Mentor for invisible illness - Positivity and Confidence

At present I chat to different people on Invisible Illness - kinda like a Positivity Implimentor for people with Pituitary Brain Tumors - and LMAO - WAIT WAIT - IT'S NOT A HEAVY POST !! - 

( 

This is one of the classic moments in my tele chats that gets laughs from most people i tell. 

It may be considered X - rated so Ill warn the sensitive people ahead of time.

I was calling on an existing chap who happened to be from Kentucky ( but had relocated to the UK ) , I was pretty familiar with the guy but still developing the relationship. The illness was hitting him quite hard, i just wanted to make sure he was ok . The guy was always very polite and normally a true southern gentleman so you will understand how taken aback I was , when in a very polite and Southern manner he answered and he said ( or should I say I heard) Youll have to excuse me for a moment Abby, I have a piece of ass in my mouth.

I KNOWWWWWWWWWWWW - RIGHT !!

Well - Thank Christ i'm not shy or bashful - so - i stayed on the line !

He put me on hold for a moment and I was a little dumbfounded and thought did pass me by wondering maybe I should call back at a more convenient time. But - then - WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT ! =

When he got back I asked him to repeat himself and realized , with his Kentucky accent he was saying that he had ICE in his mouth( Say it to yourself in a Southern accent Ice Ice, youll see what I mean ) LOL. Im glad I didnt give him a piece of my mind for being crude which could have happened - depending on where i myself am on the 'illness' level during the day !

Just thought you guys may enjoy that !!

I THINK I MAY GO INTO TOO MANY DETAILS WHEN COMPLAINING

I NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH - OR HOW LITTLE INFORMATION AND I SEEM TO HAVE GONE OFF ON ONE SLIGHTLY ! 

MY LETTER TO BED WORLD

BLACK MEMORY FOAM DIVAN BED SET + MATTRESS + HEADBOARD SIZE 3FT 4FT6 Double 5FT and Super King Size

Seller assumes all responsibility for this listing.

Last updated on  28 Sep, 2016 14:45:47 BST  View all revisions

Item specifics

Condition:	New: A brand-new, unused, unopened and undamaged item in original retail packaging (where packaging is... Read more	Type:	SPRING MEMORY FOAM
Brand:	Unbranded	Material:	DIVAN BED
Main Colour:	Black	Mattress Type:	Sprung memory foam
Features:	With Headboard	Firmness:	Medium Firm

Morning Bed World -
Just from your very name - I knew you were trustworthy
ALAS, YOU LIED !
I have had my Super King Size Luxury bed for less than a week -
From the outset I have been very very careful - but - already it has broken ( Insert sad face please )
I didn't realise that the SUPERB price, meant it was going to be UTTER SHITE ( I have inserted an "E" - Because my mother tells me that " Shite" - is far 'nicer' a word than " Shit " and i do not wish to offend )
I would really have liked to feel safe upon sitting upon my new Infrastructure, LET ALONE ANYTHING ELSE THAT MAY OCCUR IN A SLEEPING POSITION ( I'm NOT just talking about reading / watching TV either ) and not necessarily a 'sleeping' position either .... Sometimes i like a hot chocolate in bed too .... Ohhh I know - I'm daring in my bedroom habits..
This is a bed, where i have to watch where i place my, and im going to be 100% truthful here, ample - yet deliciously gentle buttocks, in a certain place before i could actually get into the bed.
The entering of the bed is a scene from a Carry on film itself - because - well - i sink into it even before i am actually ready - and once there - legs swinging - i'm engulfed - It's VERY difficult to Un'Gulf ! How on earth i even manage to get my legs on the mattress is anyone's guess - and im sure there is some divine intervention that goes on.
Anyway - there's only one of me !!!! I know - so difficult to believe with a face like mine ! Ravishing I have been told many many times - and not always by myself
But NOT Ravished on YOUR bed i can tell you !
If there were Two of us, we would be on the floor by now, NOT IN A GOOD WAY - and no doubt in the matter - NOTHING could happen in this bed, no Rumpey du pumpety could occur for fear of ohh i dread to even think - with a mighty thud - Probably murdering either Derek or Rodney in the process ( Cats ) who have taken it upon themselves to sleep right at the side of the bed ( Ohhhhhhh Maybe I should try this ?! ) -
By the way I would have been at the side of the bed - because as aforementioned - Once sat, you can move no further - and thus sleep perched on the corner - ( But i guess if broken in the rhelms of a passionate embrace - Ohh shush and let me imagine! ) i bet I would NOT complaining either !! )
Anyways -
Put Simply - THIS BED IS RUBBISH -
Or " SHITE " as my mother would say ...
Please can you advise !! Many Thanks !! xx

Yes - that is a red light in my window- NO - NOT FOR THOSE REASONS - It's because - the night before - my bedside table had broken - ( Ohhh I see a pattern developing here ) and I need a Bed Light - well - CAUSE I DO !! - So - The Window sill seemed the obvious place - Until my neighbour pointed out the rather dubious connotations ! Opps !

***********************************************************************************

New message from: bed-world Top Rated Seller (375,387RedShooting Star)

Good Afternoon,

Thank you for creating Thursday Laughter, here in the office .
I am ever so sorry about this, Can you please attach photos of the damages.

Kind Regards, Will
With Regards,
Bed-World

Customer Services : 01924 *** 444
01924 *** 855

Mon - Fri 9am - 7pm

Sat - Sun 10am - 4pm

**************************************************************************************


Well - considering I had gone into so much details - I wish they had a better response
But - some people  are not as literate as others i guess ! 

FRIDAY MORNING FUN

OMG Not even 9.30am and ALREADY I have caused mayhem !

The one time in my entire life that i decide to throw caution to the wind and go with my gut - 

and who is behnd me - Ohhhhhhhhh Just guess !

I ran the Red light and next second - Lights and sounds screeching like an angry Pterodactyl start and im there - bewildered - not knowing if i should stop the car and just get out and run, run for my life - ( yeah - a little ott even for me ) or sit and ask the nice officer what for the life of me i have done ( Holds ample bosom here ) - as i seriously DON'T HAVE A CLUE ( OK - OK - a litttle white lie won't hurt ! )

- I turn the music down - a rather good tune playing - and pull over - yes - in that order - well - my seat belt is on at least !
I pull into the side of the road and stop - Handbrake on - and wind the window .... Ohhh it's already down - Mmmm - Weird - cant remember opening that !! - SMILE !!!

Well - The cop came to the window and he was actually totally, out of breath, 

as he was laughing so hard - 

UNBELIEVEABLY UNPROFESSIONAL was my first thinking - and i was a little perterbed ...

Well - I do actually sit - open mouthed - and just look ... it was the weirdest sight ever - a laughing policeman ! ( ohhh so soso close to doing it here i can tell you ! ) BUT

The guy calmed down enough to talk -
" You know that you ran the red light
( I nodded - so sowwwwee OCCIFER ! )
" and yes - that is very very bad - and you should never ever do that again - lucky it was early and no-body was about - BUT i'm not going to give you a ticket "....
I just looked - still bewildered 

.......... " because SERIOUSLY - ( and he did over emphasise this ) That was the funniest thing, i have EVER seen, and my colleague can't even get out of the car because he is going to pee himself laughing ....
I looked at him still totally aghast ??? ...... " I don't understand ?? "

" Well - you had become so engrossed in the song you were listening to and because you were so busy HEADBANGING - and yes - we know the song - and both my partner and I started to sing at the very minute you crossed - we could HEAR YOU COMING ! All three of us were headbanging as you jumped the red !! ( Your rendition of the line " Beelzebub has the devil put aside for me, for me, for meeeeeeeee " - is most memorable - but - what did it for us was the fact that after the headbanging you let out an almighty " Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa " as you actually just went straight through the light ..... Not at all responsible Madam ....

Ohhhhh - BUGGER - NOW I REMEMBER -

opps !

You have to be able to laugh !! RIGHT ??

ohh dear lord .. bless me for i have sinned and sworn - rather alot !

Last night - Watched STEP BROTHERS 




with the kids - and ok - maybe it wasn't appropriate 
BUT FUCK ME, IT WAS FUNNY !!!

SPOILERS - 

but such - CLASSIC LINES -




"Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon. You yelled rape at the top of your lungs." 

"You know what gets my dick hard? Helping out my friends."

"One time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands."

"Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. Brennan I cant even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus". 

and the MY TWO FAVOURITES - 

“This is going to sound weird, but for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.”




" My ballsack touched your drum set " - 

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH JESUS FORGIVE ME !

All of us in utter hysterics from start to finish !





Then ! - bed - and ok - had the usual screams ( lmao - from me ) and then ABOUT TO get into bed - decided i wanted a book - OHHH WHY DO I HAVE TO BE LITERATE !! The whole bedside table fell apart - Vibrating devices, Oils, Batteries, Books, Dice, Blindfolds, Feathers omg . .... EVERYTHING CRASSSSSH ( NO ) BANG WHALLOP onto the floor - 

KIDS race in - 
"Are you ok, are you o.......... WHATS THAT MUM - .... "

ohhhh shit - shout at them to get out - ( because im bad & shout ! ) and then i clear the 'items' off the floor - place in bag and place safely in wardrobe - ok - fling back the bedclothes and JESUS WEPT - IT'S THAT FUCKING SNAKE AGAIN My 13year old ( bd tomorrow ) thinks it is SUCH FUN to put a really life like snake into my bed - this is now the third time - and as my nerves are shot ( i wonder why ) i go BANANANANANANANANA S !! anyways - Snake thrown to other side of room - cats pounces on it ! - ok - that's fine - 



Cats then decides to have a full scale military assault on the snake - and being the velociraptor's they are - take it in turns to concur the slimy beast .... NOISILY ! .. but - to top it all - i needed the loo by now - and ffs - walked through the hallway only to tread on a dead mouse - ( Thank you Derek  Rodney - aforementioned velociraptor's  ) and while cleaning up the carcass became more and more desperate for the loo - and after two kids and a huge amount of weight - Zips getting stuck and my pelvic floor is not what it used to be - JESUS WEPT - screamed - 
" and to top it all i pissed in my fucking onesie " 




- to which BOTH kids erupt in delight - and came running - i have no dignity or shame - and we all fell about in hysterics - 
Thank Christ i have the MOST ridiculas sense of humor - 
Who could cope without being able to laugh at oneself !!

INVISIBLE ILLNESS / DATING - IF THEY ARE INTERESTED - THEY ASK !

HELLOOOO - Well - whata day - OMG

BASICALLY - IF THEY ARE INTERESTED - THEY WILL FIND OUT ABOUT YOU
- AND THEN ASK QUESTIONS -
IF THEY START ON ABOUT SEX WITHIN THE FIRST MINUTE/FIFTEEN MINUTES - THEY ARE AFTER ONE THING ! ( In which case ditch em ! )

WHATA WEEK !!!

Well - I'm back on the dating site after i fell fast and then fell flat,
I joined up again and then within the first 30 minutes - well - i took this

- Loads of messages! - Madness ! - I had only put on 6 photos - 3 length ways and three face, and a Typical Abby Profile Introduction




Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.




IF YOU CAN MAKE A WOMAN LAUGH - YOU CAN MAKE HER DO ANYTHING !!




IF YOUR HOT, SEXY, TALL AND A GENUINE MAN'S MAN -
This is Sooooooooooooooo for you !!!

TOTALLY FED UP OF TIME WASTERS ! - SO BEWARE !




Have a peek at my profile - If you like what you see - and can handle DECENT FUN GENUINE conversation and YOUR NOT GWUMPY, PERVY, TOOO HORNY, OR A PLAYER

GET IN TOUCH




Ohhh : YOU NO SMILE? = ME NO SMILE !

- OR Fish - If you have a photo with a Fish

- I'm Not Interested - FISH ARE NOT SEXY !!




But apart form that ANYTHING GOES !! ;) !




God - am i that fussy !!




hell yeah - and i'm worth it !! - * shakes head * as per Loreal Advert - Just wish i had hair ;) !!!




Mmmmmm - was that message a seduction of words - ohh yes Siree !! -
I KNOW HOW TO WOOOOOO !! pmsl - Like Casper the friendly Ghost ! = boo !! ;)




OK - May sound Loony - BUT - I'm not - My psych said so !! - Ohh i do have a Unicorn - YES - His name is Dave and he is always with me - and YES - i can prove it - so - still not a fruit loop - Just friendly ( NOT IN THAT WAY - BEHAVE ! ) AND FUN !!




Having a few conversations - BUT Tom - Ohhh Just lovely - and OK - He is in Ireland - But - we have been talking about everything, all day long - and he is just lovely ......

5 Hours into a conversation - Yes Yes - I know - and NO - that was not a typo - 5 hours !
HE ASKED THIS !!

• 
  Forgive me, but could you explain what happens during your storms, how does it affect you? Do they last long?

  Today at 3:25pm — Delete

  Reply
• 
  
• 
  

  Tom
  Sorry for asking dense questions.

  I have watched a couple of your videos about 'storms' so I have a little more insight. Forgive my ignorance.

  An hour ago — Delete
• 
  

Ohhh someone who is ACTUALLY INTERESTED - That is a novelty !!
And maybe where i have been going wrong - the genuine guys - THEY ASK QUESTIONS !

Anyways i started typing my reply - and it hit me - OMG I'M MAKING SENCE !! -
and those that KNOW me - know it does not happen too often !! = so - I thought it may help others and decided to blog the answer !! 

NOT A DAFT QUESTION AT ALL !! - AND BEING ASKED IS A HUGE VICISSITUDE !

I kinda take it in my stride - and think that people know what i am talking about !

I go in and out of 'storms' daily !

Depending on what i am doing -

If i do NOTHING i am usually OK - !!

BUT - I mean i have to sit and not think !! - Yes usually in a dark room - with no sound !
lmao - and for someone who can't stop thinking - this is very difficult !! Because then, I imagine !
and Imagining with me could go one way or another - either - into Abiland - and it's all Unicorns and magestic creatures all friends and fluffiness - or


BASICALLY

My storms come in a few different types

Anger
Upset
Rage
Excitement
Confidence
Irritability


All are usually accompanied with headache - but im not talking pain in head - i get IMMENSE pressure, at the back of my head - and also a dull pain right behind my eyes ! I also go VERY fuzzy - and my eyesight goes !! - lmao - this is the tumor pressing on the optic nerve and this can be seen in videos where i kinda shake my head - i am trying to stop the pain and the fuzzyness ! This goes to my speech too and this usually is very difficult to get out - i KNOW what i want to say - alot of the time ;) - but saying it is another matter !! = and then that gets frustrating !! - so - the tourettes mummy ( Thats what the kids call me ! ) comes out and i kinda get a tick ! - Because i get frustrated - i swear ! BADLY - AT ANYONE ! lmao -
I also get ultra confident - ( yup - even more so than this !) and before i had my licence taken - i had in fact pulled over a police car - with four big bald cops in it - and told the driver off for cutting me up ! _ HE HAD - and i was in the right ! - But a tad OTT to tell him off - i was right in the middle of Canterbury at the time - and had stopped rush hour traffic - but - you could hear a pin drop - !!! = Nobody DARE come and stop me - I am a force in itself !! - That's the mix of added Cortisol and Adrenaline ! - It's a hefty powerful thing !!
Ooo - I think i may blog this lot - i am fairly articulate atm - so - it's coming out as it should !! lol - which is amazing as i have the music on - a telephone call to my mother - texting my daughter - and telling you - which for me - is a HUGE accomplishment ! Maybe Too Much Cortisol - and in this case -
where as a 10 mg dose of Diazepam is actually used as an anesthetic - I can take up to 46 mg and it just bring me back to normal conversationalistic abby !! lol !!

.................................................now im bored and going !!