MMmmmmmmmmm - well - todays been different - I woke to Mr Tennant Saying " Wake Up, Wake Up, This is David Tennant TELLING you to GET UP, GEEETTTTT UPPPPPPPP " - I replied - " - Ohhh David - Just a few more minutes - ! - To which Cassia ( who had snuck in beside me started having HYSTERICS and asked why i was talking to my Alarm ! It didnt get much better !!
I decided a Waft of Freebreeze WAS NOT GOING to do the trick today - so i HAD TO SHOWER !! = OMG = This is easier said than done - AND - I decided that i was going to wear the new clothes that i Ordered off Simply Be - and arrived saturday - but i hadnt wor them - so - PERFECT !! - i will wear them today- BUT - a pair of shorts - and thing could be living in the hairs on my legs atm - so I NEEDED TO SHAVE !!
Firstly bending down - When your me - and when you have a Brain Tumour - Is NOT a good thing = It HURTS and it messes with your head - lmao - totally - makes you think your places where your not- and makes you giddy - and makes you think your falling - so - im afraid i did yelp quite a few times - god knows what the neighbours think - BUT - as the shorts arnt too short - I just went to knee length !! - Then - I tried to get in the shower - lmao - as i shave my legs - one at a time - balanced percariously on the side of the bath = In i Got - Lost bearings and one foot slipped = BOLLOX !! = Nooooooo - I dont have any - Thats what i shouted rather loudly - To which Cassia replied - " Ohhh Mum - You havnt wee'd in your onesie again have you ! - and then burst into laughter, again, ALWAYS at my expence !! Anyways - all good - i didnt slip over and i didnt come to any harm - BUT - By now my arms were hurting from doing too much - ( lmao - yeah yeah - i mean too much is just shaving my legs - The movement physically wears me out some days - and others i could Shave the whole Of Ravensbourne Ave and not worry- Although = Maybe this wouldnt be a good idea - as they might not be too impressed !! Esp Dave next door !!
Anyways - Not enough energy to wash my hair - so i just washed everywhere else - and had a good old scrub down - lmao - ohhhh thats not very feminine is it - lmao - but - well - Cleanliness is next to godliness - so im told - so - I NEEDED A SCRUB !! - pmsl - Does that makes sence to ANYONE apart from me !! ?? !! ok ok - All done - out the bath - no triping over - dried - moisturised - talced - dressed - came down and FLIPPED !! - SPECTACULARLY !! ( Ohh i do so wish i had spell check - ok - i wish i KNEW HOW TO USE SPELL CHECK !! ) Bt - You know what i mean !! .....
Screamed at the ex ( Who stays in his own bedroom downstairs because i cant be left with the kids - lmao or on my own for too long really !! ) for going away today - first time in 20 years - and he is off to Ibiza - Im staying here with the kids - and mum is taking kids afternoons and evening / nights - cause if they kick off - I KICK OFF - and i CANT control myself AT ALL, SO I START CLEANING - and screaming that he can leave the house in the mess it was in ( Just plates in the stand to be put away - and a load of washing in the machine !! Then i fed cats and dog- and cleaned everything with anti bacterial !! = .... so safer for everyone for them to be there - otherwise if i got like that - id end up washing them in anti bac too !!
I can take tablets and Calm down within about 30 mins = but - within that 30 mins - i may have phoned people and screamed at everyone - and said things that NO-ONE SHOULD EVER SAY TO ANYONE - LET ALONE THEIR OWN CHILDREN - It makes me so so so helpless and depressed - BUT IM NOT GOING TO LET IT BLOODY BEAT ME - when im ME - I am LOVELY !!! = lmao
Anyways - Mum turned up - as i phoned her SCREAMING that i was going to knife someone ( Not that i would - BUT - i cant be 100% certain ) and she made a cup of tea ( ewwwwwwwwwwwwww GREEN TEA - yuk yuk yuk ) and i had a coffee - Id already downed my 5th Diazepam of the day = and on my 4th Paracetamol !! - to calm my head - It did kinda work - I just sat and drank coffee - ermm - i cant actualy remember what else happened - apart from Alan saying he had JUST booked a Flight / inclusive Hotel / and Car to Ibiza for £400 till sat - YEAH - LOVELY - and i cant even take a fucking shower without being in Agony !!!! - pmsl - I KNOW - I KNOW ITS NOT HIS FAULT - bt i do get so jealous ! ...
Anyways - we went and took him to his mums - and went on to the University of Kent - lmao - Nooooooooooooooooooo Not to enroll the kids early - but apparently - ( ohhh No apparently about it actually - its there !! ) There is a Big LONDON EYE type thing there - but - same as always - we go on the day it is shut !! =
https://www.kent.ac.uk/50/celebrate/events/2014/sept/24.html
So instead - we went to Wether spoons in Canterbury ( as i could only walk from the Car Park to there - I just couldnt make it any further today - Just sooo tired ) Had a Jacket Potato - and coffee - and it came to about a £5 for everyone - so that was ok - then came out of there - after a few rucktions - and now my head was starting to disorientate again - and my eyes became blurrry and ohhh just pressure at the back of my bloody head - AND I WANTED MILK AND BREAD !! - went to Sainsburies on the corner - and OMG Everyone and their mother was in their = and My mother - and both kids decided to come in a follow me about - WELL - That drives me insain - I picked up a loaf of bread THAT I WANTED !! = Grainery wholemeal - BUT - mum wanted the Batch loaf - FFS - OK OK _ We'll get what you want !! - ( YES IT WAS A HUGE DEAL - NO OVER EXAGGERATION - ANYTHING SETS ME OFF !! - and mum wanting this bread - and not the one I wanted - well - that was it !! ) I stomped to the checkout - PAID - and stomped out !! - Then was followed out by the Security guard - and mum n Tom ( Cass was with me ! ) Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME ......... Well - he put something iin the bin and went back inside - THANK GOD I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING !
Anyways - walked back t the car feeling A SHIT MOTHER / DAUGHTER / SHOPPER / SPENDER / CANTERBURY VISITOR / SUN WORSHIPER / NEW SHORT WEARER / AND KITTEN OWNER - as i didnt go into the Pet shop on the opposite corner to Sainsburies to get Del n Rodney a little something !! and then got in the car - and for some unforeseen reason - the fucking seatbelt wouldnt fit - and OMG - THIS SENT ME OVER THE EDGE - SWEARING SHOUTING - THE LOT - and of course mum - bless her - is looking round and EVERYONE is looking - and i couldnt give a shit !! - BUT SHE OBVIOUSLY CAN - and is trying to tell me to calm down and stop swearing and just relax - Well - When you have my Head - ALL these things are USELESS - and i cant do anything quietly !! - and TELL ME TO BE QUIET - and OHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - I WILL NOT !!! - I make it very known that imm NOT a happy Bunny ! , THEN start crying !! pmsl - Head in a Rage - another diazepam downed - ( so easy to pill up without water now days !! ) and i sat there - in tears - sniffing - with mum occasionally pointing out points of interest to the kids - If anyone had looked it - omg - it would have been hysterical !
Anyways TOTALLY suicidal by now - thinking im gonna jump out of the car - But - Ohh no thats not good cause it would scare the kids for life - then i thought its ok - i have 24 Paracetamol i just bought, about 6 Ibruprofen, 4 codene things - and i have at least 20 Diazepam - THAT SHOULD DO IT ..... WHEN I GET HOME - Got home - after mum wondering out loud why the 'Share and Coluter' Pub hasnt shut down as it looked terrible - PMSL - and then i walked in and OMG THE KITTENS HAD USED THEIR TRAY - QUITE A FEW TIMES - !! - Cleaned that out - Mum n the Kids left as i was kinda shouting rather alot - I then went upstairs to clean - AS YOU DO - packed for cass and i did make toms bed even tho he HATES me going in his room - I also wacked in a load of washing, and cleaned the cats x 3 more times - OHH MY LIVING GOD - WHERE AND HOW DO THEY PRODUCE SO MUCH !! = Anyways - then forgot what i was doing - and came on YouTube - and made a Video - or two = and then started and now finished this blog - OMG - WHATA DAY SO FAR !!! - and its only 4pm !!! Head Killing me - but sight is back - and im not suicidal anymore !! YIPPEEEEEE !! - FOR NOW !! pmsl
Thats me - for the Moment - OVER AND OUT !!! xxx
BACK SOON XXX
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