AFTER I OVER DO IT TUESDAY - PITUITARY BRAIN TUMOUR

AFTER I OVER DO IT TUESDAY -

PITUITARY BRAIN TUMOUR

 

Well this morning I woke up at 5am - stayed in bed till 5.30am - got up, showered, make up on - dressed - cleaned bathroom - came down - letdog out, cleaned out kittens, fed kittens and dog - hoovered floor - emptied dustbins - cleaned doors and walls and then sat down to a coffee - 7am - Then I went on facebook on my phone and did a few tweets and a few google+ stories - then that was enough - I started feeling - DODGY = Head slowing and feeling I wasn't wanted - ( I know this isn't right )

 

Went to Shopping Mall - 30 mins drive - eyes shut most of the way ( OBVIOUSLY NOT ME DRIVING !! ) otherwise im jumping and thinking the cars are coming at me - and yes I actually scream AND SWEAR UNCONTROLABLEY - but even then i was feeling heavy and tired and S.L.OW

 

Anyway - went to the few shops we needed to for the kids - had a Shouting at ex paddy in one of the shops as he went off and I couldn't see him - and I was worried that daughter was in changing rooms and if I moved she would get upset - so I stayed in same position for about 20 minutes - almost in tears I saw ex coming out of changing room - He was int here allt eh time

 

I didn't have to worry - WHY COULDNT HE JUUST TEL ME

 

I wandered off = not really knowing where i was going just aimlessly wandering - and I did get a little loud and call someone a slapper when they started staring - because I do stagger and just stand still and stare

 

Got home after an eventful lunch at sainsburyies - excuse spelling

 

STRAIGHT UP TO BED - AND SENT A DODGY - TEXT TO FAMILY ABOUT WHY SOME OF THEM DIDNT CARE LESS THAT I WAS ILL - THATS HOW IM FELING .. SO I TELL EM ! Then I switched phone off ... Its still off now

 



Woke up feeling couldn't get out of bed - everything so sos sososos heavy, desperate for the loo - eventually got up 25 mins after waking - everything heavy and hurt to move legs - felt about 50 stone - went to the loo and got back into bed - all without cleaning up anything on the way - or even making the bed !! - unheard of - I just got in !! .....

Lay there, Head HAVING to stay in one position - turning it left or right up / down made my whole head feel blurry and s.l.o.w. .... Pain behind eyes, and at temples - was brought a couple of paracetamol as I don't know what else to take - I think its more psychological that they .... I was gonna say make me feel better - but in reality - I still ( an hour and a half later ) feel crap ...

My legs feel so bloated and it is a GREAT effort to move them - and even moving my arms is a HUGE stain on my head - Whenever I do this I kinda slow even more - and my temples throb. 

Lifting my arms above my head is a definite no no - For some reason - I start to cry - or rather my tear ducts open - and I start to leak !! - and and that's when the stuttering and jumbled speech starts -

 I know what I want to say - but getting it out - and it sounds like total rubbish = although - to read this - it sounds ok - my head works - if I don't concentrate and just say whats happening but as soon as I think of what to type - then my head HURTS - and goes onto a slow ,,,,

Have to keep stoping to put my head in a different position as looking down - or looking up / side / stide is PAINFUL and hurts my eyes and the sides of my head.

Head feel VERY HEAVY

For some reason - im not sure why - I find myself shaking my head - maybe - my explaination - is to clear it ?? To make it go faster - as it is VERY VERY SLOW - now the back of my head is hurting and the sides are kinda pulsating, my arms are hurts as I am truing this = I am mouth breathing and the side of my head is actually quite painful -

Im forgetting to breathe as I type - so stop from time to time to bring head up and breathe and shut my eyes- this blanks everything out - and this helps hugely .....

As I do this - I dribble - ohhh so attractive ! - lmao - but I cant help it- im not bothered - my fingers have pins and needles in them and need shaking - and my upper arms feel so flabby and heavy
You can tell when  I have to bring my head up - as I have to start a new sentence afterwards
if you look at my other blogs - I don't think this is the case ??

Im siting trying to think but- thinkis not happening - although I can just type and NOT THINK - its all very odd.... as soon as I try to think - I stop , eyes shut = pain and need t breathe !

Thinking I should take a Diazepam - But - that's to calm me down - and omg - im totally calm - just the heaviness and slowness and tiredness ( Although I have just woken ) I still exhausted - but - need to get this out - I have no worried typing and am doing this at top speed - its everything else that is so slow = I can think - just not express anything

I try to talk and for example - Calling " DelBoy " I ended up shouting Bender, or Brenda or Bendels - Means nothing - I talk and either it comes out fine - or it comes out totallt rubbish and doesn't mean anything to anyone

REMEMEBR TO BREATHE = DEEP BREATH

Headache - but think that's cause my head is pointing down - or rather my eyes are - my head I am trying to keep strainght

OK OK - IM TIRED NOW - AND WANNNA STOP - WANNA COFFEE  ops caps !! - even holding coffe cup is a task its so bloody heavy - and I cnt think to put in pics - so will write up another blog when ok - this is as it happens !

BACK SOON FOLKS !

UPDATE 2 - PITUITARY BRAIN TUMOUR - DIAGNOSED 2 YEARS -

PITUITARY BRAIN TUMOUR -

DIAGNOSED 2 YEARS -

UPDATE

 

 

TO START AT THE VERY BEGINNING = DIAGNOSED TWO YEARS AGO WITH A PITUITARY BRAIN TUMOUR - OHHHH - I WILL LET THE LETTER I SENT OUT EXPLAIN IT ALL !


PLEASE EXCUSE THIS UNMITIGATED PLEA FOR HELP ....
I HAVE BEEN TOLD THERE IS NO FUNDING IN THE SOUTH EAST TO TREAT MY CONDITION ...
I HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED VIA NUMEROUS MRI'S WITH A ENLARGED PITUITARY AND A TUMOUR ON THE STALK OF THE PITUITARY GLAND AND I HAVE BEE TOLD BY A PSYCHOLOGIST I HAVE A TRAUMATISED AMYGDALA GLAND ..... 2 YEARS AGO ..... Since then I have been shuvved from Pillar to Post !
I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT SYMPTOMS WILL BE TREATED NOT THE CAUSE - BECAUSE NO-ONE KNOWS WHAT DAMAGE WILL BE DONE IF THE CAUSE IS TREATED ?
MANY SYMPTOMS ARE VERY VERY SIMILAR TO MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS
I KNOW IT IS NOT A MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE !!
I HAVE BEEN TOLD BY PSYCHOLOGISTS AND PSYCHIATRISTS ! ....
 
Just a few symptoms include ( in no order ) : HUGE WEIGHT GAIN, COLLAPSING VEINS, HYPOTHYROIDISM, BORDERLINE PCOS, MASSIVE MOOD SWINGS ( TOTALLY UNCONTROLLABLE and INTENCE - Can last five minutes or days - NEEDS DIAZEPAM TO CALM ME DOWN OTHERWISE I WILL CARRY ON - CANT CALM DOWN MYSELF AT ALL  ) BRUISEING FOR NO REASON, EXCESSIVE TIREDNESS, HYPERACTIVE, MUSCLE WEAKNESS, IRREGULAR PERIODS, CONSTIPATION, EXTREME DIARRHOEA, LOSS OF PERIPHERAL VISION ( Goldman Fields tests done ) LACK OF CONCENTRATION ( If I read it HURTS AND MY HEAD SLOWS DOWN )  - HUGE MEMORY PROBLEMS - also I have to keep shutting my eyes otherwise it feel like there is too much information going in my head ...
 
I ALSO HAVE MY HEAD SHUT DOWN - NOT  DUE TO PANIC ATTACK OR SOCIAL ANXIETY MAYBE JUST BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN TO BUSY ( Like go out for coffee and pop to a shop on way home !!!!! = THATS BUSY ) - MY HEAD SLOWS AND EVENTUALLY STOPS - SO I FALL ASLEEP - During this time I stutter and I cant get words I know to come out of my mouth, - I cant think - and the pain in my head, behind the eyes ( and travelling to the back of my head ) is IMMENCE - I have captured one of these 'Storms' on Camera - Please see link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2uwxPQWMlI
Normally I have no trouble talking and can talk for England ! - BUT - When these 'Storms' Happen - that's it - EVERYTHING STOPS.
I AM NOW UNABLE TO LIVE A LIFE - IM AT HOME AND I TRY TO BE POSITIVE AND HAPPY - BUT I HATE MY LIFE - I CANT GO OUT WITHOUT SOMEONE - INCASE I GET ANGRY ( another side effect ) OR INCASE I GO GIDDY AND CANT STAND UP - I AM A BURDEN TO MY FAMILY AND NEED HELP
- I TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE A FEW WEEKS AGO - I AM DESPERATE FOR HELP
I HAVE NOW BEEN TOLD I NEED FUNDING AS THERE IS NO-ONE 'IN AREA' WHO WILL OR CAN TREAT ME ?? A PSYCHOLOGIST IS TRYING TO GET THIS FUNDING - ( I HAVE SEEN PSYCHOLOGISTS AND PSYCHIATRISTS WHO BOTH SAY IT IS A MEDICAL MATTER ALTHOUGH SIGNS ARE THERE FOR BIPOLAR - BUT IT IS NOT BIPOLAR ! - I HAVE ALSO GONE COUNCILLING - ( I talk to anyone and this isn't and issue - but have done what the doctors tell me - CBT Does NOT work - as my Mood swings are UNCONTROLLABLE and its as if I have a duel personality - like Jekyll and Hyde ) - I CANT EVEN BE LEFT ALONE WITH MY OWN CHILDREN IN CASE I OVER REACT AND GET ANGRY - AS I AM TOTALLY UNSURE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN - I DONT AND NEVER WANT TO HURT ANYONE - BUT IF SOMEONE COMES TOWARDS ME - I REACT ...
EVERYTHING IS UNINTENTIONAL - I DONT MEAN TO SAY OR DO ANYTHING BAD - BUT IT HAPPENS - AND WHEN I CANT THINK - ALL I CAN DO - OUT OF FRUSTRATION I BELIEVE - IS SWEAR .... WORDS THAT I NEVER EVER WOULD GENERALLY USE ... AND ANYWHERE IN FRONT OF ANYONE -
I AM NOT DEPRESSED - BUT GET TERRIBLY TERRIBLY SUICIDAL - I OVER REACT AND AM PARANOID AND THINK EVERYONE HATES ME - THEN IM FINE AGAIN AND KNOW THIS IS NOT THE CASE !!!

SINCE THEN THE FOLLOWING HAS HAPPENED !!! :

I went through the Pituitary Foundation who have been brilliant - They sent a video I sent them of one of my storms - and a list of my symptoms to their consultant/Endo/Psych/ etc  - Their Endo/Pituitary Specialist  said I needed to be seen immediately, and had no idea how I had lasted two years!! - lol - told this to my GP, who really had better things to look at on the screen of her computer - and WOULD NOT look at my video and was MOST  UNIMPRESSED when I asked for a referral - and had to TELL her I wanted a ENDO and NOT a neuro  - 

she was most unhelpful - and resent me to a neuro - BUT NOW - after a VERY STRONGLY WORDED LETTERAND MANY TELEPHONE CALLS FROM MYSELF AND MY MOTHER !!  - I have been refered to

Stephanie.Baldeweg -
Tel: 020 3447 9373
Fax: 020 3447 9201
Email: stephanie.baldeweg@uclh.nhs.uk

Location:
University College Hospital; National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery

who just happens to be the Pit Foundations consultant who saw my video - I have just found out that the GP hasn't sent the letter of referal until Weds just gone - so the Pit foundation got involved AGAIN  - and this consultant is looking out for my referral  now - and will deal with me herself - so the Pituitary Foundation say - BUT - as they have done everything they say - and have even taken the time to ring and are actually interested - I trust them hugely!!-
Has to be said the Pit foundation were FABULOUS - if you havnt already checked them out

http://www.pituitary.org.uk/

It is estimated that there are approximately 70,000 people with a pituitary condition in the United Kingdom. To meet the need for information and support The Pituitary Foundation was set up in 1994 and was subsequently registered as a charity in September 1996.

The Pituitary Foundation is a national support and information organisation for pituitary patients, their families, friends and carers. We are the UK's leading charity providing support to people affected by disorders of the pituitary gland such as Acromegaly, Cushing's, Prolactinoma, Diabetes Insipidus and Hypopituitarism.  ... ALSO HERE IS SOME INFO ON THE CONSULTANT

https://www.uclh.nhs.uk/OurServices/Consultants/Pages/DrStephanieBaldeweg.aspx

IF YOU HAVE ANY ISSUES PITUITARY WISE PHONE THE PITUITARY FOUNDATION - AND DEMAND A URGENT REFERAL FROM YOUR GP - IT IS YOUR RIGHT

You are entitled to ask for a referral for specialist treatment on the NHS.
If you wish to be referred to a specialist in a particular field, you will need to see a GP at your registered practice. This is because all your medical records are held by your GP.
A specialist will only see you with a letter of referral from your GP. The letter will give the specialist essential background information, such as your medical history, and it will also contain details for the specialist to pay particular attention to.
If you wish to see a private specialist you are still advised to get a letter of referral from your GP. However, whether you see a private specialist, with or without a GP referral, or are referred to an NHS specialist, your GP is not obliged to accept the specialist's recommendations.......

I suggest always getting in touch with a registered charity in ref with the condition you have - THEY hold a lot of power and Information -
.......

THIS SET OF VIDEOS - SHORT - MAY HELP SOMEONE SOMEWHERE -
PLEASE BE AWARE THIS IS ALL BASED ON MY KNOWLEDGE AND MY OWN RESERCH AND UNDERSTANDING - NOTHING IS SET IN STONE !!

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPXZS76BBaH4JD7Qtror3zovTDDyPWmYT

with Brain Tumour - I dont wanna repeat ! = ThanksTuesday - Complete

with Brain Tumour - I dont wanna repeat ! =

Thanks Tuesday - Complete 

LMAO - Now - that Heading just about sums it up !!! - OMG - EVEN THAT DOESNT MAKE SENCE !! - But - In the right order it does !!! ... its meant to say

TUESDAY,  WITH BRAIN TUMOUR - I DONT WANNA REPEAT - THANKS !!

See - THAT made sence !!

It all started so so so well - up at 6am - showered - dressed, make up, post to facebook, google+ and twitter - fed cats and dog - cleaned out cats - hoovered - EVERYWHERE was lovely and tidy from the evening before - So - PERFECT - I can record a video for YouTube Channel - Mmmmmm - Now - whats this one gonna be about ??

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2MjBKZfVEE - well - see for yourself - Quite Normal - Happy - Totally myself - !! - Lovely - Then I made another Coffee and decided to have a hoover upstairs - Fabulous - ohhh im so with it today !!! THEN came back down - and OMG - I HAVE HAD AN EPIFINY  - and NEED to video AGAIN !!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ziwl9AHB6w - I do like to make it known what im thinking about when im ok !! And - this all makes perfect sence -

BUT - WHAT YOU DONT KNOW - IS THAT I HAD TOTALLY OVERDONE IT - AND BY THE TIME MY MUM ARRIVED AT 10.30 - I HAD STARTED TO LOOSE MY BRAIN FUNCTION !! = Mmmm - Maybe you can see or possibly understand it in the NEXT video I posted - to Facebook this time !!

https://www.facebook.com/abigail.barry/videos/10153596603525439/?pnref=story

lmao - OK - maybe it looks normal - but - all this done by 10.30am - and standing out in the rain - waiting for mum who said she was going to turn up at 10.45am ( Thank God she was early !! otherwise I would have been drenched !! )  Mmmmm - Maybe a 'little' odd !! ..... and then to stand there in the rain ( It is raining - just doesn't look it ! ) and talk into my Phone while people are walking past and dogs barking maybe explains WHY the class my illness as Psych rather than Organic - Cant say I blame em really !! lmao = BUT - I was HAPPY - at that time - Swimming gear all ready - and Off we went to meet Sarah at the Heron Swimming Pool  - 11am and she was there - on the dot !! - Way to go - that's what I like !! - Id spent about 10 minutes at the cash desk actually TRYING to wait for the guy to finish with the machine so I could pay by card - and I didn't loose my rag or anything - all perfectly normal - SHOULD HAVE KNOWN !! - I was holding it together all FAR TOO WELL !! Anyways - Mum got the Coffee's - Kids were playing BEAUTIFULLY in the pool - Tom giving Cass PiggyBacks - and Cass trying to duck him - all chatting and not too much noise - Mmmmmm - Then I heard behind us talking about the Little Theatre - Where Mum does a lot of work - and so I started listening to them - then the Juicer started going - then the Cappahino Machine - Deep Fat Fryer - then My Phone went off and scared the life out of me - I IMMEDIATELY without thinking turned it off - NOT ANSWERING IT - DONT WANT TO !!  - ( Mmmmmm Should have known !! ) Then carried on chatting to Sarah and Mutti and watching Kids - turning my head very far so I could see them ( This is always a bad move ! - always sets my head off ) Anyways - then Tom and Cass get to us - Cass arrived first - and after stories of when Sarah and Clare & Barney ( My brother ) went swimming with Clares dad and always came out late - Tom turned up - and told everyone he was starving and NEEDING FEEDING !! - lol - ok - He had cheesy Chips - ( There is nothing of him ) and Cassia hada Tuna and Salad Sarnie - Mum and I were not hungry ( I hadn't eaten at all since 6pm the night before - Just drunk Coffee - which BY THE WAY - I have tried to cut out - for three months- and just drank Mint Tea - and it made NO DIFFERENCE WHAT SO EVER !! - CAFFINE DOES NOT EFFECT ME )

Anyways = Sarah had to leave as was making dinner for Her dad - or rather Lunch - and so I thought everything going ok - and started to leave - THAST WHEN PANDAMONIUM BROKE OUT !!
It LOOKED as though Tom had Kicked Cassia - and Cass started to cry - so - Told tom off and went to comfort Cass - Tom Pleaded Ignorance and Stated that it was Cassia's fault - Mmmm - So - Why was she crying - Anyways - Cass and I walked off - Mum Started to tell Cassia off for being loud - as this would set my head off - Cassia started crying more - and maybe one or two expletives came out - Mum Told her off for this - WELL - THEN I STARTED - -I SAID IT WAS ACTUALLY TOM - AND NOT CASS THAT HAD STARTED ALL THIS AND .... BLAR BLAR BLAR - SWEAR SWEAR SHOUT SHOUT - MUM then tapped me on the arm and said SHHHHHHHHHJ - and looked around - WELL - NEVER EVER EVER DO THIS TO ME - I AM NOT IN CONTROL BY THIS POINT - AND OMFG - I WENT FOR IT = SHOUTING I DIDNT ******** GIVE A F***** s**t WHO WAS ********* WATCHING AND ******* LISTENING AND TO **********  STOP BEING **********  SO JUDGEMENTAL = and then mum just walked off - Not even a backward glance -

I was dumbfounded - Couldn't believe that she had gone and left me with the kids - argueing and I was well - GONNA KILL - So best thing I could do - was not be anywhere near anyone - SAo I told Cassia to go to the car with mum - as I knew I could NOT be in charge of a nine year old at this point - Tom had already gone with mum - and I just went - I walked - PMSL - OK OK - rather stumbled - looking drunk - through the town - my eye sight had kinda gone blurry by this point  = and I remembered I had no cash - so I went and emptied my bank account - CAUSE THATS NORMAL !!! = and Crossed the road - Cars beeping - and me telling them to F*** Off - and I went and sat at the Bus Stop - Wel - The Bus Stop That I THOUGHT was my one !! .... Waited = and another bus came to the stop just by mine - but I stayed put - My Phone Rang - a few times - and it was Tom - Where was I - etc He came and found me - But - There was NO WAY I WAS GETING INTO THE CAR WITH MUM - IF I WAS AN EMBARRASSMENT - THEN I WOULD BLOODY GET MYSELF HOME - and of course - I couldn't bloody speak by this point either - but - got my point across - and Tom is used to this - so went off and spoke to mum in the car - A BUS - YIPPEE =  Single to My House - " Wheres your house love " = ' Ohhh F*** ermm - Herne - Kinda of - up the hill - bny the old peoples home - ' - " - Ohhh I go straight to Canterbury Love " - ' WELL WHY ISNT THAT WRITTEN ON THE FUCKING BUS THEN " -" it is " - opps - He told me to get the bus behind - I Thanked him, cause im polite likie that !!! xx

I stumbled to the bus behind and asked for a Single to the stop over the bridge- past the pub - round the corner and about a minutes drive away - Through tears - The LOVELY driver said - just give me a pound love and take a seat - its not that bad - " It F****** IS " -  I said- But Thanked Him .. I sat there Bloody Phone Going - ( THATS LIFE BY F. SINATRA..... Must change that as it was a bloody farce by the time I got off !! ) Tried to talk to To on the Phone - but couldn't get words out - was quite loud - and sweary - then - crying again - a little old lady got off - and as she walked past she put her hand on my arm - SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME AND I JUMPED AND SHOUTED 'FUCK' - but smiled as she got off - she meant well = Anyway - I got to my stop - Thanked the driver who just said Good Luck - and I fell infront of the fuc**** bus !! Not right over- but I grabbed the radiator Bars of the bus which wre boiling hot - and got up - NOW MY HEAD AND MY BLOODY HAND WAS KILLING ME !! - But - No-one had seen - so all ok - Pride intact - LMFAOROTFL !

I literally stumbled home - back of head and eyes ABSOLUTELY IN AGONY - Tears - Sniffing - had to hold on to lamppost - but actualy remember that I was WELL IMPRESSED that I had got home - !! = Anyways - Got to near the corner of my street - and mum pulls up - I said No Fucking way am I getting in the F******* Car with you ever again and I walked off - ok ok - stumbled = ohh and that sentence was totally stuttered - AND I HADNT EVEN HAD A DRINK - I DEFO THINK I MAY START ......

Got home - and Mum had let herself in and was making coffee - OMFG - I WS LIVID - so - didn't want to start anything - I went upstairs - Put on my PJ's - had a wee !! ( as you do ) and got into bed - Head absolutely killing me - and I couldn't really see - everything was sooo blurry - Mum Knocked and came in - IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS I TOLD HER TO GET OUT - AND SHE WS TO NEVER SEE ME AGAIN - ( All said as if im drunk and through ridiculas tears ) IF I WAS SUCH AN EMBARRASSMENT - THEN DONT BE NEAR ME - Well -

She the started shouting at me - and ANYONE THAT KNOWS HOW THIS GOES - KNOWS - DONT - JUST DONT = I JUMPED UP - THANK GOD MUM HAD THE SENCE TO GET AWAY FROM ME - AND I JUST WENT TO THE DOOR AND LITERALLY PULLED IT OFF ITS HINGES - YEAH - THE WHOLE LOT - I WAS SCREMING AT MUM NOW - lmao - AND PLUCKING WOMAN SHE IS - SHE IS SHOUTING BACK AT ME - !! - I DID HAVE TO GIVE HER - HER DUE - SHE IS ALMOST AS FIESTY AS ME !! - BUT - I CANT AND WONT STOP - AND AS SHE SAW ME PULL THE DOOR - SHE WENT OUT THE FRONT DOOR - TELLING ME THAT THERE WAS A COFFEE ON THE SIDE AND TO TAKE A TABLET = I THINK " ***** YOU WAS MY PASSING REMARK ....... - I can see why they think im Psycho !!

Anyways - I got into bed - and that was it- I was asleep - and at 5pm Cassia phoned and woke me up - id been asleep 5 hours - straight off - My head was throbbing and I couldn't talk - but I was calmer - I txt mum and Tom and Cass - and they came over -

Chatted to Mum after Laughing and Being in Hysterics at An Idiot Abroad - and I think she can now see how I can go INTO ONE and OUT OF ONE so  so quickly - I cant allow it to take over my life - so - yeah ok - I have my 'Storms' ( Literally only happened because I had taken in far to much info and my head couldn't cope ) and as soon as I come out of it - IM ME AGAIN - AS IN THE VIDEOS - Other people cant switch as quickly as I can - and as Mum said - she isn't superwoman - If you have someone SCREAMING BLUE MURDER AT YOU - you are going to retaliate = and I do totally understand that - BUT - I CANT LET IT MAKE ME MOPE ABOUT AND BE UPSET THAT I TREATED HER AND THE KIDS AND THE BUS DRIVER SO BADLY - If I did do that - Id be admitting I had control over it- WHICH I DONT = But - I did apologise and Paid for dinner - and lunch and well - lamo - im loaded now as I have emptied my bank so - COFFEE IS ON ME !!

Now they have gone home - 8pm - They are ABSOLUTELY EXHAUTED = MUM EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY SHATTERED = and im up and awake and Blogging, Gogle'ing, YouTubing, Facebooking and everything - as my head is now on a roll and im totally hyper, MYSELF ?? - I don't know - Maybe a little bit OTT to be totally myself -  ........... at 11.19pm - SUCH FUN ......

That was a NORMAL day in the life of a PITUITARY BRAIN TUMOUR SUFFERER = easy for everyone hey !

MONDAY MONDAY - WITH A PITUITARY BRAIN TUMOUR -

MONDAY MONDAY - WITH A PITUITARY BRAIN TUMOUR -


MMmmmmmmmmm - well - todays been different - I woke to Mr Tennant Saying " Wake Up, Wake Up, This is David Tennant TELLING you to GET UP, GEEETTTTT UPPPPPPPP " - I replied - " - Ohhh David - Just a few more minutes - ! - To which Cassia ( who had snuck in beside me started having HYSTERICS and asked why i was talking to my Alarm ! It didnt get much better !!

I decided a Waft of Freebreeze WAS NOT GOING to do the trick today - so i HAD TO SHOWER !! = OMG = This is easier said than done - AND - I decided that i was going to wear the new clothes that i Ordered off Simply Be - and arrived saturday - but i hadnt wor them - so - PERFECT !! - i will wear them today- BUT - a pair of shorts - and thing could be living in the hairs on my legs atm - so I NEEDED TO SHAVE !!

Firstly bending down - When your me - and when you have a Brain Tumour - Is NOT a good thing = It HURTS and it messes with your head - lmao - totally - makes you think your places where your not- and makes you giddy - and makes you think your falling - so - im afraid i did yelp quite a few times - god knows what the neighbours think - BUT - as the shorts arnt too short - I just went to knee length !! - Then - I tried to get in the shower - lmao - as i shave my legs - one at a time - balanced percariously on the side of the bath = In i Got - Lost bearings and one foot slipped = BOLLOX !! = Nooooooo - I dont have any - Thats what i shouted rather loudly - To which Cassia replied - " Ohhh Mum - You havnt wee'd in your onesie again have you ! - and then burst into laughter, again, ALWAYS at my expence !! Anyways - all good - i didnt slip over and i didnt come to any harm - BUT - By now my arms were hurting from doing too much - ( lmao - yeah yeah - i mean too much is just shaving my legs - The movement physically wears me out some days - and others i could Shave the whole Of Ravensbourne Ave and not worry- Although = Maybe this wouldnt be a good idea - as they might not be too impressed !! Esp Dave next door !!

Anyways - Not enough energy to wash my hair - so i just washed everywhere else - and had a good old scrub down - lmao - ohhhh thats not very feminine is it - lmao - but - well - Cleanliness is next to godliness - so im told - so - I NEEDED A SCRUB !! - pmsl - Does that makes sence to ANYONE apart from me !! ?? !! ok ok - All done - out the bath - no triping over - dried - moisturised - talced - dressed - came down and FLIPPED !! - SPECTACULARLY !! ( Ohh i do so wish i had spell check - ok - i wish i KNEW HOW TO USE SPELL CHECK !! )  Bt - You know what i mean !! .....

Screamed at the ex ( Who stays in his own bedroom downstairs because i cant be left with the kids - lmao or on my own for too long really !! ) for going away today - first time in 20 years - and he is off to Ibiza - Im staying here with the kids - and mum is taking kids afternoons and evening / nights - cause if they kick off - I KICK OFF - and i CANT control myself AT ALL, SO I START CLEANING - and screaming that he can leave the house in the mess it was in ( Just plates in the stand to be put away - and a load of washing in the machine !! Then i fed cats and dog- and cleaned everything with anti bacterial !! =  .... so safer for everyone for them to be there - otherwise if i got like that - id end up washing them in anti bac too !!

 ... and yeah - i feel totally useless and if truth be known suicidal daily becuase of that - and becuase i cant do the things i used to be able to do - i mean too much is  - a shower and getting dressed and JUST THAT caused my head to flip !! - BLOODY RIDICULAS ! and makes me sooo mad -
I can take tablets and Calm down within about 30 mins = but - within that 30 mins - i may have phoned people and screamed at everyone - and said things that NO-ONE SHOULD EVER SAY TO ANYONE - LET ALONE THEIR OWN CHILDREN - It makes me so so so helpless and depressed - BUT IM NOT GOING TO LET IT BLOODY BEAT ME - when im ME - I am LOVELY !!! = lmao

Anyways - Mum turned up - as i phoned her  SCREAMING that i was going to knife someone ( Not that i would - BUT - i cant be 100% certain ) and she made a cup of tea ( ewwwwwwwwwwwwww GREEN TEA - yuk yuk yuk ) and i had a coffee - Id already downed my 5th Diazepam of the day = and on my 4th Paracetamol !! - to calm my head - It did kinda work - I just sat and drank coffee - ermm - i cant actualy remember what else happened - apart from Alan saying he had JUST booked a Flight / inclusive Hotel / and Car to Ibiza for £400 till sat - YEAH - LOVELY - and i cant even take a fucking shower without being in Agony !!!! - pmsl - I KNOW - I KNOW ITS NOT HIS FAULT - bt i do get so jealous ! ...

Anyways - we went and took him to his mums - and went on to the University of Kent - lmao - Nooooooooooooooooooo Not to enroll the kids early - but apparently - ( ohhh No apparently about it actually - its there !! ) There is a Big LONDON EYE type thing there - but - same as always - we go on the day it is shut !! =

 https://www.kent.ac.uk/50/celebrate/events/2014/sept/24.html

So instead - we went to Wether spoons in Canterbury ( as i could only walk from the Car Park to there - I just couldnt make it any further today - Just sooo tired ) Had a Jacket Potato - and coffee - and it came to about a £5 for everyone - so that was ok - then came out of there - after a few rucktions - and now my head was starting to disorientate again - and my eyes became blurrry and ohhh just pressure at the back of my bloody head - AND I WANTED MILK AND BREAD !! - went to Sainsburies on the corner - and OMG Everyone and their mother was in their = and My mother - and both kids decided to come in a follow me about - WELL - That drives me insain - I picked up a loaf of bread THAT I WANTED !! = Grainery wholemeal - BUT - mum wanted the Batch loaf - FFS - OK OK _ We'll get what you want !! - ( YES IT WAS A HUGE DEAL - NO OVER EXAGGERATION - ANYTHING SETS ME OFF !! - and mum wanting this bread - and not the one I wanted - well - that was it !! ) I stomped to the checkout - PAID - and stomped out !! - Then was followed out by the Security guard - and mum n Tom ( Cass was with me ! ) Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME ......... Well - he put something iin the bin and went back inside - THANK GOD I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING !

Anyways - walked back t the car feeling A SHIT MOTHER / DAUGHTER / SHOPPER / SPENDER / CANTERBURY VISITOR / SUN WORSHIPER / NEW SHORT WEARER / AND KITTEN OWNER - as i didnt go into the Pet shop on the opposite corner to Sainsburies to get Del n Rodney a little something !! and then got in the car - and for some unforeseen reason - the fucking seatbelt wouldnt fit - and OMG - THIS SENT ME OVER THE EDGE - SWEARING SHOUTING - THE LOT - and of course mum - bless her - is looking round and EVERYONE is looking - and i couldnt give a shit !! - BUT SHE OBVIOUSLY CAN - and is trying to tell me to calm down and stop swearing and just relax - Well - When you have my Head - ALL these things are USELESS - and i cant do anything quietly !! - and TELL ME TO BE QUIET - and OHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - I WILL NOT !!! - I make it very known that imm NOT a happy Bunny ! , THEN start crying !! pmsl - Head in a Rage - another diazepam downed - ( so easy to pill  up without water now days !! ) and i sat there - in tears - sniffing - with mum occasionally pointing out points of interest to the kids - If anyone had looked it - omg - it would have been hysterical !

Anyways TOTALLY suicidal by now - thinking im gonna jump out of the car - But - Ohh no thats not good cause it would scare the kids for life - then i thought its ok - i have 24 Paracetamol i just bought, about 6 Ibruprofen, 4 codene things - and i have at least 20 Diazepam - THAT SHOULD DO IT ..... WHEN I GET HOME - Got home - after mum wondering out loud why the 'Share and Coluter' Pub hasnt shut down as it looked terrible - PMSL - and then i walked in and OMG THE KITTENS HAD USED THEIR TRAY - QUITE A FEW TIMES - !! - Cleaned that out - Mum n the Kids left as i was kinda shouting rather alot - I then went upstairs to clean - AS YOU DO - packed for cass and i did make toms bed even tho he HATES me going in his room - I also wacked in a load of washing, and cleaned the cats x 3 more times - OHH MY LIVING GOD - WHERE AND HOW DO THEY PRODUCE SO MUCH !! = Anyways - then forgot what i was doing - and came on YouTube - and made a Video - or two = and then started and now finished this blog - OMG - WHATA DAY SO FAR !!! - and its only 4pm !!! Head Killing me - but sight is back - and im not suicidal anymore !! YIPPEEEEEE !! - FOR NOW !! pmsl

Thats me - for the Moment - OVER AND OUT !!! xxx

BACK SOON XXX

How My Tuesday went with a Pituitary Brain Tumour !

omg - this is tooooo insain - LMAO AND IM NOT INSAIN !! - IVE BEEN TOLD !!

 

I went to bed last night after not being able to remember how to turn the fecking TV on - well - I knew how to turn it on - but not how to work the bloody remote thingy to get the sky on and change channel - so - well that' set me up for a Storm - I Told all the Animals they were Parasites and they shouldn't think that im doing everything for them - and NO Derek - I DONT WANT ANOTHER BLOODY CUDDLE - I didn't care how cute he was being or how purry he was ( Is Purry a word ?? ) I was having none of his attention - PeggatyPawz sat and watched with her sorrowful eyes - and that made me feel even worse thinking I couldn't give her the attention she wanted and I was making her bloody depressed - THEN Rodney sat there and just started going Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - then put a bloody paw on my leg - its something out of a bloody film it really is - and all the time im shouting at them that they are burdens and I cant deal with their constant attention seeking and I will either have to have them all put down - or sent to the shelter - OMFG I SAID THIS OUT LOUD TO THEM - which made me cry even more .....

Then Mum txt to say she was coming over AFTER COOL TRICKS - AS IT WAS A GOOD ONE !!and as I hadn't replied and she was worried - I replied to say I hadn't got a txt  and I was ok and she watch the TV - EVEN THO I WAS BLOODY FURIOUS AND FELT AS THOUGH I HAD NO-ONE - I didn't want to Burden her - as she has Dad - who has Parkinsons and im so very worried - and omfg im off again, anyway after about 5 texts and two calls that I wouldn't take as I was too upset - I explained that I was going to go to bed - and id txt her in the morning !!

I go upto bed - after letting PeggatyPawz out, and filling her water up, OMG She is drinking loads so that probably means she is in liver / kidney failure and gonna kark it soon - crying all over again =  then cleaning the cats out for the millionth time today - feeding them for the 100th and ok - I did give them a kiss of the head each - but they knew I wasn't happy - and they were not  now as they both had wet heads !!

Up I went - and remembered that I hadn't checked the bloody water for the cats - so down I go and ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im sure derek escaped - but - none too sure - I watered them - and went upstairs - cleaned my teeth - washed my face and sprayed WHAT I THOUGHT was deodorant - IT WAS BLOODY SHAVING FOAM - ok - now im in floods again - and smelling lemony fresh = ITS NOT FUNNY ...... Got into bed and checked phone - Nothing from either kids - No good night or anything - They were at Bingo - and having a fab time without me - WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - Off again ! ffs 0 I drive myself mad !! Then - Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - Chirp = OHHHHHHH DEREK - YOU LITTLE SHIT - " BRRRR he said " YOU DID ESCAPE - I grabbed him - and stormed downstairs to put him with Rodney = He kissed my arm - Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh love him - Kissed his head and put him on sofa - and shut the door - STORMED BACK UPSTAIRS AGAIN .... Back in bed - 9pm - FFS Kids and Ex away - and I only got up at 5pm - and im back in bloody bed again - I should be out partying or - at least DOING SOMETHING - yet im exhausted !!

I check my phone, NOTHING, and go to sleep - I actually drift off immediately - which I don't usually do - ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ - BLOODY WAKE MYSELF UP BY SNORING !!! - ohhh sod off - like you don't snore ! anyways - get up have a wee - back to bed - quick drink as so thirsty = and then straight to sleep again !!

5am - Crying - No-one needs me - No-one wants me - Im never going to get a Boyfriend - because im scatty and bloody ill - Always going to be alone - AND I HATE BEING ALONE - and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa im off again - deep deep low - so I get up - make the bed - shower - put on clothes - come downstairs - put on make up - feed cats and dog - let dog out - - make a coffee - clean litter tray - GAG - and then what do I do make a youtube video - as you do !!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r69QvZztv4E

Then I go on Facebook, add a few replies to peoples comments and status's - al normal - and not upsetting etc - cause I hate to make people realise how SHIT I feel !! = I  drink coffee, Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh quick tweet - and Google+ update - Then Ohh I MUST Hoover and MOP the floors !! - OF COURSE YOU MUST DO THIS AT 6.30AM !! My poor neighbours - so - OMG Cat litter tray again - this is now the third time THIS MORNING !! - Put Bin out as it is bin day - once again - sorry neighbours for the noise - but the bin was heavy and I ran over my foot ...... Came back in - wet - as it was raining and im in a strappy top and trouswers today - not really wet weather gear - but - IF YOU WEAR SUNNY STUFF - THE SUN WILL COME OUT - ....... OHH YES IT WILL - and omg - CAT LITTER TRAY AGAIN - This is ridiculas = Im gonna have to stop feeding them - Hoover AGAIN - as Derek decided he needed to cover the entire front room with litter - JUST TO COVER UP THE BLOODY SMELL - and then omg - I throw airwick insence all over myself - NOT ON PURPOSE YOU DOPE ! - I spilt it by mistake - so - for the next 60 days im gonna smell of Freeshia and Vanilla - NICE !

Now I decide to make ANOTHER YOUTUBE video - to show the difference in me now !!! - OMG- I WENT ON FOR ABOUT 7 MINUTES !!! I can talk when I want too !! Well - when its about me !!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hT_oh6QB7UY

Back to Facebook and had a lovely lovely message from a great friend - well - she wasn't great - but she is now - pmsl - ohhh you know what I mean - she has always been a friend - since Cassia been at school - but we have only recently started talking properly - and now - omg - ohhh im gonna copy and paste her message as it was soo lovely ...............................................

"Morning Just watched your vid.. Don't you dare think that people don't need you that's so not true! Cassia and Tom need their mum no matter what you're going through please just cling to that! I know this is just one of storms and you'll be ok later. You're very much loved Hun not just by your children and family. I think you're an amazing woman I really do! I still think you should write that book! It would be a best seller! Xxx"

 

 

HOW LOVELY WAS THAT !! . ......... Sophie Fowler - I love you dearly - and you should have recognition for being an amazing friend ! - THANK YOU !! Many people don't bother to watch my videos - and cant be arse to comment - ok ok - not cant be arse - but PEOPLE ARE TOO BUSY - I get that - BUT - If people are feeling bad - I always ask after them - and im always first to get in touch - I don't understand the mentality of some people - ok - maybe I just have too much time on my hands and think too much !

 

Anyway - omg - I watch a video on facebook - once again I will put it here - so you can see my sort of sence of humour

 

https://www.facebook.com/Lads.Only.Page/videos/1620589581532076/?pnref=story

 

OMG - THIS HAD ME IN HYSTERICS - TOTALY AND UTTERLY TEARS STREAMING DOWN FACE LAUGHING -

 

and then I started thinking of what Sophie said - and well - here is my thoughts - and ok - maybe I will make it into a book !! = lmao - don't think it will outsell 50 shades tho - AND OMG - IVE STILL NOT BEEN ABLE TO WATCH IT AS I CANT WORK THE BLOODY MACHINE !! PMSL - MR GREY - WAIT FOR ME !! ;)

 

Now im Hungry as I didn't eat last night - ohh yes- I had half a jacket potato - now IM STARVING !! - so wil have a yogurt and another coffee - Mum wil be around after she takes Reg to the vets to check on his leg ( He just had it repinned after a road traffic accident ) and then we may or may not go out for coffee - not sure yet !!

 

 

but I 'll be back !!! ;)

 

 

GLAMPING - ROAST DINNERS - ABILAND & A BRAIN TUMOUR !

GLAMPING - ROAST DINNERS - ABILAND & A  BRAIN TUMOUR !

OMG = I havnt / don't seem to have done this for ages and ages !! - I suppose I could just look back nd - erm - look - but well - THATS TOO EASY !! =

 

hellooooooooooo and I hope you lot have had a fabulous day - ive been sat on the computer since 11am - lmao - now - WHATS THE TIME ?? ........................................
OMG ITS 6.35pm - That's mad !! = No coffee - no wee - no NUFFINK !! Must let the dog out - HANG ON 2 SECS !

PHEW- That was a race for the Dogs area - By the dog - not by me - Bless her - she is soooo good - She came over about 1 hour ago and asked to go out- but it just didn't click that she wanted to !! Love her - so she has been holding it all that time - AND AFTER GRANDADS ROAST !! -- No-one can usually hold ANYTHING after one of Grandads Roasts !! = Because they are soo nice- and we eat far too much ! _ Not because we are gonna chuck it up or something !! - except the gravy - if they had given me gravy I may have Gagged just a little ;) !! Anyway - ALL RELAXED AND FREE OF .... OK OK - WE SHALL STICK TO RELAXED !! ;) !!

Well I have the house to myself for the next four days - Alan ( The EX ) has taken Tom and Cass ( Who I took THE MOST BEAUTIFUL pictures of at the weekend - Posted below ) to a Haven Campsite = complete with new £250 tent that sleeps 14 ??????? - why 14 - I don't know- but - that means they can also take the PortaLoo, Campbeds, Stove, and ohh bloody Kitchen Sink - More like Glamping I guess !!

But they were all very excited - Im not going because of the people - pmsl - Not the Type of Person - But the amount of people = Due to my head I have great difficulty listening to just one convo - and I find that I HAVE to listen to everyone !!! - and stare - and maybe even intervene if they say the wrong thing !! - That or I will find a table at the café bit and just sit there in tears - pmsl - for no reason - Or - If anyone is outside the tent and makes a noise - WOE BETIDE THEM -

Just sat gone I was outside at 3pm being told by Alan that it was OK for the guy 2 doors down to rev his Jet Boat Engine as it wasn't late and he was doing no harm - WEL - TO ME HE BLOODY WAS - AND I WAS GOING TO TELL HIM SO - so - I put my Sandles on - ( I had on my Bright Multicoloured Short and tight top and VERY Short Tight NEON PINK Leggings - that I use as PJ's - as its been so warm - and proceeded to STRUTT over to his garden - now- that's where things went a little wrong - as it wasn't who I thought it was - but the nice ladies husband - and that kinda stopped me in my tracks - enough for Alan to catch up with me - Tom and Mum standing at the door - and try to calm me down - BUT - if you had just been woken by this bloody boat - ( For the fifth time in a week ) you'd have been a bit peeved too - so - theres me standing in the middle of the street - dressed well - like nothing ANYONE has ever seen before - and theres Alan Holding up his hand to the guy ( who is actually built like a brick shit house ) who smiled and CARRIED ON - omfg - " HE IS DOING THIS ON PURPOSE AND DOING IT TO WIND ME UP ! " -  Top of my voice - the bloke stopped - Alan waved at him again, to stay put, Frankly if he had come near I think I may have rugby tackled him to the floor and sat on him - Im GLARING and shouting that his behaviour is NOT ACCEPTABLE in the lovely street where we live ( ohhhh SHUT UP !! I KNOW !! ) AND eventually Alan made me go back in the house - I downed 5 Diazepam - and sat crying - Because I HADNT told him how bloody rude he was to do that - and if he wanted to play with his engine then to go to a boat yard - now if it had been who I thought it was - ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sparks im sure would have flown !! Anyways - came home and calmed down - Ohhh 5 is all im allowed in a day ( BUT if bad I am allowed to self medicate ! )  - I was on my 14th of the day by that time - so I should have known I wasn't QUITE RIGHT !!! Anyway - by the time Alan went on his merry way to the bloody pub ( The devils parlour ;) !! ) I had calmed down and ws looking forward to an evening with the parents and kids ............... Anyway - ive gone off one one - I tend to do this a lot - bear with me while I remember what I was talking about !! ...

Ohhh yes- Why I havnt gone Camping with The Ex and the kids - so for the afore mentioned reasons - and the fact that noise / lights / people / over stimulation sets my head into either anger/sorrow or Utter hysteria - I thought It best I stay with the Kittens and Dog !! So anyways - I packed yesterday - just after Alan had gone out saying he was back at 5pm to pack - ( I knew full well that he wasn't going to be - as when he starts drinking - he cant stop - BUT - poor bloke - living with me - you cant really blame him !!! ) I have BANNED ALL ALCOHOL from the house and OMG mum came in with a tincy bottle of Brown Brothers Merlot - a delicious full bodied red with taste of Redcurrent, Plum and Cassis = well - I turned her round and walked it out of the house !! - NOPE - IF ALAN ISNT ALLOWED TO DRINK HERE - NEITHER IS ANYONE - ID BE A HYPOCRITE TO ALLOW IT - ( ....................... DONT BE RUDE !! )  My Poor Mother - Good as gold - completely understood - even tho I know she muttered that alan wasn't here and the kids should see responsible drinking !! - BUT - She did take it back to the car - lol - and probably downed it there !! ;) - NO SHE DIDNT JOKE !!!

MUTTI & DAD WAITING PATIENTLY !!

Anyways - Dad kept saying that the Roast wasn't getting hot ( he had already cooked most of it at his house ) and asked me to come and look - well - I looked and looked - and said yeah that's ok - just gotta wait - half hour later - still no better - and im thinking - OMG - I KNEW THEY WERE GETTING OLDER BUT THIS IS RIDICULAS - now mum is getting hungry - and she gets NASTY when she is hungry - ROGERRRRRRRR - and he - as good as anything - eyes to heaven - YES  MICHELLE = This oven isn't hot still - YOU SAID IT WAS HOT - WHAT HAVE YOU DONE - pmsl - so out he went and had another look - still not hot - so me - Being me - went out - looked as hard as I could - Nope - its all fine - YOU JUST HAVE TO WAIT ..... and went and sat down - chatting and talking - then dad got up and said - just go and putting the Yorkshires in - He got there and OMG - ITS STILL NOT HOT - well - I almost smashed the f'ing door - that decided to shut - and went to the cooker - SURE that they had done something - OHHH BOLLOX - THE MIDDLE TIMER WASNT ON - PMSL - NOTHING WORKS WITHOUT THAT - well - I turned it - and PING - LIGHTS CAMERA ACTION - everything on !!!! = opps !!!

" THATS WHY I DONT COOK ANYTHING !!!! - I CAN NEVER REMEMBER HOW TO OPERATE STUFF - AND WHEN I DO, I BLOODY BURN IT, BECAUSE I GET DISTRACTED !  !! "

ANYWAYS 10 mins later it was on the table and delicious - and omg - I have digressed again !! = Im such a nightmare - and I have forgotton what I was talking bout - hang on !!

OHHHH GLAMPING = - Yes - so - that's why I havnt gone !!! = IM A NIGHTMARE - THATS WHY !! - So tomorrow and Weds - I have mum in the morning - go for coffee - then back home for Kitten and Dog duties and I may have a go at the garden - pmsl - if I remember !!

The only other thing I have done this week is carried on a GROUP that Cassia has started for me on facebook = well - not really started for me - but - just started !!! = love her- She called it Unicorns !! - and I have re-named it AbiLand and Dave the Unicorn ( For those that want to know more - read my blog Abiland ! ) - In the group I have JUST the people who have been in Abiland with me from the beginning - and they are posting all lovely stuff - and positivity etc - im posting ermmm - stories about Abiland !! - I shall give you a few snippets of MY POSTS  !!

"
Anger Stormed about 1 hour ago - killed two wooden rhinos which I had thrown - whoops = worth a bit too - but - mainly because the ex is a fucking twat and thinks its ok to be OTT nice to me this morning abd now go out now to the carnival which begins at 6pm and play Fifa with a bloke he met down the pub - drinking - while Cassia sits and well - sits - so PegatyPawz, Derek, Rodney Dave and I are off to Abiland - and we may well Stay there for the duration -
It will be calm ...and peaceful there - and may well help myself to some of the chocolate off the Chocolate tree, and mmmm ok first I may have a granary bread bacon sarnie - yummy - and STUFF THE FUCKING LETTUCE ! - ohh and lashings and lashings of Elderflower sparkling water - !! Then I think I will go for a HIGH speed fly on Donald the Flying Hybrid Griffin - and we shall sour among the trees and low down over the lake and touch out toes in the warm water - after that we will all go for a DVD evening with a Hijacked ( shhhhhhh don't tell anyone im doing this ) David Tennant ( Derek the x Ogre is gonna help me lure DT away ) and then we are gonna sit and reinact 50 shades - !! = pmsl NOT DEREK AND I - DT AND I ) OK -- no we wont - we will chat and just be civilised and eat brownies and stroke the pussy- OHHH BEHAVE = Then = sleep after a quick dip in the pool at midnight under the dancing moon and glorious pixie elfs singing their songs !! lovely xxxx
"

"
Morning one and all, the sun is out and DAVES about !!! Gona take a walk down to the flower garden today and think of installing a waterslide, you know a skiddy one, think that could be fun, would also like to turn the dining room in the main house into a mega big ball pit ?? A colourful one, not like that yuppie one in London where all the balls are white that's plain boring, and maybe get a sprinkler installed that pelts us with aromatherapy oils every few minutes,Then we don't need to bathe!!!! Whew whew !! Yeah defo thinking of that, ohhhhh and the loo needs a revamp its boring in there ........"

"OMG - Dave and I were walk thing throught the red rain forest this morning and ffs - look what I stumbled upon - Adam - Did you have anything to do with this ?? - I cant remember getting it here - and I think it defo means that cecil - the Griffin would have had to fly it here - and that means you have been feeding him Ferrets AGAIN Adam - and THATS NOT ACCEPTABLE = I havnt yet gone behind the door - but there are two furry Lemurs by the door - and im sure I heard one speak - ...AND NO - I DIDNT BLOODY TRUST IT - Now - if it had been pink - or perhaps purple - I would have felt more inclined to befriend this cute lil scrap - but - Mmmmm Black is a tad worrying - and if Adam is involved - ANYTHING could happen = so - anyways - I have Mapped where this door is - and am going to go back - Dave was fine all the time btw - he didn't wanna go in anyway - her was far too busy worrying about watering the Tiger Flowers - in The creek as last time he was there they were so thirsty they started meowing and raurrring at him and he got a tad worried = So - we are off there now - But - all fine here atm - Kids are off with Alan at the Slopes for the Fun Fair - and I have just removed the cage from the front room - ( THE KITTENS CAGE - NOT ALANS !! ) and cleaned up - and have done a video for YouTube - so - all hunky dorey here !!! Hope you lot are all good xx
"

well - theres three posts I have done so far - its not been up and running long - so gonna take a while to establish and get used to posting stuff - esp as I havnt been so hot recently !!!

Anyways - Think now I deserve a coffee as I have done a Video for my YouTube Channel - and posted on twitter and Google+ - next its Pinterest - gotta go on there and wack a few pins on my boards !! I LOVE THAT APP !!!

https://www.pinterest.com/ - In the search button - put Abigail Barry !!
https://twitter.com/ - @abigailbarry1
https://plus.google.com/+AbigailBarryUNIQUEBBW/posts

ok - that's me - over and out !! ... Back Soon !! - COMMENTS VERY VERY WELCOME !!

Omg, this is too exciting. A new 'thing' on fb that I have found!! What sort of stuff can I put here?? Mmmmmmm ohhh silly cow my thoughts !
My thoughts atm, which is 11:32pm, sat in bed, alone, Derek n Rodney in the front room as it was too exciting for them to have the run of the house, and I'm lying here, window wide open, breeze blowing beautifully as I sit n wonder if anyone will want to be with ME?
Ok, that's deep for many, but a question everyone is saying YES too, but, even though I'm confident, funny, positive n down to earth, I am also actually quite ill n need, not a carer, but someone to understand what happens when your brain stops !! Easier said than done, someone who is patient, easy going, and attentive, as omg, I like a chat, AT ANY TIME !!
Or have I gone the last 20 years being with a 'Friend' n will I never experience spark n Love ?? I don't think I could cope with that. I don't want to be alone, I'm to social. Id end up being the local nutty cat / animal woman who shouts at people if they are rude, or horrible to animals or old people or people of a different sexual orientation.. I mean rude to any of those three groups, that's what makes me mad.
Is it too much too think about?, I know its not my usual style of writing, but I don't have anyone I feel I can say this too, so by writing it down, will it get it off my chest ? Ok ok, my very ample chest should be able to deal with this little thing, but going your whole life without being loved ( by a partner ) that's a horrible horrible feeling, n one I don't really want to live with....
Wow, this is deep for me!! N not funny, n I DONT LIKE IT !!! I wanna be me again, the ME I have grown into after discovering that I am actually ill n not putting IT on or trying to get attention!! Because, believe it or believe me not, I LOVE WHO I AM NOW, I'm confident, funnier than anyone I know without meaning to be, unique, and tbh u don't care what people think or say about the way I dress or my hair or tattoos, because, for once, I'm ME ....
Ok ok people get embarrassed if I get to loud, or swear, but I don't find me offensive, n I'm not hurting anyone, I don't take micky out of anyone INTENTIONALLY and my thought processes are my own , so that has to be a good thing surely??
People are just so judgemental, n I hate it, I try to be myself and I am still quietened down, but why ?? I'm not hurting anyone, n if I get to loud I usually apologise anyway, people shouldn't be so quickly passing judgement on others, because those others have often FAR BIGGER DEALINGS TO SORT OUT THEMSELVES.
So, stand up for what you believe in and sod the consequences AS LONG AS YOUR HURTING NO-ONE..
And its true, I was thinking today, .my religion isn't the norm, n its not what I was bought up to believe in ie Catholicism, but my own religion. DO AS YOU WOULD BE DONE BY............ Stick with that , and you can't go far wrong ... OMG 30 Minutes of my thoughts, and I've no idea where this goes !!! We shall see,
THATS ALL FOLKS !!