THERE MAY BE MORE TOO IT - THAN MEETS THE EYE !!
THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK !
LMAO - OMG - I have just had another person ( who i opened my OWN front door too ) Turn round and say - " Wow - your HUGE " - Now - Considering i was in my own house - and he was knocking on my door ( To TRY to sell me a new Porch - well - not new porch- as i don't have one - but - to TRY to sell me a porch - I Don't feel this was the BEST opening line he could have thought of - and being fair - OK - I must have shocked him - as yes - I AM FAT - AND I AM VERY BRIGHTLY COLORED - AND YOU KNOW WHAT - I COULDN'T CARE LESS !!
Lots of people have asked HOW i am so confident and WHY i do what i do ( Bring attention to myself and wear clothes that i do etc ) and Why I don't do something about it !! - lots of laughing - OK - Let me start at the beginning !!
Ever since i was young - my weight has flatuated oh no - word doesn't like that - OH - OK - Fluctuated - THAT's BETTER ! - Thought Flat was a funny term to be used for Weight Movements !! Oh Weight Movement = It's not called that either - but - i'm guessing you know what i mean !! Up, down, up, down, and mum even took me to the doctor as she was SURE i had a Thyroid problem - BUT - the doctor was a Jackass and WITHOUT even testing - told her that I ate too much and i should diet and exercise at 9 years old - Well - I HONESTLY can say - at that point - I DID NOT EAT TO EXCESS - AND I WAS ALWAYS ACTIVE - But - OK - Must be doing something = So mum started the Healthy Eating Routine- and i went to a Dietitian - a lady who tried to tell me about getting out more - and playing games in the street and eating a better diet - Mm - I started to get a little exacerbated at this - as - I was out all the time playing - and - MY DIET WAS GOOD !!
So - This is when i kinda went a bit haywire for a while - well - if people tell you that you are eating - IN MY MIND - that's what i'm going to do - So I started Comfort Eating - I'd buy things from the store on the way to school - I'd never eat in front of people - as i was far too self conscious - So - I sat in my room - and ATE - and ate - and ate - ( hiding papers and wrappers anywhere i could find - Mum and dad now very very worried - and knew i was comfort eating - but - i pretended i wasn't ) OK - NOW I WAS FAT !!! ...... BUT - thing that was different - I had brought that on myself = So - I HATED MYSELF - No point going to the Doctor - they would tell me to diet - and - at this point - that's what i should have done - This carried on all through school - I felt very picked on at school - apart from a few VERY GOOD and close totally understanding friends - whom i still have to this day. - Through my School Years and Early Working Life - I yo-yo'ed = BUT - even when i wasn't eating to excess - I was STILL putting on weight ...
I then started work - and this is when i decided enough was enough - and no word of a lie - I drank one slim-fast shake made with Skimmed milk and water for Breakfast and One for dinner - THAT WAS IT - Everything else Mum bought - I threw - and EVENTUALLY - I lost most of the weight - and got down to about 11 stone - which - for me - I was happy. But - It was quite a slow process - and - for most people to have that - and be VERY VERY active - The weight should have dramatically come off - It didn't - But - I got there ......
Then I met my First Boyfriend - Alan - married him - and Two years later - Had Tom !! Weight then started going back on - I had to eat !! ... But - Due to a terrible birth - I was given about 12 Epidurals - and they didn't work - UNTIL LATER - Then i was in bed for months - Awful excrutiating pain - and headaches and i basically couldn't walk - So - I ate - and ate and ate - all the wrong things - and got FAT again !! ...... Then - For a few months - it was superb - all great at home - and no pain and i was able to do everything = So - I went back to work - and Alan stayed with Tom - I lost a lot of weight again on the Slim Fast Diet !! But - That was fine = I was starving = But - it was worth it - SO I THOUGHT ...... Then we decided to have Cassia - and once again - I fell Pregnant easily - and OMG - The weight just went on - I was doing nothing - and it just kept going up and up - at one point i was eating nothing but fruit - and i was still putting on 7lb a week - Of course NO-ONE believed that i was secretly eating again - and i could not blame them = BUT - I KNEW I WAS NOT !!! ..... Anyways - I had Cassia = and a few weeks later was in a Myexdema Coma - A Rare and Life-Threatening Clinical condition that is entirely due to undiagnosed LONG TERM hypothyroidism - ( Yeah - THAT DRASTIC - and yup - I am the person that DIDN'T have Thyroid issues )- according to my GP at the time - BUT - was later Diagnosed as a Surgery First - The NEW GP said that my levels had come back so far off scale that i needed URGENT Hospital attention - But - by this point - I was actually unable to move or communicate - and the EX had rung an ambulance ! - Anyways - a drip of Thyroid and i was good as new - well - OK - exaggeration = But - I was OK........
OK - so - I thought this is where all my troubles would finish - I have been diagnosed with Hypothyroidism = Weight should come off now as my metabolism is now working ( due to medication - that i have to be on for the rest of my life - and if i fail to take it - i'll die !!!! * says with a smile ! * YOUR NOT ILL - LOSE WEIGHT- DO SOME EXERCISE - TAKE THAT YOU BASTARD ! Not that i hold a grudge ! )
Anyway - I thought all was good now - BUT - OMG - I started putting weight back on - lots of it - and - nothing i could do - ( Oh gotta remember this is a overview - lol !! NOT a life History ! ) OK - So - Found out that was just one contributing factor to my weight - I then had the GP tell me that due to LOTS of other symptoms - she was sure i had a Pituitary Tumor - Just behind the eyes - and where as the Thyroid Gland runs the metabolism - The Pituitary Gland - called the Master Gland - Runs, basically, EVERYTHING ELSE !!! - BUT - this could take a while to Diagnose - So - I have to keep going for MRI's, and Blood Tests etc - Well - OK - EVENTUALLY ( and Thank God my GP at this point was so fabulous ) 7 years later - The MRI picked up a Pituitary Tumor - THIS IS THE REASON I CAN'T LOSE WEIGHT !!!! - My body basically thinks it is in Famine Mode - and Stores EVERYTHING that i eat or drink !! - So - Now I KNOW it is NOT me - and nothing i can do - I eat and drink - what i want ( Which actually and 100% honestly is NOT A LOT ! ) when i want, and if someone says something - I can't let it bother me !! So instead of dwelling on the HUGENESS of my Ass - I embrace it - Laugh - OK - Not literally - and go with it - I dress how i want - even if it goes against what people tell me - I wear my hair how I LIKE, the color i wish - and OK - I may be making a statement - but - surely - IT'S BETTER TO BE HAPPY AND FAT - THEN MISERABLE AND FAT !! Due to my illness ( which makes THE HULK look like Mary Poppins ) I am a miserable Suicidal Paranoid mare a lot of the time - so - When I am 'me' I like to laugh and joke and be funny and smile and help others smile - and OK, a lot of people think I am very childish, and not responsible etc etc- BUT - In fact - I am just doing what EVERYONE ELSE WISHES THEY COULD DO - I am enjoying being me - and loving who I am AND TRYING TO HELP PEOPLE DO THE SAME !! If that's a bad thing - SHOOT ME !!
Ohhh Yes - Mr Porch Man - That's why i went into this - When i get comment's like his - Come on - KEEP UP !! - Remember the Guy at aforementioned Front Door said " Oh Your HUGE ", I always felt it compulsory to tell them why ...... and Now - well - Today - I just turned to him - Looked him in the eye and said with a great big smile " YEAH - LONG STORY - I AM FAT = AND I'M BLOODY LOVELY !! " - Then I laughed and I felt GOOD !!
He looked at me, smiled and said " Yeah Sexy too " = and winked, we both just started laughing = HOW GOOD WAS THAT !!! - If I had been negative to him - Then - I am almost certain he would have been negative right back at me !! = But - Because I have a 'devil can't care' attitude = then so did he !! Poor Bloke still didn't get a sale - But - We had a laugh and he smiled because of something I said - and he now will think differently before talking to Fat people again = I HOPE - So = Such a good day !!
( Number two of this story will be published asap - maybe today - maybe tomorrow - BUT SOON ! )
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