think - and the pain in my head, behind the eyes ( and travelling to the back of my head ) is IMMENCE - I have captured one of these 'Storms' on Camera - Please see link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2uwxPQWMlI
Normally I have no trouble talking and can talk for England ! - BUT - When these 'Storms' Happen - that's it - EVERYTHING STOPS.

I AM NOW UNABLE TO LIVE A LIFE - IM AT HOME AND I TRY TO BE POSITIVE AND HAPPY - BUT I HATE MY LIFE - I CANT GO OUT WITHOUT SOMEONE - INCASE I GET ANGRY ( another side effect ) OR INCASE I GO GIDDY AND CANT STAND UP - I AM A BURDEN TO MY FAMILY AND NEED HELP

- I TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE A FEW WEEKS AGO - I AM DESPERATE FOR HELP

I HAVE NOW BEEN TOLD I NEED FUNDING AS THERE IS NO-ONE 'IN AREA' WHO WILL OR CAN TREAT ME ?? A PSYCHOLOGIST IS TRYING TO GET THIS FUNDING - ( I HAVE SEEN PSYCHOLOGISTS AND PSYCHIATRISTS WHO BOTH SAY IT IS A MEDICAL MATTER ALTHOUGH SIGNS ARE THERE FOR BIPOLAR - BUT IT IS NOT BIPOLAR ! - I HAVE ALSO GONE COUNCILLING - ( I talk to anyone and this isn't and issue - but have done what the doctors tell me - CBT Does NOT work - as my Mood swings are UNCONTROLLABLE and its as if I have a duel personality - like Jekyll and Hyde ) - I CANT EVEN BE LEFT ALONE WITH MY OWN CHILDREN IN CASE I OVER REACT AND GET ANGRY - AS I AM TOTALLY UNSURE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN - I DONT AND NEVER WANT TO HURT ANYONE - BUT IF SOMEONE COMES TOWARDS ME - I REACT ...

EVERYTHING IS UNINTENTIONAL - I DONT MEAN TO SAY OR DO ANYTHING BAD - BUT IT HAPPENS - AND WHEN I CANT THINK - ALL I CAN DO - OUT OF FRUSTRATION I BELIEVE - IS SWEAR .... WORDS THAT I NEVER EVER WOULD GENERALLY USE ... AND ANYWHERE IN FRONT OF ANYONE -

I AM NOT DEPRESSED - BUT GET TERRIBLY TERRIBLY SUICIDAL - I OVER REACT AND AM PARANOID AND THINK EVERYONE HATES ME - THEN IM FINE AGAIN AND KNOW THIS IS NOT THE CASE !!!

PLEASE PLEASE CAN YOU POINT ME IN SOME SORT OF DIRECTION

I AM DESPERATE

MANY THANKS

ABIGAIL COLLIN-BARRY








THESE ARE THE PLACES I HAVE SENT MY PLEA TOO :

jkatz@hormoneconsultant.com Peter Bullock - Neurosurgery and Pituitary Specialist - LONDON Ashley Grossman - Endocrine Specialist - ( Immediate response - I am sorry to hear of your multiple problems, but I am afarid you could only be seen with a specific referral from your GP. Regards, Ashley Grossman OXFORD ) Pituitary Organisation. Sir Victor Horsley Department of Neurosurgery The National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery 33 Queen Square London WC1N 3BG. Telephone: 020 3448 3176 Fax: 020 3448 3340 ( GP To refer ) Flynn, Dr Michael D - Kent & Canterbury Hospital - Speciality ENDOCRINE ! ( GP to refer ) natalie.ronan@uclh.nhs.uk - University College Hospital LONDON - ( RESPONCE : You can be referred to UCLH.  As a patient, government policy allows you to make decisions about your healthcare. If your GP thinks that you need to be referred to a specialist, you can choose to be seen at any hospital in the country. This means that regardless of where you live, you have the right to see one of UCLH’s experts. - Your best Option Mrs Barry is to ask for a GP referral to : Dr Stephanie Baldeweg, Consultant Endcorinologist at UCLH and the National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery - Good Luck FROM WHAT I CAN GATHER - I JUST HAVE TO DEMAND THAT  MY GP REFERS ME - SO - I HOPE THIS HAS HELPED SOMEONE ELSE TOO - YOU DONT HAVE TO GO ALONG WITH WHAT YOUR TOLD - YOU CAN FIGHT TO BE SEEN BY WHO YOU WISH - YOU TAKE THE MATTERS INTO YOUR OWN HANDS AND DO SOME RESEARCH !! = THEN DEMAND TO SEE WHO YOU WANT !! IT'S YOUR RIGHT !

HOW TO KEEP POSITIVE WITH A PITUITARY BRAIN TUMOUR / PTSD / HYPOTHYROIDISM !

HOW TO KEEP POSITIVE WITH A
PITUITARY BRAIN TUMOUR / PTSD / HYPOTHYROIDISM !

HAHAHAHAHAH - What a great enticing header I write as I literally sit here dribbling - ohhh - The dribbling its getting worse - but soooo funny as I don't know im doing it till its dripping - and ohh if your sat opposite me eating your bacon sarnie - WHEWWW WHEWWW - FREE BACON SARNIE FOR ME !!! - lmao - Well - what a title and what an opener- bet you wernt expecting that - but- with me - expect the unexpected !! - ALWAYS !!

Right - this blog - ( I thought id do another as I havnt done one for a while and I thought id best do one as I would get out of practise - This one isn't going to be a rant as my last one was about " Stereotyping ! "- I sounded like I was back at school quoting this and that - ohhh but I did enjoy it !! - BUT This post is going to be about How I TRY to keep myself Positive with the life that I have ..... OK OK - BACKGROUND- ( Very short - as I know - I know I do ramble on ! ) FOR THOSE THAT DONT KNOW ME !! : I am a 40  year old Hypothyroid sufferer - Ohhhhhh -- I don't like the useage of the word sufferer = people in Etheopia are sufferer's, Not me = Can I say that ? - Is that PC - Ohh well - just done it ! - anyways I have Hypothyroidism, PTSD and a Bulky Pituitary Gland - WITH a Tumour that comes and goes - on the Stalk of the Pit Gland ( Brain ) causing my brain to shut down if too much info goes in !! pmsl - REALLY !! - im not joking - my whole head just gives up - and I slur my speech - make up words - go giddy - cant think - cant stand - Ohhhhhhhh a whole host of symptoms !! - each as great as the first !! Its realy rather SHIT - BUT - I TRY - when im me - TO be POSITVE AND FRIENDLY AND OPEN AND HONEST AND UNIQUE - ohhh im that anyways ! - ok - ermmmm - INSPIRATIONAL !! = YES I like that - I wanna be INSPIRATIONAL !! ;) !!

Well - before I carry on - my week goes something like this - : Daily : Wake up , Take Tablets, kids up, shower - GO GIDDY AND BOY ITS PAINFUL LIFTING MY HANDS ABOVE MY HEAD - Get out of shower - 4 minutes is ALL that is needed !! = Make up on as I dry - clothes on - get kids their orange juice downstairs and a pain au chocolate n apple, lunchboxes in school bags - make COFFEE - ( NEVER EVER TEA ) Clean Kittens out ( I have 2 x 10 week old Kittens atm ! )

 and let PeggatyPawz out in the garden to take in the air and wake everyone in the neighbour hood up barking !! - awwww - she gotta have some entertainment too

!!! SHOUT at Tom again - Get shouted back at - argument - Take Diazepam - Sit down with coffee - Head now spinning - quick convo while kids get ready and stuff - say goodbye - then they have been whisked off to school by Bus or Car - Peace !! = I then usually wait til my head is ok - then Hoover - make dinner - dust - sort out and tidy bedrooms - washing - empty bins and anything else that needs doing - THEN COFFEE AGAIN !!

 - By this time my head is well and truly GONE !! - I cant think or concentrate on anything !! I just 'do' !! ...... Usually I go on the computer :

POSITIVITY AND MOTIVATION BEGINS !!!

I have my own YouTube Channel, and Goggle+ ATM 93thousand VIEWS !! ) Pinterest Boards, Twitter and Facebook ( Mainly for friends and family is my facebook account )
Mostly under Abigail Barry or PeggatyPawz if you wanna have a peek !! BUT .... Remember - Some people may NOT like what they see - and may Disagree with what I am doing - I am in a Body Positivity Movement - Basically Confident FAT people - Giving Help guidance and support to UnPostiive Fat People - and OMG IT WORKS - I have had hundreds of lovely lovely emails thanking me for doing what I do - so - NO NEGATIVITY - I LIKE WHAT I DO AND I AM HELPING PEOPLE - SO - ALL GOOD !! - ( Lmao - Nothing Pornographic mother - don't worry !! )- Dignity still intact !! )

On YouTube - I have found a group and we call ourselves Coens Angels - People who engage and entice guys who like a BBW ( Big Beautiful Woman ) to get out there and give compliments and tell BBW's that they are gorgeous- TO SHOW SUPPORT AND POSITIVITY AMONG THE RANKS - Our Guide/Mentor if you like is Coen Naninck of Curvy Shrine - YouTube Channel as below  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiYGkklFXidfFl-k16NqRLw - His Philosophy is "  In today’s world women have to be thin to be “beautiful”. On this YouTube channel and the website curvyshrine.com you can learn that curves can be found all throughout nature and that women of different shapes and sizes are beautiful and attractive " ..... He is outstanding and such a lovely individual and has helped many many women relalise their true Potential = Yeah Yeah - OK - I do have a soft spot for him - but he knows this !! ;) !! lol - !! Check him out !!

I too have my own channel make make videos almost daily and now have 64 subscribers and over 8 thousand views which isnt bad in over a month - On my channel - I talk about me - RATHER ALOT !! - and the kittens get involved - and I also chat about Brain Tumours and Body Confidence and all sorts of waffle really, I don't edit my videos- what you see is what you get - and yes - it has been known for me to break the camera - on camera - and now I have to hold the bloody thing !! but all good ! - I have a fantastic response - so all good - I also post things I like - Videos by others - ie songs - or funny things ( Aaron Crascall / Pigeon Prank / Disco Boy / Home made Car Lip sync Videos  or inspirational doings - all good stuff ... )

On My Twitter and Google accounts - omg - I post everything and anything - as positive as I can - and information I find helpful and informative and funny things - loads of animal stuff too !! OMG - and Philosophical stuff and inspirational quotes - just stuff to make people smile - and once again - I have loads of great comments and loads of lovely replies - ohhh that's the same thing - lmao ... I do love both Twiter and Google+ But - OMG - They are a lot for me to maintain - and I seem to be taking ages to find different material to post for other people to feel good about themselves- lmao - maybe that's a bit of OCD ?? But - I love it , only thing - once  get on the computer - my head zones out - and I just write ( like this ) or talk - and I often forget what im talking about or thinking and come out with absolute rubbish - so - thank god for some of my followers who have become friends and tell me to " Take that video / blog / message off Abs as it makes no sence " - lmao !! BUT - usualy = I leave stuff on - so people can see the difference in my posts = when im well and then when im not so well - then it helps them too !! I have had brain Charities saying my posts are INVALUABLE - yes - invaluable - me !! - to others with my condition - although = they havnt heard as yet of a Bulky Pit and a Cyclical Pit Tumour, PTSD and Hypothyroidism all at once !!- GO ME - RARITY ! Ohhh I have been know to wind the odd person up tto - and have the odd fight !! ;) !

 

Ohhh I have been know to wind the odd person up tto - and have the odd fight !! ;) !

 

 

OK - NOW im knackered - ive passed about 5 hours on the computer and havnt had breakfast or lunch - or remembered to go to the loo - so - I usually have to rush to the loo - then that's it - im done - my head stops - and I HAVE TO GO TO BED - I sleep then for maybe 2 hours - exhausted = Then get up - chat to kids - Ohhh ok - I say chat to kids - but I cant usually think of what to say - so they tel me about their day - I never remember and usually end up asking later on - and really wind them up - then I have dinner- whoever is here - ie Alan / Mum / Dad / Gaye wil have warmed the dinner - ( Or in mum and dads case made and brought it round with them !! - don't think they trust my food !! !) and then - If I havnt 'Stormed' ( A MAD time where I get VERY VERY VERY VERY ARGUEMENTATIVE AND SO VERY ANGRY AND AGGRESSIVE ) and taken myself back upstairs and HAVE to take a whole handful of Diazepam to calm down as its a over stimulation of Hormone that has caused me to be sooo Volatile !  - If I am ok I will eat dinner - ( Often I go without ! ) YS YES YES - IM HUGE AND FAT - BUT NOT BECAUSE OF OVEREATING ! - Its because my body is in starvation mode and EVERYTHING I do eat gets put on in fat - AND I am no longer able to do excersise as the over exertion does my head in !! so - no chance of loosing - Its such a pain in the arse as I did used to do 5x2hour sessions at the gym then Aqua - until I had a 'Storm' there and then was told I couldn't work out there any more as they were not insured for my particular condition .... Mind you - Now - I don't think I could - as it would set my head off just thinking about it - but - when I was their for the Over a year that I did - I LOVED IT !! ( Shhhhhhhhhh and all those fit guys - yummy !! )

Anyways - Now its washing up time - and I ALWAYS HAVE TO WASH UP - whether im ok or not - as cant stand having dirty plates in the sink - so - I could be stood there in floods of tears as it actually physically hurts to use my arms - BUT - I MAKE MYSELF DO IT - I don't want to be a Burden to anyone ... Ok - Ok - I put stuff away wet - Shoot me - But - By this point I cant dry anything - and TBH I cant be bothered !! = so - the stuff goes away wet and I then make Coffee - ohh and kettle on - and lunch boxes are now on a timer to have ready before the kettle boils - OHHHH DONT JUDGE ME !! - Sandwich, 3 x fruit things - Drink and Yogurt ! = DONE !! in fridge - and sit down for the TV - The only things in insist on watching ( Unless im ill - ) are Eastenders and Holby !! - LOVE EM !! - and omg sexy doctors - yummy !!

 Harry and Raf - Yummy !

Then - 9pm comes and I go to bed - usualy before the kids - lmao - but- 9pm - and that's it- I go upstairs TOTALY EXHAUSTED AND EYES DROOPING - wash - teeth - loo - Bed and BOING- IM WIDE AWAKE - and could be until 2am !!= ITS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANNOYING = But apparently a normal thing for people who have what I do - My brain just starts on over drive and that's it  - im off !! ........ Then - When I think I can sleep - I put my phone down - ( I usually go on the internet ) and then go straight to sleep - But - I always KNOW when im going to be able to sleep !! - Then I may wake in the middle of the night lmao - ok ok - morning - for the loo again - about 4am = then Cas will come in at around 6am !! - Could say my sleep is shot to bits !!

So - well this Blog has gone onto A DAY IN THE LIFE !!! - lmao - and that's it - that's what I do - UNLESS - Mum or Gaye Or Alan ( occasionally ) or friends take me out for coffee ! ( Mum and Gaye do also take me shopping !! which I love - but I have to keep close to them and not be too busy - once again if there is too many people - its a brain overload - not that I care less about a lot of people - its just my brain cant cope .... Then I just go giddy and head shuts down and slury speech and omg then I start crying and holding my head and look a right loon ! !! - Nothing helps until literally im in a dark room and ALL stimulas has been taken away !! .... Then my head calms - unless I take loads of Diazepam again !! Then I may calm down !! )

So - that's about it - The life I havnt got anymore ( Work and Animals and Friends and stuff ) has been taken over with giving positivity to others - and that does keep me entertained and HELPS ME COPE WITH WHAT I DO HAVE !!! = So - The moral of the story - Be Positive and Motivational to others - and in return IT DOES HELP YOU !!! .......

STEREOTYPING - OMG - I HATE STEROTYPING

STEREOTYPING - OMG - I HATE STEROTYPING

Before you read my Blog - PLEASE watch this link below - it's only two minutes - and I do so hope it may change your view or make you more passionate about STOPPING STEROTYPING FOREVER !! Just have a quick look - and come back to me !!

http://share100.goingviralposts.biz/coca-cola-campaign-aims-to-remove-labels/

NOW - HOW GOOD WAS THAT !! - Ive posted this link everywhere - and so want it too go Viral - It deserves too - Its just fabulous and the mastermind behind it it a brainbox -
Now - People that KNOW me - know I have a thing about Stereotypes - I get stereotyped DAILY - and it so doesn't bother me - ( Mmmmmm - I don't think it does !! ) Ive been called a Lesbian, Common, Aggressive, Moody, Vain ( hahahahha me vain - ohhhh ok I take this one !! - SOMETIMES !! ) Changeable, Self Centered, Superficial, Grumpy - OHHH THE LIST GOES ON !! Literally - it does go on and on - BUT - There is always a reason behind MY behaviour - mainly due to my tumour - BUT Stereotyping appearance  (such as hygiene and selection of clothes, hair, Tattoos etc) are functions of personality, Do we have the right to question someones Personality ?? Someones Physical appearance affects their happiness, self-esteem, and success - Have we the right to judge ?? I BELIEVE NOT ...

This even goes as far as Children - yes = it starts right at the beginning - Good-looking children are treated as social superiors, NO NO - THINK ABOUT IT - THEY REALLY ARE - because in society, stereotype says that popular people are good looking. Conversely, children who are deemed to be not as attractive are often treated as inferior and daft in comparison to the other children. Think about it - You know someone who this has happened too - I can guarantee it.

 

 

I found this study - and OMG its fun - and the emphasis is on names - STEROTYPEING AT ITS BEST !!

Lets say you had 11 children, I'll describe them and you name them (first and middle).
1) A boy, "emo", black hair, blue eyes, sweet -
2) A girl, "goth", pyromaniac(likes fire) -
3) A girl, funny, bubbly, sweet -
4) A girl, very religious, a bit stuck up -
5 & 6) Twins, a boy and a girl, mischievous and troublesome, both have blonde hair and green eyes -
7) A boy, sporty, tanned, "prep" -
8) A boy, ladies man, brown hair and brown eyes -
9) A girl, loves vintage, "indie", wavy light brown hair, green eyes, opinionated -
10) A boy, very smart, loves computer games, caring, romantic, black hair -
11) A girl, she 'gets around', bisexual, drinks, parties but still maintains good grades -

LMAO - NOW - I BET YOU PICKED COMMON NAMES FOR SOME AND OLDER TYPE - GRANDPARENT NAMES FOR OTHERS OF THESE INDIVIDUALS !!!! So interesting !!

The best answer :

1) Ryan Alexander

2) Ruby Renee

3) Emily Grace

4) Victoria May

5 & 6) Kai Jacob and Leah Mackenzie

7) Thomas Alfie

 8) Steve Nicholas

9) Indigo Faith

10) Ethan Samuel

11) Tracie Scarlett

see what I mean - its disgraceful !!!! And starts sooo young !!! =

There are so many different Stereotypes - and all because whenever we don't have a good understanding of a subject, say, of people or countries, then we tend to make assumptions about them some are good and some bad - as with all things - but for example :

Negative Stereotypes

Obviously the first one - All fat people overeat or don't excersise

Talking with an accent makes you Common or thick

Tattoos are for Sailors, Criminals and Sluts

All Gingers are lesser people

All blond women are dumb.

All red heads are sluts.

Christians are homophobic. They are blinded by God and will recruit you if you go near them. All politicians are philanders and think only of personal gain and benefit.

If I wear Goth clothing I'm a part of a rock band, depressed, or do drugs.

Girls are only concerned about physical appearance.

Guys are messy and unclean.

Men who spend too much time on the computer or read are geeks.

Men who are not into sports are termed as gay.

All librarians are women who are old, wear glasses, tie a high bun, and have a perpetual frown on their face.

Girls are not good at sports.

All teenagers are rebels.

All children don't enjoy healthy food.

Only anorexic women can become models.

Women who smoke and drink do not have morals.

Men who like pink are effeminate.

 

 

 

Positive Stereotypes

All Blacks are great basketball players.

All Asians are geniuses.

All Indians are deeply spiritual.

All Latinos dance well.

All Whites are successful.

Asians have high IQs. They are smarter than most in Math and Science. These people are more likely to succeed in school.

African Americans can dance.

All Canadians are exceptionally polite.

French are romantic.

All Asians know kung fu.

All African American men are well endowed.

Italians are good lovers. -

 

SEE - ITS SOOO TRUE - YOU READ THOSE EXAMPLES AND THOUGHT - YUP - !!

 

 

 

 

There are other types of Stereotype from Gender to Race - and every country has their own idea of stereotypical ideals = Its accepted that is is a way of over simplifying groups of people

 

 

BASICALLY - ( Otherwise this could go on and on ) There are other reasons why people look and sound and behave, dress differently !! - People should start to look outside the box - and ask themselves questions before judging .... and - if thinking - IS IT ANY OF OUR BUSINESS !!! ;) !! WOW - I FEEL LIKE I WENT BACK TO SCHOOL THEN FOR A MINUTE - NOT MY USUAL TYPE OF BLOG - AT ALL - AND SORRY FOR THE RANT - BUT - WELL - I NEEDED TO GET THAT OUT !!

ONLY PASS JUDGEMENT WHEN YOU ARE AWARE OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES !!!!!

 

"DUCKING" PEOPLE - WHY NOT BE NICE ?? MY TUESDAY WITH A BRAIN TUMOUR

"DUCKING"  PEOPLE - IN GENERAL - WHY NOT BE NICE ??

No this post is NOT about Ducks - so if you want a nice chat about quackers people duck off now - im being 'swear friendly' to those of you brought up by pussies ! - It has been documented - that if you swear - It brings down your ducking adrenaline hormone and releases - feel good - chemicals into your brain and stops you being angry - AND NOW THE DUCKING KITTEN HAS HAD ANOTHER SHIT - PROBABLY ABOUT THE 39th of the bloody day ................... GOING TO HAVE TO GO SCOOP THAT ASA THE SMELL IS UNBEARABLE - AND IF HE KEEPS TRYING TO COVER IT UP MAKING THAT DUCKING NOISE - I MAY HAVE TO DO SOMETHING I WILL REGRET

OHHHHHHHHHHHH FFS - IVE JUST SAT DOWN AND HAD A SLUG OF COFFEE AND FORGOT I HAVENT WASHED MY HANDS -

MEOWWWWW - OHHH DUCK OFF DEL - IVE FED YOU AND NOW - THIS IS ABOVE AND BEYOND...... Rodney looks on bemused - I definitely got their names the right way round - Rodney - bless him - is a little bit thick ...

GOT BACK FROM WASHING AFOREMENTIONED HANDS AND - WHOEVER TOLD ME THAT BY PUTTING TALCUM POWDER ON CAT LITTER AFTER IT HAS BEEN CLEANED IS A TWAT - WITH A DOUBLE CAPITAL T - THE CATS WENT BACK TO HAVE A LOOK - AS YOU DO - OHHH DONT GIVE ME THAT - YOU LOOKED DOWN THE LOO TO SEE IF IT HAS GONE - AND THEN WALKED OFF AND NOW THERE DUCKING TALC ALL OVER THE FRONT BLOODY ROOM ..............OHHH NOW - THE OTHER ONE IS GOING ...... THIS IS HOW MY DUCKING DAY IS GOING ...... I THINK YOU GET THE IDEA ....

ok - so - this post is NOT about cats - but my bloody day has gone from REALLY DUCKING SHITE to a nice cuppa coffee and a HUGE LAUGH at the WRONG TIME - back to DUCKING  BAD AGAIN - and ive been told to blog when im like this - and why ohhh why can I STILL SMELL SHIT ??

WOKE UP - and OMFG I have 2 of the BIGGEST AND MOST ANGRY SPOTS RIGHT ON THE BRIDGE OF MY NOSE - AND THREE ON MY CHIN AND ONE BY MY BLOODY EAR = They arrived overnight - even make up wont cover and they are oooooozing - OHHH SHUT UP YOU WOMAN ... Then I just realised - that I was in a REALLY REALLY BAD MOOD - not your - ohh bugger you type mood - but ohh no this is thr type of mood where I could easily have slammed the car into that ducking BMW rather than just bibbing the horn as mum drove ( I tend to do this a lot - as not enough people - esp those that I drive ith use their hooter enough - so I do it for them )  -  have been asked not to drive while on the tablets that I am - AND THEY CALM ME DOWN FFS !!! - anyways - a Beep of mums horn and a VERY VERY LOUD YOU DUCKING ( ok ok - Then  - I didn't say ducking ) TWAT ACCOMPANIED BY THE MIDDLE FINGER later and the nice man behind us who HAD been up mums backside ( Not literally ) had retreated to a much safer distance......  ALL TRUE

Anyway - woke up and tried to put make up on - which I gave up with - and went and sorted kids breakie and lunchboxes and CLEANED THE KITTEN CRAP for the very first time - Then went back to bed - SO SO ANGRY - No reason - Just the joys of having a Ducking Tumour in my head that NO BASTARD WILL HELP WITH ... I then decided it was a good move to RING Alan ( The EX Husband - still married - ?? - don't know why ) who now resides in the Log Cabin at the side of the Garden - I think he has ambitions to have an Owl fly to him and drop a letter from Hogwarts, ( We don't have an under the stairs Cupboard ) Just so he can escape the WRATH of meeeeeee ....
The Phonecall went something like " Your ducking children - You look after them - YOU ducking come in now you Ducking twat and Do the whole ducking lot -  Im NOT your Ducking skivvy and I don't curtail to your every demand, im going to phone social services when they open and tell them your a gambeller an a drunk ( He is neither ) and get them to rehome the kids - ( I think I went into RSPCA mode then ) ohhh and your a see you next Tuesday ! ! - ( and for those of you that know me - swearing isn't an everyday occurrence - ohh well - not every sentence anyway !! = Its not used all the time - except when im ill - then I CANT DUCKING STOP - Kids call me Tourettes mummy - and its not the normal swear words - its the worst kind you have heard ever - and I make them up too !!

From then I sent about three texts to him and my mum - all along the same lines - all saying he cant have his cake and eat it - ( Not that he does ) and he cant have MY MUM , DAD AND AUNT COME ROUND AND DO HIS FATHERLY DUTIES, so he can go out and have a lovely time - ( Also for the record - I HAVNT BEEN OUT AT NIGHT FOR THE LAST DUCKING 10 YEARS, AND HAVNT HAD A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP FOR CHRIST KNOWS HOW LONG, WELL OVER A YEAR - and as it is I have ONLY ever slept with this man - and NEVER had any other experiences with anyone else - and this guy led me to believe that he loved me and we were to be together - FOREVER - so - I married him -- ok ok - we have been together 20 years - and we were BEST FRIENDS - and did everything together - but now - he has taken EVERYTHING off me - and wont even talk - unless HE IS IN THE RIGHT MOOD AND IS NOT BUSY - - LIKE IM GOING TO EVER GET ANYONE TO LOVE ME and want to be with me  NOW  I HAVE A DUCKING TUMOUR IN MY HEAD - AND AM OVER 20 STONE - ( even tho I am shexxxxy with it ;) !!  ) - ALL THE TIME HE GOES OUT AND LIVES IT UP, and has a wonderful time -  MY FAMILY ARE LETS SAY OVER 50 ** COUGH COUGH ** Im being nice - as they may read this !! = and the kids AND I ARE VERY DEMANDING !!  He CANT keep telling me im having a lovely time - when im having a SHIT TIME - AND HATE MY DUCKING LIFE ! - ( again not true - but at the time it was 100% true ) I love Blogging, and Google+ and Twitter and Facebook - But - I cant do very much else as pain or concentration or memory etc etc stops me ... OHHH BOLLOX - I CANT REMEMBER WHAT I WAS SAYING NOW ! Anyway he took Cassia to school - who did come in a kiss me - and said she loved me etc etc - ( While Poor Tom who is so so angry with me for being ill wouldn't come near me ) ANYWAYS - Mum then turned up ... at 8.30am = and for anyone that knows my mother - they know it takes her ages to get ready and get every piece of hair in exactly the right spot - make up on etc etc - so - omg - she must have gone some - THATS HIS DUCKING FAULT AS WELL - MAKING MY MOTHER COME HERE AS SHE WAS SO WORRIED - FFS - AL  HE NEEDED TO DO WAS TALK TO ME AND I CALM RIGHT DOWN - BUT HE DOESNT WANT THAT DUCKING RESPONSIBILITY ........... Nice for some - I don't want the FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY OF TELLING MY KIDS I DONT WANT THEM WHEN IM ILL AND BEING NASTY TO EVERYONE - BUT I DONT HAVE A DUCKING CHOICE .........

Anyways Mum calms me down - ( the 4 Diazepam also help a bit ) and eventually we go out - ended up at M&S - which is actually where we usually end up - and had a coffee and TeaCake - as you do - lovely - had a nice chat - then - as we walked round got some Burger Buns to tonights dinner and went to pay - BUT THEN - OMG - looked towards the doorway and there is a line up of about ohhhhhh 10 M&S staff - all lined up in a line - ohh generally that's what a line up is - and looking very dour - MOST ODD - I turned to mum and said something - and she said - ohhh there must be a shop lifter -  then turned and went to walk out - and got a fit of the giggles as I said Thank you to one of these solumn looking people - who glared at me -

I then proceeded to thank almost every member of staff lined up - all through a fit of the giggles - Mum behind me was doing the same - we got out to the car park absolutely fell about and then said hello to a Yorkie - The dog not the chocolate Bar - ( THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN DAFT ) and the guy who was with it - we then walked to mums car - and just as we got there I realised we had interrupted the minutes silence for the victims of the 7/11 London Bombings - OK OK - NOT FUNNY - but - that was it - I was now in complete and utter hysterics - We has gone along the line - Thanking People who were in rememberance of dead people - for the burger baps we had bought - OK OK - IM SORRY - IM WARPED -

WE THEN DROVE HOME - and I was jumping at everything - and mum just said look out your mirror - Id already sussed it - But couldn't keep it quiet any longer and said - I WOULD IF THE BLOODY THING WAS NOT PUSHED IN !! - Mum has a thing where she WONT USE HER BLOODY WING MIRRORS !! = and I find it utterly hysterical to see how far she gets until she notices - well - last time it was all the way home - and then I told her- but this time it was about 10 miles ! = so better !! That was it - I was then in hysterics again ....... Then In tears as HE walked out of the front door - WHAT THE DUCKING HELL IS HE DOING THERE - WHAT HAS HE BEEN DOING IN MY HOUSE - AND WHY ?? OHHHHHHHHH SHIT HITTING FAN ALL OVER AGAIN - Mum came in with me - as he had sandwiches and a load of paper in his hands and said TO MUM that he was going to Canterbury - and went - ohhh wel - I came in - popping pills as I went - and

Came IN and the smell hit us - THE KITTENS - ohhh you'll have to take my word for it - I cant keep going into detail about how many times I clean them out in a day - and decide - 1 cat is enough to handle - 2 shit for England ...... The poor dog wouldn't even come in to greet us the smell was that bad and she stayed at the back doo - back door open - as her eyes would smart and start watering if she came any closer - Mum love her = cleaned the cats AFTER I had scooped the poop -- as the smell was that bad -

We had a chat - then she went - breathing a sigh of relef as she went through the door - as she had been on the phone to Alan after I decided I couldn't cope with him any more and needed this all sorted - but - he was in car - on an important and VERY VERY secret mission that probably only MI5 will know about .... Actually that's what it is - he has Joined MI5 and that's why he CANT talk to me any more - as I am terrible and cant keep a secret - THATS IT - JACKPOT .... He isn't being nasty and antagonistic, unsympathetic, Hostile, Unfriendly and Triggering me at every chance - HE IS A BLOODY SPY ......

Anyway - I had a coffee - and went to bed - woke up 3 hours later - mum and dad and kids due in a minute, they have ALL HAD TO GO TO DADS DOCTORS MEETING ABOUT HIS PARKINSONS - BECUASE THE EX IS IN CANTERBURY - DOING SPY STUFF - but wanted to get this on - well - not on paper - on  - ermmmmmm screen hasn't the same meaning - on - thoughts on ..... written down - that will do - and I have accomplished that YAYYYYY !!! = Now I need Diazepam as my head is killing me and my Spots are oooooozing = and OMG THAT SMELL AGAIN ........


and for those of you who have read it this far - a little surprise :

PITUITARY BRAIN TUMOUR - PTSD - SO MUCH TO TELL - THIS IS ME !

PITUITARY BRAIN TUMOUR - PTSD - SO MUCH TO TELL - THIS IS ME !

omg - i havnt done a blog for ages - BEST DO ONE !!

OMG - Ive just seen my last blog was the one about where I caught a 'Storm' on film - and im not talking of the slap thunder and lightening kind ( I think the slap bit came into that as thunder and lightening sounds like a slap - a slap of thunder - ohhh no - silly cow - its a clap of thunder - lmao - )  - im talking of the Pituitary Brain Tumour Kind !!

Anyways - since that 'episode' - I have been better - and when I say better I mean - just one or two 'storms' a day - either funny ones - or psycho ones - or suicdal ones or angry ones - BUT everyone has escaped unscathed !! so ALL GOOD !! ....

I have been making Videos for YouTube daily and keeping watch on followers and subscribers on there and Google+ = OMG I have over 75thousand hits now on Google+ = ITS MADNESS I TELL YOU - MADNESS !! = Ohhh I now wanna sing - That funny farm song - They have come to take me away haha !! = you know the one !! - pmsl - ok ok - I wont !!

My God - all I seem to have done this day is womble = warble = WAFFLE - That's it - God - I had Sofie come round for a coffee - it was our first coffee together- ( NO - DONT BE RUDE SHE ISNT MY SOCIAL WORKER ! ) She is a girl from school ( Cassias school ) that I have known for years and just never got round to having coffee with and OMG she is LOVELY = SO like me - IN A GOOD WAY !! - Not in a Mad and Odd and hehehehehhahahahaha way !! She is really rather normal - although she would have you believe that she is 'odd' like me - but she really isn't - solar panels for indoor Fairy lights - TOTALLY GET IT - WE NEED TO PATENT THAT ....

Then Tommorrow I have a meeting with Alan - and Mum and Alans Mum Sue - as Ohhhhhhhhh You lot don't know - Alan has moved into the Log Cabin - Yes - the guy that said he would never ever desert me and would always be there for me - and would always be my friend - NOW thinks he is my care worker - ohhhh actually he doesn't even think that - he is JUST here for the kids

- and to get my Diazepam !!! UNLESS he is in a particularly good mood when he will actually sit and chat - for a bit - or we may take kids into town - IF ITS ON MY TIME - So tomorrow mum is round - she has had to pick up the slack, as Alan has said he will ONLY do half - and I have to do the other half - Well - BECAUSE I HAVE A FUCKING PITUITARY BRAIN TUMOUR AND A ENLARGED PITUITARY GLAND AND A DODGY AMGYDULA GLAND CAUSING PTSD - I cant -

Because I have storms which causes me to lose control - totally - so- I cant be left on my own with the kids - as Tom argues with me - and Cassia winds me up - and if I am argued with - or wound up - I LOOSE IT BIG TIME - AND HAVE NO CONTROL !!! - So - Meeting tomorrow to see ..... ermmmmm what else mum can do to take it off Alan - FFS - I wont say anymore on this matter as it is making me to angry - Mum is FANTASTIC and doing everything she can - but coping with my dad who has Parkinsons and trying to have a life too - wel - having a daughter taking up time - ALOT OF TIME - is a ain in the arse - NOT THAT SHE EVER EVER SAYS THAT ....

Ohhhh One of the reasons Alan is STIL outside - is because I got two kittens - He is allergic to them - as am I - but I can man up and he cant - and he hasn't been bought up with animals and will take them or leave them - I will always TAKE THEM !!!- ANIMALS ARE MY LIFE - DelBoy and Rodney are now 9 weeks old and they are adorable bundles of fluff - Even Casia today said - " Your so much better since getting the cuties mum " - YES - I AM - CAUSE ITS PROVEN THAT ANIMALS RELEAVE STRESS !! - I hated only having PeggatyPawz -

 EVEN THO SHE IS THE GREATEST DOG ON THE PLANET - but - now with the furries too - it seems more complete - Alan has decided he will get a mobile home and put it in the garden to save money etc etc - so - we shall see ..... This is DelBoy and Rodney  ( Rod is the grey and white !! )

Erm - what else - I had my Opthalmic Appt last Friday - and my vision is shot again - the guy tried to get me a bed - but was told that there are no beds available for non emergency - even he was a tad gob smacked - as he said my eye sight had actually deteriotated quite a bit now with black spots in the middle - A&E wouldn't admit me - as not an emergency and Neurosurgery and the ophthalmic suite didn't have beds - he was trying to admit me to get an MRI done immediately - as - as an Inpatient I would be taken straight down - but as an outpatient - I wouldn't be seen until the neuro surgeon had refered me - and I cant get an apt with him as he says it is psychiatric - even tho the psychiatrist says ITS NOT !!! - arse and elbow spring to mind !!
Anyways = Smiles and onwards and upwards !! ( Had to get DT in here somewhere !!! )

I stormed while doing and asda shop online the other day - and I think I will end on my facebook post = as I have been told its very funny = let me know what you think in comments - and if you like - please share !! many thanks !!

Abigail Barry

23 hrs ·

OK OK - ITS WHAT YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR - MY ASDA DELIVERY !! - IIIIIIIIIIIITS HERE !! ( Please remember I ordered this little lot when I was storming !!!! - 11 crates worth !!! I WAS ILL OK !!! )  Must have been hungry at the time too !!

LOADS OF FRUIT, VEG, POTATOES, AND SALAD - all of which I had plenty of anyway - well - enough to last me all of next week !!
...

3 x Dishwasher Tablets at £14.99 each - ( I asked him to take these back - the reason why Madam - Yeah - I don't have a dishwasher !! )

4 x Washing Up liquid !! - Ok Ok - Take back Please - Why madam ? - Its the wrong colour - My kitchen is red and these are green ! ..

3 x 18 3 in one Ariel Frebreeze washing powders - Asked to take 2 x back - Why Madam - Because I don't need three lots !

2 x Kitten food - Not the correct one - but I already have 5 lots of 12 here anyway !! - But - they'll eat it !!

2 x Pampers Nappies - Please take these back - Why Madam - ? - I don't have a baby

OK - WAS GETTING VERY EMBARRASING AND REALLY NOT FUNNY NOW ........................................... THEN

DVD - 50 SHADES OF GREY !! ...................... You want to send this back Madam - ?? - Ohhhhh NO !! - I'll keep that - I don't remember ordering it - but its DEFINATELY AN OMEN !! - KEEPING THAT !!! PMSL - Now both myself and the ASDA MAN WERE IN HYSTERICS !!! I said its ok - im over 18 - and he laughed - I just looked at him and said WHATS SO BLOODY FUNNY !! ??? CHEEK !!

48 YOGURTS = ALL INDIVIDUAL - TAKE EM BACK - I DONT WANT THEM - FFS - Ohhh no - it's ok - I'll keep the multipack Toffee ones !!

AND LASTLY I NOW HAVE 4 BAGS OF SAVERS PEAS AND 4 BAGS OF SAVERS SWEETCORN IN MY FREEZER .... Mmmmm - Thank god we all like these !!

ok - I will leave all that for you to digest - ohhhhh and if you want a Digestive and don't mind Asda Own - I HAVE 6 PACKETS !!

THATS IT FOR TODAY GUYS - HOPE THAT ENTERTAINED - AND THANKS SOPHIE FOR KICKING MY BUTT INTO DOING IT AGAIN !!!