I'm FAT = WHEW WHEW - YEAH - AND ? My 'BEING FAT' STORY !

FATNESS IS NOT THE SAME FOR EVERYONE
THERE MAY BE MORE TOO IT - THAN MEETS THE EYE !!

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK !

LMAO - OMG - I have just had another person ( who i opened my OWN front door too ) Turn round and say - " Wow - your HUGE " - Now - Considering i was in my own house - and he was knocking on my door ( To TRY to sell me a new Porch - well - not new porch- as i don't have one - but - to TRY to sell me a porch - I Don't feel this was the BEST opening line he could have thought of - and being fair - OK - I must have shocked him - as yes - I AM FAT - AND I AM VERY BRIGHTLY COLORED - AND YOU KNOW WHAT - I COULDN'T CARE LESS !!

Lots of people have asked HOW i am so confident and WHY i do what i do ( Bring attention to myself and wear clothes that i do etc ) and Why I don't do something about it !! - lots of laughing - OK - Let me start at the beginning !!



Ever since i was young - my weight has flatuated oh no - word doesn't like that - OH - OK - Fluctuated - THAT's BETTER ! - Thought Flat was a funny term to be used for Weight Movements !! Oh Weight Movement = It's not called that either - but - i'm guessing you know what i mean !! Up, down, up, down, and mum even took me to the doctor as she was SURE i had a Thyroid problem - BUT - the doctor was a Jackass and WITHOUT even testing - told her that I ate too much and i should diet and exercise at 9 years old - Well - I HONESTLY can say - at that point - I DID NOT EAT TO EXCESS - AND I WAS ALWAYS ACTIVE - But - OK - Must be doing something = So mum started the Healthy Eating Routine- and i went to a Dietitian - a lady who tried to tell me about getting out more - and playing games in the street and eating a better diet - Mm - I started to get a little exacerbated at this - as - I was out all the time playing - and - MY DIET WAS GOOD !!
So - This is when i kinda went a bit haywire for a while - well - if people tell you that you are eating - IN MY MIND - that's what i'm going to do - So I started Comfort Eating - I'd buy things from the store on the way to school - I'd never eat in front of people - as i was far too self conscious - So - I sat in my room - and ATE - and ate - and ate - ( hiding papers and wrappers anywhere i could find - Mum and dad now very very worried - and knew i was comfort eating - but - i pretended i wasn't ) OK - NOW I WAS FAT !!! ...... BUT - thing that was different - I had brought that on myself = So - I HATED MYSELF - No point going to the Doctor - they would tell me to diet - and - at this point - that's what i should have done - This carried on all through school - I felt very picked on at school - apart from a few VERY GOOD and close totally understanding friends - whom i still have to this day. - Through my School Years and Early Working Life - I yo-yo'ed = BUT - even when i wasn't eating to excess - I was STILL putting on weight ...

I then started work - and this is when i decided enough was enough - and no word of a lie - I drank one slim-fast shake made with Skimmed milk and water for Breakfast and One for dinner - THAT WAS IT - Everything else Mum bought - I threw - and EVENTUALLY - I lost most of the weight - and got down to about 11 stone - which - for me - I was happy. But - It was quite a slow process - and - for most people to have that - and be VERY VERY active - The weight should have dramatically come off - It didn't - But - I got there ......

Then I met my First Boyfriend - Alan - married him - and Two years later - Had Tom !! Weight then started going back on - I had to eat !! ... But - Due to a terrible birth - I was given about 12 Epidurals - and they didn't work - UNTIL LATER - Then i was in bed for months - Awful excrutiating pain - and headaches and i basically couldn't walk - So - I ate - and ate and ate - all the wrong things - and  got FAT again !! ...... Then - For a few months - it was superb - all great at home - and no pain and i was able to do everything = So - I went back to work - and Alan stayed with Tom - I lost a lot of weight again on the Slim Fast Diet !! But - That was fine = I was starving = But - it was worth it - SO I THOUGHT ...... Then we decided to have Cassia - and once again - I fell Pregnant easily - and OMG - The weight just went on - I was doing nothing - and it just kept going up and up - at one point i was eating nothing but fruit - and i was still putting on 7lb a week - Of course NO-ONE believed that i was secretly eating again - and i could not blame them = BUT - I KNEW I WAS NOT !!! ..... Anyways - I had Cassia = and a few weeks later was in a Myexdema Coma - A Rare and Life-Threatening Clinical condition that is entirely due to undiagnosed LONG TERM hypothyroidism  - ( Yeah - THAT DRASTIC - and yup - I am the person that DIDN'T have Thyroid issues )- according to my GP at the time  - BUT - was later Diagnosed as a Surgery First - The NEW GP said that my levels had come back so far off scale that i needed URGENT Hospital attention - But - by this point - I was actually unable to move or communicate - and the EX had rung an ambulance ! - Anyways - a drip of Thyroid and i was good as new - well - OK - exaggeration = But - I was OK........

OK - so - I thought this is where all my troubles would finish - I have been diagnosed with Hypothyroidism = Weight should come off now as my metabolism is now working ( due to medication - that i have to be on for the rest of my life - and if i fail to take it - i'll die !!!! * says with a smile ! * YOUR NOT ILL - LOSE WEIGHT- DO SOME EXERCISE - TAKE THAT YOU BASTARD ! Not that i hold a grudge !  )

Anyway - I thought all was good now - BUT - OMG - I started putting weight back on - lots of it - and - nothing i could do - ( Oh gotta remember this is a overview - lol !! NOT a life History ! ) OK - So - Found out that was just one contributing factor to my weight - I then had the GP tell me that due to LOTS of other symptoms - she was sure i had a Pituitary Tumor - Just behind the eyes - and where as the Thyroid Gland runs the metabolism - The Pituitary Gland - called the Master Gland - Runs, basically, EVERYTHING ELSE !!! - BUT - this could take a while to Diagnose - So - I have to keep going for MRI's, and Blood Tests etc - Well - OK - EVENTUALLY ( and Thank God my GP at this point was so fabulous ) 7 years later - The MRI picked up a Pituitary Tumor - THIS IS THE REASON I CAN'T LOSE WEIGHT !!!! - My body basically thinks it is in Famine Mode - and Stores EVERYTHING that i eat or drink !! - So - Now I KNOW it is NOT me - and nothing i can do - I eat and drink - what i want ( Which actually and 100% honestly is NOT A LOT ! ) when i want, and if someone says something - I can't let it bother me !! So instead of dwelling on the HUGENESS of my Ass - I embrace it - Laugh - OK - Not literally - and go with it - I dress how i want - even if it goes against what people tell me - I wear my hair how I LIKE, the color i wish - and OK - I may be making a statement - but - surely - IT'S BETTER TO BE HAPPY AND FAT - THEN MISERABLE AND FAT !! Due to my illness ( which makes THE HULK look like Mary Poppins )  I am a miserable Suicidal Paranoid mare a lot of the time - so - When I am 'me' I like to laugh and joke and be funny and smile and help others smile - and OK, a lot of people think I am very childish, and not responsible etc etc- BUT - In fact - I am just doing what EVERYONE ELSE WISHES THEY COULD DO - I am enjoying being me - and loving who I am AND TRYING TO HELP PEOPLE DO THE SAME !! If that's a bad thing - SHOOT ME !!

So - Oh My God - I have gone off what i actually wanted to chat about - But - I guess you needed the background - and for me - who can talk and talk / write about themselves A LOT - this is short = so - thank me later !!  - OK - Oh - I've just read the title - and Mm - Yes - I've answered the question - But - It's NOT the question i wanted to answer - which - Oh My God - That's ANOTHER Question !! More of a HOW I AM POSITIVE AND WHAT I DO TO STAY POSITIVE !! - So - I am going to write that blog - as a follow up to this one i think !! Because - By Now - I'm guessing YOU NEED A COFFEE !!

Ohhh Yes - Mr Porch Man - That's why i went into this - When i get comment's like his - Come on - KEEP UP !! - Remember the Guy at aforementioned Front Door said " Oh Your HUGE ", I always felt it compulsory to tell them why ...... and Now - well - Today - I just turned to him - Looked him in the eye and said with a great big smile  " YEAH - LONG STORY - I AM FAT = AND I'M BLOODY LOVELY !! " - Then I laughed and I felt GOOD !!
He looked at me, smiled and said " Yeah Sexy too " = and winked, we both just started laughing = HOW GOOD WAS THAT !!! - If I had been negative to him - Then - I am almost certain he would have been negative right back at me !! = But - Because I have a 'devil can't care' attitude = then so did he !! Poor Bloke still didn't get a sale - But - We had a laugh and he smiled because of something I said - and he now will think differently before talking to Fat people again = I HOPE - So = Such a good day !!

( Number two of this story will be published asap - maybe today - maybe tomorrow - BUT SOON ! )

IT WAS GOING SO VERY WELL - THEN Boom ! Pituitary kicked in AGAIN

Had such a lovely day yesterday, Got kids up - everything sorted - all laughs and smiles and omg looking wonderful - then asked EX if he would take me out - OMG - NOTHING WOULD BE NICER - So we went to Margate ( I know - someone has too - But - Westwood is lovely ) had a great Sing Song on the way - A real Car pool Type with myself and Alan belting out a good few numbers - really took us both back to the old days ! - was singing a mix of Les Mis - Olly Murs and just stuff on the Radio - "Dock of the Bay" being a special fav ! !! - Then Costa Coffee - ( Don't be lulled into a false sense of security here - This post IS NOT GOING TO CARRY ON ON THESE POSITIVE LINES ! ) THEN found a Wax Melt burner - one that gets plugged in - so i can't forget it and set light to the entire house - for the BARGIN price of £4.25 inc the melts - in Wilco - WHATA ******* BARGIN ! ' AV THAT !! - ( yes - started to go Catherine Tate's Nan by this point ! ) Then - went to Boots - well - that's when it decended into chaos ! I wanted to have a peruse and just take my time - Boots is one of my Favouritist shops ! - I love to look at the Hair colour ( ANOTHER SHOP THAT DOES NOT STOCK MY COLOUR AT A DECENT PRICE ! ) and smell the perfumes and look at all the make up - well - i'd done most of this - MOST of the time with the EX beside me - ( he had left for a short short minutes to get some Razors for himself ) but then - he was NEXT TO ME
- I kept telling him all was fine and i was just looking -

and well - MEN - he had no idea -
"Why do you want Green Mascara - "
It's NOT Green - that's just the lid - this is blackest black " = "
" mmmm - Why can't you just get Black "
ME - " - Because in this Range Blackest Black is just that - it's JET black - But - I don't actually want or need any - i'm just looking "
OHHHHHHH  - Stands closer
A woman stands to my right and is OBVIOUSLY wanting to look at the EXACT same thing that i am - ( Remember - this is Boots - and there MUST be 12 stands of different makeup - all - AT LEAST 9 FOOT LONG - ) and she wants - what i am looking at ...... OK - NOW i'm getting JUST A LITTLE ANNOYED ......

Clowns to left of me, jokers to the right, Here I am, stuck in the middle with you. Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you, And I'm wondering what it is I should do ....... 

OK - With a rather loud HUFFFFF and a quick glance, I move away - and go to the Lipstick - OHHHHHHHHH PURFUME - go spray some of that all over me - as it's expensive !! - Lovely - Yes - I like that smell - Jimmy Choo - Illicit - Tantilising, Tempting, Teasing and ALLURING - OMG = I AM THAT PERSON - But - for £56 - I'm so NOT that person - and just will have to make do with spraying it ;) - EVERYWHERE !! - 
Alan coughs, and coughs
FFS ( For those that arnt up on text speak - FOR FUCK SAKE  that means ! )
OK - Back to the Lipstick - I do love a good lipstick - well - I have a look at three - and - well - by this time the CONSTANT left to right manouvere on the feet of said EX is DRIVING ME INSAIN and so i put the Lippy back and say ok - lets go -
He looks at me
" Did you put that Lipstick Back ? " 
I GLARE at him - " - Did i put it back ? = What did you think i was going to do - FUCKING PUT IT IN MY POCKET AND NICK IT ? - OF COURSE I PUT IT BACK ...... "
Well - then i erupted - " - So - Is THAT why you have stuck to me like Glue - You think I'm going round Boots Nicking stuff ..... FFS I spent loads last month on make up DO YOU THINK ID HAVE NO MONEY IF I COULD COME IN THERE AND SIMPLY PINCH IT .... FFS - BLAR BLAR "
He walked off to pay with me Shouting after him !!!
As he came back over to me - People obviously finding all this VERY AMUSING - 
I stood inbetween the alarm barriers and VERY LOUDLY EXCLAIMED TO THE ENTIRE SHOP - that if I HAD nicked something - that the alarm would go off - AND 'HARK' ( yes i'm afraid i did use this term ) THEY DID NOT - SO - I COULDNT POSSIBLY HAVE NICKED ANYTHING .....  I carried on walking - BUT - Ohhh I didnt stop there !! - I carried on and on and on - 
Started walking back to the car - NOT HAPPY

" I thought you wanted to go to Superdrug and Poundland " - Alan exclaims -
" - OHHH - SO I CAN NICK STUFF FROM THERE TOO - No - I'm going NO-WHERE with you if you think i'm THAT sort of person = ffs ffs ffs ffs ffs - I'M GOING TO THE CAR - OPEN IT - YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT .... TWAT "
( I think that if i was going to nick anything at all - i'd be a high class thief and nick the better items and NOT the £3.99 range from Bloody Boots Own !  FURIOUS WAS NOT THE WORD ) 
The entire time Alan was trying to tell me i had the wrong end of the stick .......
I carried on, and on, and on, 
EVENTUALLY - Alan was able to get in what he DID MEAN - " - As he was going to the till - Had i put the Lipstick back? - OR DID I LIKE IT AND WANT HIM TO PAY FOR IT ! ... " - 
OPPSY !!
OK - I was happy now - Yup - Almost Instantaneously !! ( Maybe you can imagine being Alan - and have a RABID dog at your Throat - and then a Magical Playful Unicorn wanting to do stuff ! - That's me ! ) 
So - we went and spent a whole £15 at Poundland - Ohhh and Don't get me started on the whole Pound thing - If it's Poundland - EVERYTHING should be a POUND ......... Not £4.99 - WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT ............ and then yes yes- i'm one of those people who like to ask - " How much is this " = and then PMSL !! Almost literally - as my pelvic floor is not what it used to be ! ( Actually - it's always been shite ! - But - thats NOT for you to worry about ! ) 

Then we went to Wilco ( NOT WILKINSON ANYMORE - Who knows why ! ) - and this is where i found my Wax Melt Burner - at the Bargin price -  Which i Have on - in the hallway - AND I CAN ONLY BLOODY SMELL IT ALL THE WAY IN HERE - I'm In the Sitting Room ! - NOW THAT'S GOOD !!! 

OK - so - Back to the car now - Had a nice time - Was silent on the way home - But - Just cause i was tired !! - Home - and YAWWWWWWN - WOW - sleep needed - so i went to bed, Derek and Rodney joined me - and that was it - head hit the pillow - and 5 hours later - i woke - to the kids sitting on the bed - Not to say hello to me - But to say hello to the cats !! - who were still there !! Anyways - all good ...... Came downstairs ..... Dinner - Bit of Computer stuff, erm - OHHHHHHHHHHH THE IT WENT TITS UP AGAIN ... I got off the computer - make a coffee - was having a laugh ( Hysterically laughing at a Piece of writing my 13 year old had done for his Scount badge - and he - being very humourous had inc a few jokes about his time that he had away - and - me being me - was beside myself with laughter ! ) anyways - then we sat down and were trying to come up with a plan of action re - TELEVISION watching - and then when it all began ..........

Cassia started to Bite her feet !! = Mmmmm - Both my kids have a habit of doing this - and - actually - if truth be told - it doesnt bother myself or the EX- It does bother my Mother and Father ( MOTHER mainly ! ) who goes into full scale riot attack mode if either of the kids do this in front of her ( which is such a fabulous game now = that they both do - on regular occurance - BUT This always ends up with me 'storming' and ending up - upstairs - on my own - in a quiet dark room - YUP - TRUTH )  - and - OK - I guess that is fair enough that it's not PLESENT - So - When i saw Cass doing this - I asked her to stop - She proceeded to tell me about a little piece of skin - so - i gave her a pair of toe nail clippers - and get rid of it- 10 minutes later she was still biting her foot - I had kept telling her not too ...
Alan ( The EX remember ) said - as it was 'His night' with the kids - and NOT mine - or mums - ( Considering I can't actually have a "night" - as I get set off so often ) HE MAKES THE DECISIONS and If Cassia wanted to hurt herself - then - FINE - let her - 
OMFG = ( You must be understanding of that ! ) NO - Because - if she can do it now - she will do it with mum - and that's gonna decend into chaos ........ 
WELL - ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE AROUND ABOUT NOW =

I have no say over my own children, because If i get ill - they arnt sure who to listen to - and so - they always listen to everyone else apart from me ! Well - As thats the case - WHATS THE FUCKING POINT OF ME BEING HERE - I AM DEFINATELY NOBODY'S CLEANER / CHEF ( ! - Even i'm laughing at that = use this term very very loosely ) AND I'M NO DOORMAT AND GOING TO SIT THERE TAKING IT - so - UP I get - Coat on - Just a short Jacket - Over my Pyjama's = Shoes - and - Ohhhh - Fuck it - You keep the bag - it has all my money in it - and i don't need that = Grab Phone - and out the front door .............

Now - remember - it HURTS if i do anything - so - walking AT SPEED - in the mood i was - with my pyjama legs around my knees by now, as they had ridden up - clutching my Phone - GOD KNOWS WHY - as i knew Mum was at the Theatre and i didnt want to ring her there - AGAIN - So - I walked - I was going to jump off the bridge - Yup - That bad again - It all escalated so quickly and - thats it - No other option - well - I have two options

(1) Stay Put - with the EX and the Kids in the house, Unable to get out alone - unable to drive - unable to do anything without asking for help, Unable to do the kids, having no say in what they are doing or well - anything - Unable to be left alone with them for fear of a RAGE storm - and then whe they are not there - I'm waiting for the EX to come in - to disturb me doing what i want - ( ie Youtube videos etc ) comeing into the front room - so i stop doing what im doing and sit down- as i do deem it rude to carry on - on the computer - if he comes into the room - So - I sit and wait - and he then talks - BUT - I DON'T WANT TO TALK - and he thinks I do ! = IT'S ALL TIT UP AGAIN = either that - or I go upstairs and sit in my room, on Laptop - or phone - all because i 'get in the way' - or feel i do... then i start thinking " - I shouldnt be shoved in my bedroom - i'm an Adult - I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE - I want to be with my kids - having fun with them ..... BUT - I can't do that ........ so .....

(2) - I get a flat of my own - BUT - this is where my Black or white attitude comes in - If I do this - I dont want to see the kids - NOT BECAUSE I DON'T LOVE THEM OR ANYTHING - quite the opposite - Because it would be far far far harder to have them come in for an hour and then go again - I am not - and have NEVER wanted to be a part time mum - I wouldnt have got married if i knew that was going to happen,  i WANT TO BE WITH MY KIDS .

So - Thats not an option - so - Only other option - TOP MYSELF - That's a far better solution for what i have at the minute ......

Go out with mum Mon and Weds and my Aunt every other Tuesday - THAT'S IT - Unless the EX decides that he has time - and can take me out .....

So - Out the door i went - up the road - walking - arms swinging - totally in control - but - very ANGRY - Not at the EX- It's NOT his fault - But at the illness and what it has done to me - 
Then the ex drives up to me - I carry on walking - well - stumbling at this point - as head had kinda had enough 
" Abby - get in - We can sort this " ( Remember this is about the 10th time he has done this now ) 
I carry on striding out - Ohhh Just fuck off - tell the kids you cant find me - Just go back to them
I then go over everything - AGAIN - and he listens and try's to appease - But - Well - I can't have any of it- THEY ARE MY KIDS - I WANT INPUT - 
" I give you as much input as i can - we all want you here and we want to do things with you - but - you are unable - for whatever reason - to do them "
Over and over and over - I turn and head for the Thanet Way ( Motorway ) I'll walk in front of a car - Alan turns car around and follows - Eventually i get in the car and we talk - and then when i have calmed - he turns car again - and we go back to the house - I HATE IT - i DON'T WANT TO GO TO MY FUCKING BEDROOM - I'M not a child = But - I have no other option ..... So - Grab the Laptop = and up i go ..... FUCKING RIDICULAS - 
6 x Diazepam Downed
Tom ( 13 year old son ) comes in holding Derek and says good night - Gives me Derek to kiss good night too ! .... Walks out 
Cassia comes Up - Crying - Ohhhh - I can't be bothered - I ignore it and sit there
Tom shouts shut up !
Rodney Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr's at the door wanting to come into my bedroom

Alan comes up - and i strain to listen - Cassia starts going on about being Bullied at school - and ohhh all sorts - I Honestly think this is avoidance tactics because she KNOWS i was in the right - and it does wind mum up and she should have stopped .... 
Anyways - then Alan calms her down and he goes downstairs - 10 minutes later Cassia comes in and says goodnight - very sheepishly - I return the Goodnight and sleep well... She goes into her bedroom - and lets out the biggest amount of gas you have ever heard - I say - " Corr that feels better " - and she laughs and says " Ohhh by ek it does " - laughs and all is fine ......

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr from Rodney again ........


Look at my phone - message from mum - she will come saturday to pick me and kids up ( as she does have them mon/tues/sat - To give ex a break - FROM ME ) and she has decided to take us to The Wallflower Cafe for Lunch as it has been newly decorated - LOVELY - All except - I had told her that Dawn ( My BFF ) is coming with her daughter Jade for Lunch - and she didnt need to be here till 1am - SO NOW I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING USER AND I FEEL JUST TERRIBLE - I WANT TO CHAT WITH DAWN AND JADE - But - I don't want my mother - OR THE FUCKING EX AS A MATTER OF FACT there while i SEE MY FRIENDS !! = But it is her day - and she has given up every sat - and mon/weds JUST TO HELP - so thats it - WHAT AN UNGRATEFUL BITCH I AM - whats the fucking point i can't live a normal life - and when i try - i get treated like care in the community - EX says he has to be here til mum gets here - even though Dawn is here - AND SHE IS HIS FRIEND TOO ( Where she is his 'friend' But i have known her 22 years and txt her daily and been though loads with her - WHERE AS HE HAS'NT = OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH - I CAN'T WIN

I watch HOUSE That i was bought as a gift by a good friend - ( Well - 3 x series turned up in the post ! - all a surprise - BUT - i'm now on the 4th episode and yes - I LOVE IT !! ) so watched that - and then went on my phone to do a few bits - then i fell asleep - 1am - 
3am - Cassia staring at me - " Derek woke me up ! " - Ohhh ignore him and sleep well now -
I turn and cass has snuck in bed - " - OMG - THAT WAS STELTH LIKE "
" Ohh yes she said - Good night " - and that was it  - she was asleep !! 
RODNEY jumps on me - sits on my stomach staring at me - and then kisses my nose - OMG - I Can't resist and so give him a cuddle - and then the purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring starts, Look at the clock - 4am - OHH FFS ........
ALARM WAKES ME AT 7am - into bathroom - wash - brush teeth and hair = change into clean onesie = downstairs - Ohhh trip = Can't walk straight = 

feed cats
let dog out
coffee on
FFS - WASHING AND A MESS IN SINK ( I usually / ALWAYS do this before bed ) THATS IT - I'M OFF AGAIN - crying ......
Tom comes down - says something and then brings Rodney to me to kiss !!! - I can't speak by this point - nothing i am saying makes sence to me - let alone to anyone else - and thats when i start calling the cats odd names - Bender - Brenda - Ralf - Robert - Ohh it's ridiculas - my brain just does not work - Then i try to wash up - and it physically hurts to use my arms - que- PEGGATY BARKING - well - one bark - she hates to be left outside !!
i walk into the table - no co-ordination
fall over cats who have decided they want feeding AGAIN
Let dog in
Feed cats again = I'm a soft touch
Make coffee
Sit in front room - AND I'M OPENING THE FUCKING CURTAINS WETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT  ( EX has a thing about the curtains being open - I couldn't careless if people see in - where as he does ) 
Tom goes to school - Cass eventually gets up - after ex tells her she should NOT be getting into bed with me - I just sit , and sit 
He takes Cassia to school - I hoover- Put on the new wax melt burner - wash up - and - ohhhh start this blog - NOW I'M FEELING BETTER ! 
Alan Just got in and said we could go for a coffee in a minute - so - well - i gotta get ready - YAWN - 
ON EVERYBODY ELSE TERMS - DRIVES ME MAD .......

A SMILING LAMB TO MAKE YOU SMILE AFTER THAT LOT ! 

NORMALITY v's BONKERS - A PITUITARY HYPER ! Such fun !

And - It's sooooo true - I really do believe -

ALL THE BEST PEOPLE ARE BONKERS - AND WE SEEM TO FIND EACH OTHER -
But - all for the best - because - we all understand one another, We seem to Understand looks and interpret different smiles and facial expressions in our own way -
WE seem to understand that - 'Yeah - That person is smiling on the outside - but - Inside - They are CRYING ' - and then we battle our own demons to help and make That person feel better
and Bonkers people - we get along - and have a laugh where laughing isn't really a thing to be had - and well - WE ARE ALL WONDERFUL - and we all appreciate each other !!!

People who are 'Normal' and i know there is no such thing as 'Normal' BUT - People who 'Get along'

( OMG - JUST REMEMBERED THE ' GET ALONG GANG ' HERE -
THE CARTOON AS A KID - THAT I LOVED
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBMJtOdOsmk -
Basically they were a group of Pre-teen animals that endorsed Teamwork and Friendship - Such a shame it all went out of the window when 'things' happen in real life !! )

in life - wander through there everyday occurrence with not a thing that's .... Different - ....
Nothing out of the ordinary - no - 'odd' or 'weird' happening's,
No Illness to Moan about, Nothing Spectacular going on in their 'existence' -
Just everyday 'Norm' - That is happening to a lot of people in the same society - People who 'chose' to adhere to popular Rules and Principles - People who conform to a type or a standard =
Yeah - That's what Normality is - PURE AND SIMPLE - Because if you are 'Abnormal' due to Illness - You are NOT choosing, or bringing it on yourself  - and so -
Your automatically classed as 'Abnormal' ----- Mmmmm does that even make sense ?!

There ya see - They just needed me to help - and I'd log the whole lot in just a few simple - easy to understand words - Don't need all this LA Dee DAR about Physiology and Psychology and and other OGY's that there are .....

'NORMAILITY IS PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT FORCED INTO ABNORMALITY !!' - Job Done !

OMG - Abnormality - and i have to spell this out - literally - ' AB normal ITY !! ' - Ab - normal - LMAO - I'm so not - and i love being me - and being me - is being different !! -
( lol - even though a lot of you may have no idea what i am going on about - A LOT OF YOU WILL!! - HURRAH !! )
Omg - stop laughing Abby - This is not helping your case to be normal - OHH I DON'T WANNA BE NORMAL - SO - Carry on laughing - insainly - THAT'S FINE !!! PMSL xx

OK - I thought something there and i am going to type it anyway - as it is actually what i think - NORMAL PEOPLE ARE BORING !! There - i've done it - I'd hate to walk along in life and not have fun and see silly things out of nothing and be reminded of things that that nothing to do with a conversation - just because someone mentioned a certain word - It's Brilliant !! I love to laugh at myself - and i love to make others laugh - and OMG some of the things i have done are utterly ridiculas - and thing's i have said make no sense - but - OMG I'm funny !! = and surely - Being funny - and entertaining - BUT LOVING IT - is better than having no sense of humor, and being unable to laugh and unable to make jokes and smile - because really - is there anything better than smiling ?? REALLY SMILING - ?? No - I don't think so ! ( I'm NOT thinking of David Tennant In a Plunge Pool underneath a waterfall at this moment - with a rubber ring ( Pmsl - Not for the Piles ) but holding a Coffee for me - and ok - he can have a beer - ohhh and Strawberries - and Marshmallows - YUM !! Ohhh OK - THAT'S BETTER THAN  SMILING - SHOVE YA SMILES - I WANT DAVID DESPERATE AND LONGING FOR ONLY ME !!! )

OK OK = - ( No - It's not four days later !! ) But - i have to stop laughing and try to remember what the bloody hell i am talking about - and really i should re-name this - as ohhh no - normal and abnormal - maybe i should just call it - DOWNRIGHT BONKERS !! = lol !! Cause now - I have utterly no idea where i was or what i was saying - But - I STILL KNOW MY OWN NAME !! - Mmmm - BUT - As i'm kinda in the process of a Divorce - PMSL - I don't know my name - as I could be Abigail Collin-Barry, or I could be Abigail Collin - Or Abby Barry ( But that sounds like a bloody telly tubby ) or Abby Collin = OK - HOLD THAT THOUGHT - I don't know my own name - so - NO HOPE FOR ME !!

Nope - Ya see - I can't make sense of what I have read then - But - i just kind of KNOW that many people will relate ! - I can literally keep on like this for hours - and hours and hours - and all the EX or Mother will do is look at me and say - " Abby - I need a break " - But - Be fair - TRY BEING ME - i don't get a thought from my breaks - ohh no - i mean a break from my thoughts - They carry on and on and on like a Duracell Bunny - Never stopping - never stopping - now i'm thinking of Dougal from the Magic Roundabout - No = Not Dougal - Zeebadee !! Fucking mad that thing was - bounce bounce bounce - see - HE WAS NOT NORMAL !! See - Laughing again - and it's not even that funny ! - BUT my head is literally going at 1000 words a second - and i'm just typing as i think them !! -

omg - Now i'm remembering the Doctor Donna ( Sorry - HUGE { in every sense } DR WHO FAN

Donna Noble: I thought we'd try the planet Feldspoon. Just cause. What a good name, Feldspoon. Apparently it's got mountains that sway in the breeze. Mountains that move, can you imagine?
The Doctor: And how do you know that?
Donna Noble: Because it's in your head. And if it's in your head, it's in mine.
The Doctor: And how does that feel?
Donna Noble: Brilliant, Fantastic, Molto Bene, Great big universe, packed into my brain. You know you can fix that chameleon circuit if you just try hotwiring the fragment links and superseding the binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary
[gasps]
Donna Noble: ... I'm fine!
Donna Noble: Nah! Nevermind Feldspoon. You know who I'd like to meet? Charlie Chaplin. I bet he's great, Charlie Chaplin. Shall we do that, shall we go see Charlie Chaplin?
[picks up phone]
Donna Noble: Shall we, Charlie Chaplin? Charlie Chester, Charlie Brown, no he's fiction,
[puts phone down]
Donna Noble: friction, fiction, fixing, mixing, Rickston, Brixton.
[gasps]

OK - and for those that don't know - Ohhhh - Your not worth telling - go watch Doctor Who - HOW COULD YOU HAVE MISSED IT - THAT'S A DISGRACE * Yes Caps are on - I'm TELLING YOU OFF * !!

Anyways - that's what it's like in my head - lmao - Without the Intelligence - ok ok - I have a bit of Intelli.thingy !! - When i can be bovvered to bring it out - it's just like - I prefer to be ...... Me - Daft and Funny and a Tad Nutttttttter !! ;) !!

OK - Head's actually hurting now - and i'm trying to remember to tell you - OK - Yeah - People seem to be drawn to me - Other 'People' who have 'issues' - lmao - and we'll we always seem to get on like a house on fire - and alright this may not be very PC - but - Well - I'm NOT Mentally Whatever the word is - Mentally illness'ed !! = I have got two Pituitary Tumors which make it look like i am !! - Apparently My actions and re-actions are very similar to Psychosis and Bi-polar all mixed into one !! lmao - and i shouldn't say 'Nutter' - But Frankly if the cap fits - and it generally does - I do look like a nutter - and well - ALL THE BEST PEOPLE ARE !! = I TRULY believe that and do NOT say it in a derogatory way !!

OK = so - just last night - 1am - OK - This morning - Two cats - Staring each other out and making that god dam awful noise they make when they are just about to fight - well - I turned on all my lights - stomped downstairs ( and no - i'm not thinking of Hale and Pace now doing THE STOMP - Google it if your interested - it is fab - Ohhh ok - I WAS THINKING OF IT !  ) The EX - who had left the keys in the door - which usually have been removed due to my ermmm tendancies to wish to kill myself at 3am - were still in the door - so - I opened it - non too quietly - and went to the middle of the street = In my Pyjama's - no slippers = and started VERY LOUDLY  forgetting that it was 1am = To tell these VERY NAUGHTY CATS THAT THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR AND THEY SHOULD BE FRIENDS AND NOT FIGHTING - welllllll = Both cats looked at me - Looked at each other - and no word of a lie = Went for each others throats - WELL - I was most put out - Anyways - Just as I was getting closer to them - a ... what can only be called an accelerated winged sprightly Supersonic ball of fluff ran past - the size of a large dog - a black ball of lightening went past me PDQ like a bullet from a Gun - Then - all you heard was my piercing washer woman like scream of PEGGGGGGGATY PAWZZZZZZZZZ - COME BACK HEREEEEEEE - but - she was gone - Like a Jet propelled Speedball = Then -  the EX - Alan came out of the front door

- THANK GOD T'shirt and PJ bottoms in place - and he half asleep = thought i was, well - A FUCKING LUNATIC and was trying to wake the entire neighbourhood with my beautiful singing i think ! ! I TRIED to explain about the cats - He isn't a cat lover really ( or a dog lover - or .... OK I'LL STOP THERE !!! )  - but - I managed to tell him Peggaty had escaped and ran in thus direction - and i pointed towards a light that had just come on in number 8 !! Ab - Go inside please - he asked very calmly and nicely - I'll get Peg - Bless him = He still thought i was trying to warble my way into next years The Choir i think - I do happen to like Gareth Malone - I think he is Fabulous - BUT - I don't think id make it into the Great Choir Reunion - well - I defo won't as i wasn't there in the first place !!
Some reunion - if they don't remember me - I'd be so upset - pmsl .........
Anyway - I got inside and Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - Derek AND Rodney ( I knew it wasnt Rodney as he is a real Poofy cat - BUT Del - Well - he is a 'ard cat and he could well have started the fight )  But They both came to me and were fine ..... All i then heard was Alan - " - Come on ol girl " = and then i saw - OMFG - Peggaty limping and Alan having to help her into the front door - She had over done it - TOTALLY - Her arthritic limbs giving up - BUT OMG SHE WAS PLEASED WITH HERSELF - She had stopped those naughty cats !! = She had TWO Rodeo Bones = and then slept for the rest of the night - This morning she is stiff - but ok - and well - I did get one or two funny looks from the neighbours - But - nothing Lingering - THEY DON'T DO LINGERING LOOKS AT ABBY for fear of what may come about !!
APPARENTLY this behaviour is not normal - and I should NOT be doing it - BUT WELL - I STOPPED A FIGHT - with the aid of SUPERRRR DOGGGGGGG !!

OMG - all that and there is just one senario there - i amy have to do another blog with a few more of the funny antics i have gotton up too - Mmmmmm = BUT ATM i'm knackered and my heads BUZZING  and i better MEDICATE WOMAN MEDICATE - Just to calm my head down !!

So Best get outta here - hit the road - make tracks - split - run - roll - take off - Catch ya later - Laters - Flipping out - SEE YA !!!!!!

AGONY AUNT ABBY - BBW DATING QUESTIONS, THE PERFECT MAN !

OK - I'll start with the actual question that I was asked today on my YouTube account by MattFreeRunner007 ....
( Brilliant Name BTW - Congers up thoughts of a Gorgeous, Tall, yet Muscly guy with tussled hair and a slight tan - all Runny n jumpy and tough guy ish -
THERE WE GO - DONE IT - THAT'S WHAT I WANT !!!! )

" Hey Abi (  Wrong spelling - but that's not an issue with me ! ) My Names Matt i hope you don't mind me contacting you off normal comments but i wanted to know a few things about you I'm not a stalker but wish to understand you more i watch most of your videos ( WHY NOT ALL ?????? ) and you are a very entertaining lady ( phahahahaha - I'm NO LADY ! ) I like your style and your presence and would like to know - what you go for in a man, what looks age type personality also what would you be able to do on a first date I'm not talking sexually I'm respectful and have morals like you but what would you like to do as a first meeting ? I'm 36 white male from London with a very good job in banking and lots of interests similar to your own i have my own flat and car i like kids and love animals. I am interested as i am looking to date someone very similar to you and want to be able to understand them more i am not scared of commitment but i am fragile from a previous relationship can you give me insight please "
( Wants to date someone : LIKE ME !! = THAT'S IT - HIT ME WHILE I'M DOWN !! )

There - That's what he wrote - No Punctuation or Paragraphs or Anything -
BUT - it is an Email - So i think, This is OK with Emails ?? - Anyway - He has commented before and he is always decent a respectful - and i thought it wouldn't hurt in replying, and as i Have not done a Blog this week - Well - HERE WE GO BECAUSE IT'S MORE INSIGHT FOR YOU GUYS TOO !!

Firstly - From YOUR point of view Matt - ALWAYS BE YOURSELF - and if this 'lady' wants to change you - she's NOT the one for you - ALWAYS BE YOURSELF - No matter what .... Even though you are 'Fragile' = That is NOT an emotion to bring into a new relationship -

YOU need to get over this, BEFORE entering a relationship -

Start off on EQUAL footing - NOT with one Dominant and one slightly Vulnerable - That won't work - Well - Not in my mind !! But - then I am aware that some people have some rather 'obscure' fetish's and the Dom / Sub Scene is well known ..... But - That's for you to work out !! Ohhh maybe i have gone off on one, and my thoughts on that matter is for another Blog or Video !!

OK - Firstly - You sound adorable - Chatty, Positive, Understanding and well - if you have the same interests as me - and you like me - OMG MAN - DITCH THIS BITCH AND COME TO ME !! -
OK OK - Abby - Shushhh ! = Help - NOT Hinder !! ( That was the little Angel on my Right shoulder = The devil is on my left ;) !! )

OK - So I am going to answer your questions in order you asked them - AND I HOPE THEY HELP!

If your asking about ANOTHER woman - I'm NOT sure why you need to know WHAT I GO FOR IN A MAN !! - ( I have a sneaky feeling that this 'other woman' is a BBW / SSBBW and you are asking what types ' we ' go for - If this is the case - SHAME BE BROUGHT UPON YOU !! )
A few of you lot know - I'm not shy about talking about myself - so I will answer -
BUT Matt - Remember - ALL WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT - and lol -
MOST WOMEN ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT TO ME !!
So - What I LIKE and what SHE LIKES are two very very different things i would think !!

OK - I'm FUSSY - Even though I am FAT, ( and yes - I am FAT and it's FINE to use that word - It is ONLY derogatory if used in a negative sense - and I'M not negative !! - I'm FAT and FLIRTATIOUS and FETCHING ( ewwwww - I can't think of another F word - apart from the obvious - BUT - my mother may be reading ;) !! ) So Fetching will have to do but I'd preferred to use the letter S to describe me - SEXY - SULTRY - SPIRITED - SPICY - SUGGESTIVE - STRIKING AND STIMULATING !!! - There - now THEY are good !!!! OK OK - I'm LOOKING for a Tall Guy, ( taller than me anyways !! ) I really don't think id be safe and secure with a smaller guy than me - I do like to feel secure and protected - ( I know - that's sooo shallow - But - That's me ) I also have to know that the guy is emotionally and psychologically secure - with my illness - I cant be with someone who is Timid / Won't stand up for themselves / Easily Scared - Because - at times - I can get scary = BUT THAT'S NOT ME REMEMBER - THAT'S MY ILLNESS ..



100% RELIABLE - If they say they will be somewhere at 3pm - THEN BE THERE !!
Honest - I can't stand lies
A guy who won't string me along - I can't stand that
A guy who likes Texts ! - I do like to text !! OMG AND TALK - I can talk for England !
Basically :
A Best Friend - Someone who i can tell anything too and have decent conversations with from Economy to Psychology to TV to Unicorns to News to Religion .....
I like Diversity ( Not the Dance group ! ) But I do LOVE Britain's Got Talent !!
I'm not shy either - so, That needs to be thought about,
I'm quite childlike, and get very excited, fairly easily !
Essentially I want to have FUN, Be myself, I'm Unique and very Noticeable,
If a guy is embarrassed easily or shy  / NOT CHATTY - then they are NOT for me ...... I think that answers the first question !!!
* OHHHH I'M USELESS - I'VE KINDA ANSWERED ALOT OF THE QUESTIONS THERE !!

OK - So easier if i copy and paste - That will stop me going off on a tangent !!

what you go for in a man, - FUN, CONFIDENCE, LOVES MY CURVES, CHALLENGES ME, ACCEPTS ME FOR WHO I AM, IS'NT EMBARRASSED TO BE TOUCHY / FEELY, WANTS TO PROTECT AND LIKES BEING TAKEN CARE OF ...... MUST HAVE SAME VALUES AND A FEW OF THE SAME INTERESTS !

what looks :  TALL, ( Alot of people think that because i am fat - I should be Greatful for anyone - I DON'T GO FOR THIS WAY OF THINKING !! )
I AM SEXY, LOVELY, POSITIVE, CONFIDENT, FIESTY, AND MAKE PEOPLE FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES.
ANYONE WOULD / WILL BE VERY VERY LUCKY TO HAVE ME -
DODGY HEAD AND ALL - SO - NO - I DON'T GO FOR JUST ANYONE - I AM FUSSY !!

But - It all goes on Eye Contact / Smiles and Personality ..................

Age - For me - Personally = It depends on the individual = Age is just a number ......
Some people look there age - and some don't = Some people act there age - and some don't !!
I have NEVER felt my age - and don't think i ever will !!!
So a guy may be 46 but act mid 20's and I'd love that - But also a guy may be early 20's and act 50 -
I without doubt DON'T want a Fuddy Duddy - THAT'S B.O.R.I.N.G !

Type - I do like Tall Guys with Stubble  -  I LOVE a bit of stubble / blue eyes - STRIKING - Ohhhhh Yummy !! - BUT = sometimes clean shaven does it - and sometimes it doesn't - lol !! -
BUT EYE'S AND SMILE'S ARE A BIG THING FOR ME !! I also Find White / Slightly tanned well toned, guys attractive - and NOOOOOOO - I'm NOT racist, people just have different tastes AND THAT'S OK ...

SOME people hate fat women - and that's FINE = it's all about individual preference

Personality - SAME AS 'WHAT I GO FOR' - I THINK  - Someone CONFIDENT = Fun, Has Opinions, is Loyal, Positive, True to themselves, Supportive and has Morality and respect !!

also what would you be able to do on a first date ? - Oh this is a good question - because what i'd like to do - and what i can do - are TWO different things - ( Because of my Head )


I'd LOVE to go walking in an Olde Worlde Street - Giving us things to look at and discuss  and Maybe look at some Art, and take in a Movie - something light hearted - then Something light to eat and a nice chat somewhere quiet ...... Mmmmmm - I'd also LOVE to go Horse-Riding !! - Or too a Zoo and find out the guy's reactions to animals .... As they are a HUGE part of my life - and I DON'T want someone that isn't an Animal Lover

BUT

If i'm being totally serious - At the moment - The Guy would have to come to me - and all i can probably manage is a Coffee Shop - and a chat ( Because i get very tired / may get a tad anxious FOR NO REASON - and if he can't cope with that - it would NOT go very well !! ) - If i like you and we click - we could be there for a good few hours - AND BELIEVE YOU ME - THE FELLA WOULD HAVE A LAUGH AND WOULD FEEL AT EASE - If he is a chatter himself  ( I'm always told I make people feel Happy and Comfortable in my company )
If we don't hit it off = I'd make excuses and go after one coffee - one coffee is all i would need !
I WOULD DEFINITELY NOT ASK IF THEY WANT ANOTHER COFFEE - ALTHOUGH - I WOULD PROBABLY STILL PAY AS THE GUY HAD MADE THE EFFORT TO COME TO ME - I FEEL I SHOULD DO MY BIT !!
I DON'T believe in dragging things out if it is NOT going to work ....
If I ask if they would like another coffee - THEN .... Oh that's unmistakably a good sign, and the man should then KNOW i'm interested !! - If HE IS'NT  =  Then GO AND RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, RUN FOR THE HILLS NOW !!!!

So far i have had a few dates - Off either OKCupid, or Badoo, The Dating Sites -
Three Guys wanted to get Physical There and Then, and i'm Moralistic like that - I DON'T have ONS or FUN ( ewww that sounds so boring - but i want a connection with someone - and feel that is the right way of doing things )  !!
One started seeing someone closer to where he lived, AFTER telling me he loved me - and wanted to move closer !! - But - When they split - he came back and Tried it on again with me, saying he had made a terrible mistake, SHE had seduced HIM  !! ( 'Off' was my second word to him !! - I DON'T get dumped and then taken back !! )
One Turned out to be a Black guy - and his Profile Pictures were all of a VERY good looking White Guy = I stopped this before it began - ONLY because of the lie = WHY LIE TO ME ABOUT THAT ??? - He was a nice fella and that really upset me - BUT - I couldn't trust him after a fake profile !! - and the last one - WELL - we had quite a few dates - BUT - I think he Can't put up with my Texting and instead of telling me to stop because he was busy - He decides to IGNORE ME - and I HATE BEING IGNORED BY ANYONE !! Then he will text me after a few days and ask how i am and how the kids are - and pretend all is fine - NOPE - I CAN'T DO THAT - It's as if he is hiding something - So - I have text HIM - telling him, I don't want to see him anymore - WHICH IS STUPID AS HE WAS AND IS LOVELY ........

But - There is someone out there who will appriciate me for who i am - and what i do - and what i can bring to a relationship -
I am NOT going to chase guys anymore - IT should be the other way around !

FUNNY BLOG = PITUITARY / BRAIN TUMOUR UPDATES

OK - SO I KNOW IT'S JUST ME - BUT PLEASEEEEEEE - WHY DON'T PEOPLE COMMENT !! - I'm always commenting and making observations and remarks and passing NICE judgement - side splitting - BUT - on my posts - all i get is friends making comments - AND - don't get me wrong - that's lovely - and i love it - BUT - where are all the other readers - FUNNY - ohhhh is it because i have become far too moany - too funny - ok - i am whiney ( now - is that spelt with or without an E ??!! ) and yes ye i have A LOT of gripes = and nope - i don't feel bad to make sure that the entire universe KNOWS about them !!! ;) and - if someone asks me - HOW ARE YOU - hysterical - by the end they wish to god they hadn't - and  usually have to scoop them up off the floor - ask THEM if they take milk and sugar and feed them biscuits to get there blood sugar levels up !! AND IT'S ME THAT'S BLOODY ILL !!

BUT - OK - This Blog - Just a quickie ( I know I know I'm not good at QUICK anything ) and Tom ( My son - ) You don't have to worry - this is NOT a start of a 50 shades of grey esq number - ( He thought my recollection of David Tennant as the tenth Doctor ( Which was actually a FANTABULOUS piece of writing ) was far too risque in my last blog ! Went quite quite red and started coughing and spluttering - not wanting to read - It was NOT - BUT - now he has put the idea in my head -....... )



This Blog - This QUICK BLOG - This Blog for my brothers ( OMG Hold onto your hats im off )  We few, we happy ( Sad/ Hysterical/Angry/Desired/Despairing/Joyful/Loveing/Excited etc etc etc ) few, we band of brothers and sisters, For he/she ( NOT Transvestite - but they can come too )  to-day that sheds his blood with me ( Bloody Phlebotomist - Bain of my life Keep your veins warm Mrs Barry - they collapse otherwise  ) , Shall be my brother/sister ; be he/she ne'er so vile, This day shall gentle his/her condition ( If only - cause then i could stop the bloody moaning ) : And Gentlemen/Women in England now a-bed ( No TOM - THAT'S NOT RUDE IN BED - THAT'S SLEEPING ) , Shall think themselves accursed they were not here, And hold their manhoods ( that's RUDE ) cheap whiles any speaks, That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day. ( Sorry - I just love this speech and Kenneth Branagh did us all proud as Henry in the film of the same name ! )
Ohhhhhhh - Now i've forgotton - Ohh yes - This Blog is about my latest Phone Conversations and letters from the University Hospital London Re my Pituitary Tumors and Organic Duel Personality

OK - So - I was in the car - Don't all gasp at once - I WASN'T DRIVING - !!! - Alan ( The EX ) was driving - and I was in the middle of a HUGE altercation - A MASSIVE ROW - with myself - as per usual - as he had switched off by this point - and well - I keep going - and going and going - Like a Duracell Bunny - as I'm SURE some of my words must go in SOMEWHERE and he will have to take note at some point ( I'm even shaking my own head here - I doubt very much this will happen - as - although he is a good bloke - FUCK ME HE THINKS HE IS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING - and Everyone knows - Thats Rubbish - THE WOMAN IS ALWAYS RIGHT !! )

Anyway - My Phone goes - I press IGNORE = and it shuts up - I resume the rant = then - less than four seconds later My Phone rings again -

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

( That's Meredeth Brooks if anyone wanted to know singing BITCH )


and ohhhh i love that ring tone - so me !! I always have to keep listening to nearly the end - and even mid SCREAM - The phone goes - and that's it - I SING !! ......... and yes - as a guy said the other day on a YouTube Comment - I do have the Voice like ADELE - lmao - Sweet and beautiful - OHHHHHHHHHHH SHUT THE FRONT DOOR - ok - I'm shrill and sqweeky and warble with the rest of you !! BUT - I do have a comment that says i sound like Adele - BUT - I don't think it was her singing voice he was talking about ! CHEEK !! OK - So - I can recall the Phone Conversation word for word - as is wasn't long -

ME ... HELLO ( Very grumpy and ANNOYED ) and i so want to go into Adele;s " Hello, it's me
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet,To go over everything, They say that time's supposed to heal ya, But I ain't done much healing " - But I don't !! I just sneer !!

OTHER END OF PHONE .... An Indian Guy - " Mrs Barry .... Is this Mrs Barry "

ME ...... " Yes - This IS Mrs Barry "

OTHER END OF THE PHONE .......... " Mrs Barry - This is Rajessh "

ME ..... " Ermm - I think you just rang a few minutes ago - AND I IGNORED THE CALL DIDNT I ?? ... "

( I actually thought it was a PPI call )

RAJESSH - "  Yes Madame, That was me .... You did Ignore the call - yes ... "

I interupted Rajessh here

ME - " RAJESSH = GENERALLY IF SOMEONE IGNORES A CALL IT MEANS THEY ARE BUSY / OR VERY VERY ANGRY = SO FUCK OFF .. "

Then I put the phone down...... and carried on having a huge great Ruckas with myself .... I don't give up easily !

Well - I didn't think any more of this ....... Even after i got a Phone Call from Alan on the Wednesday to say that AT LAST, The powers that be at the NHS in East Kent have found a Grade 6 Neuro Psychologist,  A Neuropsychologist is a physiologist who specializes in understanding the relationship between the physical brain and behavior. The brain is extremely complex - especially mine !, and disorders within the brain or nervous system can alter behavior and cognitive function, of which I am a wonderful example !! ( I thank you ! ) So - It has taken two years to get an appointment with a Grade 6 Neuro - as The one I had before ( Who was superb - and understood everything i said - either this - or he was scared shitless of me !! !) had to come off my case because i was apparently to complex for him !!! BUT - at the time - There was no Grade 6's down in Kent !! BUT NOW THERE IS - HURRAHH !! So = I have an Appt on Wednesday - at my house - and Thank You to Tom who said :
 " Oh Good Luck to her - She's gonna need it - I wouldn't want to Interview mum " = THANKS SON

Anyway - Fabulous - That has got things moving again - and i have a Inch of hope - OHHHHHHHH - THEN - THEN I get a letter - UCHL ( University College Hospital London ) wanting ANOTHER Dex test done - Even though - I had spoken to the Secretary - who was very very helpful  -but she explained that they said I was NOT required to do anything more - as all my tests had come back normal = EXCEPT THE MRI which showed up not one BUT TWO TUMORS on the Pituitary Gland - One at the Side and one at the back ..... I THINK it was a secretary - But I cant remember .....

ANYWAYS ..... Then it all made sense when the Phone Call came ....

CALLER ..... Mrs Barry?
ME ............ Yep - That's me ! - ( Happy Jolly and a tad OTT ! )
CALLER ......... Morning - This is 'Cant remember who it was' from the Hospital ....
ME .......... Sorry - Which Hospital ??
CALLER ................. University College Hospital
ME ............... Ohhhh OK ( GOBSMACKED - as last time i was in floods talking to them as they said there was nothing more they were going to do - and they couldnt fit me in for another appt till aug )
CALLER .............. You had a call the other day - from your Consultant - Which you were not able to take at that time
ME ...................... NO - Sorry - I have NOT had any calls from Consultants
CALLER .................... Yes Mrs Barry - ( Snigger ) He remembers it very well - He has not ever had a phone call like it before -
SUDDEN REALISATION - OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIT
ME .................... Ohhhhh - Was he the man that called and I was rude too, because I was in the middle of a 'Storm' ?
CALLER - ............. Laughing now - Yes - Thats right Mrs Barry - You told him to FUCK OFF ..... (IN HYSTERICS) ............. He has since told me that never in his life has anyone, on the end of a phone, told him to do this before  ( She was in fits )
ME - ................. Yes - I remember - Laughing - I was NOT in a good mood !!!!
CALLER - No - He guessed that - and - remembers you in clinic - so - has since got you more Dex Tests Organised - as your Cortisol Levels Must be all over the place ( NO SHIT SHERLOCK ) He has also Organised a Top Grade NeuroPsychologist to Visit you URGENTLY and is awaiting a meeting with another EndoCrynologist to discuss your case further...... This is just a Phone Call to let you know things are moving along .......
ME - Ohhh Thank you so much ( For some reason I went a tad Chinese here, and I may have actually bowed - I'm not entirely sure ) Then I started laughing - at my idiotic behaviour - she did too - but rather at what i had said - and we both hung up

BLOODY THRILLED IS NOT THE WORD - FINGERS CROSSED EVERYONE PLEASE !!