SUICIDAL NOW - IS IT MY BRAIN TUMOURS OR PSYCHOSIS ??

AT THE MOMENT - I HAVE JUST GOT UP ( IT'S 11.11am ) EVEN THOUGH I WAS WIDE AWAKE AND TALKING TO THE CAT ( RODNEY ) AND NO - THIS ISNT A PROBLEM = AND NEVER HAS BEEN TALKING TO ANIMALS IS ''NORMAL'' FOR ME - AND ALWAYS WILL BE .... 

I burst into tears at the Smallest thing ( Cat scratching - I cant get to the shop - as i cant get out alone to get him more flea treatment - when i do get out - i bloody forget to get the stuff - ( third treatment in four weeks - for the animals and the house ! and im scratching and sure he is covered, as are Derek ( Cat ) and PeggatyPawz ( Dog ) who is also starting to loose her hair - BUT - this is a normal thing for her in this irrational weather 

or i start thinking what a shit hand i have been dealt and then OMG - THEN IM OFF ON ONE - i've just taken 5 x Diazepam - and am calm enough to write this down - to try to get people to understand ...

IM GETTING NO BLOODY HELP - APART FROM MY MUM, WHO IS OLDER THAN 31 !!! - AND MY EX HUSBAND ( EX BECAUSE THE ILLNESS WAS FAR TOO MUCH FOR HIM TO BEAR AND WAS MAKING HIM ILL - SO HE IS NOW MY EX ) I WOKE UP TO THIS SONG ON THE RADIO - AND THAT STARTED ME OFF - BUT OMG - ITS HOW I FEEL 

Gotye "Somebody That I Used To Know" lyrics

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company

( NEVER FELT LONELY WITH YOU ) 

But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

( WE ARE BOTH GLAD - AND IF ONLY YOU COULD BE FRIENDS )

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love

( I JUST NEED TO HAVE YOUR COMPANIONSHIP ) 

But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number

( LOL -  THIS WOULD EVER HAPPEN AS I WOULDNT LET THEM - BUT - WE ARE STILL LIVING IN THE SAME HOUSE AT THE MOMENT - SO - ALL OK THERE ) 

I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over

( HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT YOU HAVE NEVER SCREWED ME OVER = BUT - I WANT TO HAVE MY HALF OF THE BUSINESS AND YOU HAVE YOURS )

But had me believing it was always something that I'd done

( ALWAYS FEEL IT'S MY FAULT AND I FEEL YOU THINK ITS MY FAULT THAT YOUR NOT IN WORK - NOT THAT BECAUSE YOU GOT ILL AT THE SAME TIME ) 

And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say

( OMG I SOOOOOO DO ! ) 

You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
And you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Such a great song - but - omg - poetic ( If thats the right word) 

and in fact - apart from my Mum ( Who is here at the drop of a hat if need be ) and my Aunt - who would be if i called her - BUT - She - i feel - has enough problems - and i for one - dont want to add to them - Friends and other family say they will help - but - saying and doing are two different things ...

I was told by the UNIVERSITY COLLEGE HOSPITAL LONDON - That i dont have Cushing's disease ( on two Urine samples / one Dex test / and one blood test ) 

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1365-2265.2011.04033.x/pdf

( This is a great Article on Cyclical ) 

I have found the following ( within two minutes of internet searching ) so - I THINK / KNOW - JOBS ARE NOT BEING DONE .........

Cyclic Cushing’s syndrome (CS) is a rare disorder, characterized by repeated episodes of cortisol excess interspersed by periods of normal cortisol secretion. The so-called cycles of hypercortisolism can occur regularly or irregularly with intercyclic phases ranging from days to years

The fluctuating clinical picture and discrepant biochemical findings make cyclic Cushings extremely hard to diagnose. Clinicians should therefore be aware of this clinical entity and actively search for it in all patients with suspected Cushings but normal biochemistry or vice versa. Frequent measurements of urinary cortisol or salivary cortisol levels are a reliable and convenient screening tool for suspected cyclic Cushings and should be tested for repeatedly. 

Cortisol stimulation or suppression tests may give spuradic results owing to spontaneous falls or rises in serum cortisol at the time of testing. 

This diagnosis always requires prolonged study, and hence, detecting cyclical Cushing's syndrome has been a significant challenge to endocrinologists as 24-h urinary-free cortisol sampling is time-consuming and laborious for the patient.

THIS IS ALSO QUITE INTERESTING

Pseudo-Cushing’s 

As reviewed elsewhere, pseudo-Cushing’s state is characterized by a clinical picture resembling true CS together with biochemical abnormalities suggestive of hypercortisolism, which resolves after resolution of the underlying non-endocrine cause. Depression and alcohol abuse are important causes of a pseudo-Cushing’s state. Recognizing that depression and alcohol abuse can cause reversible abnormalities in the hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal axis is important for differentiating cyclic CS from these conditions. Urinary free cortisol excretion shows considerable overlap between patients with depression and CS . Depressed patients frequently demonstrate insufficient suppression of urinary and serum cortisol in response to the 2 mg dexamethasone test . A serum cortisol response to insulin-induced hypoglycaemia is usually preserved in depressed patients, whereas this response is blunted in most patients with CS . The combined 2 mg dexamethasone–CRH test may be used to differentiate between depression and CS with a reported sensitivity and specificity of 100% . Measurement of midnight circulating cortisol is also helpful to distinguish between CS and abnormalities in cortisol metabolism associated with depression.

OK - So - I DON't have CUSHING's - Thats fine - BUT - I still have been told i have a 
Tumour on the left and at the back of my Pituitary Gland - 
I also have Hypothyroidism, 
Diagnosed Duel Personality Disorder and Borderline PCOS OHHH 
AND IM BLOODY HUGE - EVEN THOUGH I EAT A NORMAL AMOUNT ( and no - i cant exercise - as i have been banned from the gym as my head stopped once on the treadmill and i fell off it !! ) and now - I HURT every time i try and do anything EVEN THOUGH I LOVE SWIMMING - im not allowed in case i have an episode ....) ... 

All of which cause PTSD ( Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ) Which in turn causes the below .........

Illnesses that can cause psychosis:

• brain diseases such as Parkinson’s disease, ( MY FATHER HAS PARKINSONS ) Huntington’s disease, and some chromosomal disorders
• personality disorders ( IM DIAGNOSED ! DUEL PERSONALITY ) 
• brain tumors or cysts ( I HAVE 2 X DIAGNOSED PITUITARY BRAIN TUMORS THAT ARE RECEIVING NO TREATMENT )
• dementia (including Alzheimer’s disease)
• HIV, syphilis, and other infections that attack the brain
• hypothyroidism / hyperthroidism ( I HAVE HYPO ) 
• some types of epilepsy
• stroke

Delusional Disorder

A person suffering from delusional disorder strongly believes in things that are not real.

https://uk.pinterest.com/search/pins/?q=UNICORNS+AND+ABILAND

( WELL IT'S REAL AND RATHER LOVELY TOO ME ) 

Psychotic Depression

This is major depression with psychotic symptoms.

( I HAVE ALL OF THE BELOW SYMPTOMS - EXCEPT HALLUCINATIONS - although Dave my Unicorn is always beside me - BUT - he is REAL i tell you ! ) 

Recognizing the Signs of Psychosis

Early stage psychosis:

• difficulty concentrating
• depressed mood
• sleep changes—sleeping too much or not enough
• anxiety
• suspiciousness
• withdrawal from family and friends
• ongoing unusual thoughts and beliefs

Later stage psychosis

• delusions
• hallucinations
• disorganized speech—switching topics erratically
• depression
• anxiety
• suicidal thoughts or actions
• difficulty functioning

BUT NO HELP .......... THIS IS PLAIN RIDICULAS.

I am at the stage that I am thinking seriously about the only two options i have :

(1) Moving out - But  - with this I wont be able to see my two and the MOST wonderful children in the world - as It would be far far far too difficult for me to wave them good bye at the end of a visit - I couldn't do it to them or myself - I also would hate being alone - im actually a very social person - but my illness has made me isolated - if people ask me to go out- or wanna come round - I SAY YES !!! -  lve going out - IF I HAD MONEY !! ( The ex is handling a business we BOTH started and ran ( to be totally frank - he did most of it - but couldnt have done without my mum's guarantor of the mortages and actually my 'sound' mind at the time - which was superb at making the right decisions - - But - since my illness - I have not been able to do a thing - so he has done everything - and been using the money for his own entertainment - although - he paid for the kids xmas pressies - through the business so - thats helped - but - Im living on £80 a week - and thats for clothes / makeup / hair / hygene items / and GOING OUT ... To which i do with mum ( and Gaye my Aunt on a Tues ) two ... Sometimes three times a week - BUT - I cant afford to pay for four peoples lunch and a few 'fun' bits for the kids - as I HAVE NO MONEY ...

if the ex goes out - he uses money from the business - Which - GREAT - at least the kids go and have fun - BUT - I cant do that - as 1) i have no money and 2) im very limited as too where i go ... so it's all very difficult ......

( WRITTEN LATER - OMG - LOOK - IVE DONE THIS BIT TWICE - WITHIN SECONDS I HAD FORGOTTON WHAT I HAD WRITTEN - AND WROTE IT AGAIN ! THATS PLAIN MAD ! ) 

ok - so there is number one choice - MOVE OUT - BE BY MYSELF AND SEE MY MUM AND AUNT - LEAVE MY KIDS AND THE ANIMALS WHO ARE MY ENTIRE LIFE

= I COULDNT TAKE THEM WITH ME AS IM TOO UNPREDICATBLE, AND FRANKLY I SCARE MYSELF - LET ALONE THEM -  AND THE KIDS WOULD BE HEARTBROKEN IF I TOOK THE ANIMALS WITH ME ANYWHERE.. ( This i am adament on - i would NOT and NEVER would be a SINGLE parent - I wouldnt not have had kids if i knew BOTH parents wouldnt be there for them - 
I GREW UP BELIEVING YOU MARRY YOUR BEST FRIEND = someone you love and respect and laugh and joke and trust and communicate with - THAT I DID - 
AND I STILL WOULD BE MARRIED - BUT - APPARENTLY 
= SEX IS FAR FAR MORE IMPORTANT - 
TO SOME ........... 

(2) Take an Overdose ......... I know what your saying - Thats selfish and your only thinking of yourself - It's the weak way out - 
BUT ACTUALLY IM NOT ANY OF THOSE THINGS - AND I AM - BELIEVE IT OR NOT - THINKING OF OTHERS - I WANT TO BE HERE FOR MY KIDS - AND WANT TO LIVE THE LIFE THAT I CAN - BUT - IM TOO NASTY TO EVERYONE I LOVE, AND UNPREDICATABLE WHEN IM 'HULK' ME and that part is killing me, But people have shown there true colours and ARE NOT HELPING WHEN THEY COULD AND ACTUALLY SHOULD ( Mmmmmm Maybe that bit is a bit much - ?? People should help others - BUT i know that is unrealistic - they have their own lives )  

- If i wasnt here - 

# The EX would do what he apparently wants to do he would be able to get babysitters and get a ful time job - because I am stopping him 

#  The kids wouldnt be bombarded with THE MOST TERRIBLE SWEARING ( almost tourettes like ) and hide under the bathroom sink because they are so scared of me when i am HULK like 

# Everybody would get resbite from the constant chatting and questions ( I do love to chat and can for hours and hours on end - and this apparently - is exhausting for everyone BUT ME !!

# Will not have to worry about me nicking the car keys, and driving off somewhere, to do what .... Im not sure - But - I keep trying .....

# Everyone would be at peace and know that they are not walking into a war zone

# The Drugs would not have to be locked up

# The food would be ready and cooked properly - ( I forget and lose concentration ALL THE TIME ) 

THE LIST IS HONESTLY ENDLESS - But - yes it's the last option - 

BUT I FEEL IM AT THE LAST OPTION NOW - AS IM GETTING NO HELP ....

( PLEASE BE AWARE OF THE DUEL PERSONALITY THING - IM WRITING THIS SECTION AN HOUR LATER - AND OMG - WALKING ON SUNSHINE- WHEWWW WHEWWW - Well - ok - NOT QUITE - but nearly !! ) 

CYCLIC CUSHING'S ( Pituitary ) & GETTING DIAGNOSED ! - NIGHTMARE

Cyclic Cushing’s syndrome (CS) is a rare disorder, characterized by repeated episodes of Cortisol excess interspersed by periods of normal Cortisol secretion.

Helloooooo !! = Im doing this Blog as a ongoing record of my BLOODY NIGHTMARE with the Doctors !! - lol  - I have MANY MANY times now told you of my Problems - ( ohhhhh woe is me ! ) So - for people that DONT KNOW - 

Here is a VERY QUICK oversight into my symptoms list

Diagnosed

2 x Pituitary ( brain ) Tumours

Enlarged Pituitary Gland

Duel Organic Personality ( Due to the Tumours pressing on parts they should not ! ) 

Borderline PCOS

Extreme Hypothyroidism

High Blood Pressure

Further Symptoms

Buffalo Hump 

Acne

EXTREME TIREDNESS

Brain Shuts down when i try to think

Pain when i try to do things - ( From walking to washing up to eating / brushing teeth ) 

VERY easy bruising

Terrible to extract blood - Veins are non existant

VERY clumsy

Cant think

Blurry eyesight - Peripheral vision goes - and then comes back

EXTREME ANXIETY

EXTREME DEPRESSION

EXTREME UNCONTROLLABLE RAGES

EXTREME HYPERACTIVITY 

( Looks VERY much like Bi-polar - But - I have been seen by 5 x Psychiatrists and they say - CATAGORICALLY - It is NOT !! ) 

Irregular Menstruation

Going very hot and then very cold

BRAIN FOG to extremes

Unable to talk ( Very Slurry and Stuttery )

Giddy

Extremely Childlike ( But to be fair - Not 100% sure if this isnt just ME !! ;) !! ) 

If walk upstairs - when i get to the top - I cant think or talk or move - i have to stand still while my head gets back to normal ) 

I am 22 stone - I eat a very normal amount ( taking into consideration the amount i do - not alot ) - and unable to exercise due to the pain -

 I was Gym'ing it 5 x a week for 2 hour sessions - One hour in the Gym - and one hour Aqua Aerobics - WHICH I UTTERLY LOVED - but - when I had an episode at the Gym ( I fell off the treadmill as my brain shut down - i was unable to talk - and think ) and they They stopped me - saying it was dangerous for me to be there as i was unstable and unsure as to whether i was going to 'storm' 

I am unable to be left alone with my own Children now as i am so very unstable in my moods - I also Don't go out alone in case my brain shuts down - as i am totally unable to do or say anything when this happens.

I come in  and out of 'Storms' regularly - Something i do with ease - BUT it has a terrible devistating effect for those around me - I could go two weeks with being OK = BUT - then i have a re-lapse ... When i am OK - I try EVERYTHING to do what i can - when i can ....

I don't Drink or Smoke - B.O.R.I.N.G !!

OK - so - I am being treated with Levothyroxine for the Thyroid / Propranalol for Low Blood Pressure / a Mix of Anti Depressants- Even though i am ALMOST 100% sure i am NOT depressed !! = and DIAZEPAM - To bring me back if i Storm - This i am NOT addicted too - ( Doctors have told me to take 5 tablets - BUT - This does NOTHING - So - I self Medicate - I have regularly now - Taken upto 15 Tablets in one day = and this is usually the same for a few days - then - i dont need any for maybe over a week - ( I'm NOT hooked !! ) If i DO NOT take this amount - i end up trying to Commit Suicide or Getting an Out of Control Rage where i become VERY ABUSIVE and aggressive ..... ( Neither of which i am usually !! - SERIOUSLY - IM LOVELY REALLY !! ;) !! )

OK - So - Thats a Brief OverView - and WOW - FOR ME THAT WAS BRIEF !!! 

Ohhh i also have an Unhealthy Obsession - ( well it's not unhealthy to me ;) !! ) with David Tennant - and i drink far too much Coffee !! 

Right - The UPDATE

I have been waiting since November for results of the overnight dexamethasone suppression test checks to see how taking a corticosteroid medicine (called dexamethasone) changes the levels of the hormone cortisol in the blood. This test checks for a condition in which large amounts of cortisol are produced by the adrenal glands (Cushing's syndrome) Pituitary Gland ( Cushing's Disease ) .

Normally, when the pituitary gland  make less adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH), the adrenal glands/Pituitary make less cortisol. Dexamethasone, which is like cortisol, decreases the amount of ACTH released by the pituitary gland, which in turn decreases the amount of cortisol released by the adrenal glands.

After taking a dose of dexamethasone, cortisol levels often stay abnormally high in people who have Cushing's syndrome. Sometimes other conditions (such as major depression, alcoholism, stress, obesity,kidney failure, pregnancy, or uncontrolled diabetes) can keep cortisol levels from going down after taking a dose of dexamethasone.

The night before the blood test, you will take a pill containing dexamethasone. The next morning, the cortisol level in your blood will be measured. If your cortisol level remains high, Cushing's syndrome may be the cause.

The reference ranges for blood cortisol are as follows:

• Morning - 7-28 .

• Afternoon - 2-18 .

• Stimulated* - ≥ 18

• Suppressed** - < 2 

I am waiting for the ( Think he was a Junior ) consultant to ring me - I dont hold out much hope on that one - he told me to check my sinus 

( But - to be fair - said he had heard of a Cyclical lady who was in a Mental Hospital for 25 years before they Diagnosed her - BUT as it was VERY Rare - He was sure it wasnt that !! ) - 

AND THEN SECRETARY / AND A LETTER TOLD ME I HAD TWO PITUITARY TUMOURS - Not Just the one that i knew about - apparently i have one on the left and one at the back !!

 GETTING ANGRIER BY THE SECOND !!!!!!

I have now done emailed the Pituitary Foundation ( Pat was SO HELPFUL last time ) as GP laughingly told me its not Cushings as my level was suppressed to under 30 with the dex test,

I asked what my level was BEFORE the suppression, 

The GP - Laughingly said - " It's NORMAL - It's NOT Cushings " 

- and so - AGAIN -

I repeated - " WHAT WAS THE BLOOD COUNT BEFORE the test was done"  

He said AGAIN, ....  " Mrs Barry, it's under 30, Thats OK, *Laugh* , Ive looked into it just now,  it's fine, * laugh * it's NOT Cushings "  - 

So I REPEATED AGAIN - "WHAT WAS THE FIRST SET OF BLOODS RECORDED" He said ......" - You do not understand, It is Normal range" ... 

I asked what The First set of Blood results were - OK - The second set say it was under 30 - BUT WHAT WAS THE BEGINNING BLOOD TEST RESULTS ?? " .....  - 

He said He could only see one set of records - I asked him to CHECK - THEN - He said he would look it up - 

After 5 minutes - he said the First Blood Test Result was 297 ...... 

I've just looked it up, and it says normal range is under 28, so, he didn't take into account the first test ?? 

OK - I suppressed - BUT = Apparently - FROM MY RESEARCH = NORMAL IS BETWEEN .05 AND LESS THAN 28 - AND I SUPPRESSED TO 30 - SO - I SUPPRESSED TO THE HIGHER END OF THE SPECTRUM - MY BEGINNING RANGE WAS 297 ............. 

I asked the GP ( Who i will not name here ) to URGENTLY send the results to the ENDOCRYNOLOGIST who had asked for the test to be carried out - 

he asked why ................. * 

Shaking my head * I said Because he is in charge of my case - and i CANT LIVE LIKE THIS FOR MUCH LONGER * ..... he said that he would .... I Gave the Fax Number and person to address it too ...... It took a month for them last time - NOW IT'S TAKEN ANOTHER MONTH for them to sit on their hands and hold onto Blood Test Results - MEDICAL NEGLECT im beginning to think - Considering - They were the ones to tell me - AFTER I HAD BEEN TOLD I HAVE A BLOODY BRAIN TUMOUR - To try YOGA !! .........

I had a Email back from Pat at the Pituitary Foundation ( Almost Immediately ) UTTERLY FANTASTIC - and Basically - she said

" Right, You should Call Davina back ( at UCHL ) and get the chaps bleep - 

Summarise what you told me about non-communication ( Results and letter ) and that your GP has delayed things -

Then : Keep him on the phone  explain in brief words he should get about 

your headaches - dull / throbbing and intense 

severity of your symptoms on scale of one to ten

when symptoms started

how often you have them

any causes that bring pain on

Elaborate with him the next EMERGENCY appt id Aug and even your arranged appt in May is going to make it difficult for you as you are left in pain with no firm diagnosis. Tell him you are desperate.... "

( Keep him on the phone  explain in brief words he should get :

Your headaches - 1) dull - 2) between the eyes - 3) right at the back of my head - 4) throbbing or 5)  So very intense, that i have tears - but not crying - & that i have to sit in a quiet dark room with no stimulation AT ALL

severity of your symptoms on scale of one to ten ( always a 6 * Never feel Utterly Fabulous * - Off scale at 100 !!!!! - Totally uncontrollable and unbelieveable unless you see it - Even my face and body changes shape ) 

when symptoms started - 9 years ago

how often you have them - Daily - sometimes four times a day - then may be a let up for a week - two weeks - then they come back 

any causes that bring pain on - Anything - No rhyme or reason to it - and one day brushing my teeth will put me in bed - but another day i can do hoovering and full house clean and be ok - push through it - Totaly Hyper 

Pat went on to say a few other things - but that was all off record - but - the lady is a saint and so utterly helpful and well - she made me feel so much better 

I phoned Davina Immediately - 

" Im just leaving work now "

I just reiterated that i hadnt heard from him - and she said

" - I have Emailed him - Nothing more i can do untill he picks his Emails up "

I started to cry ( Pathetic i know - but couldnt stop  ) 

She said he had no Bleep and No ext Number - and id have to wait and be patient ..........

I just said i'd have to wait then - between sobs .....

I couldnt even get out of bed this morning not even to check that my kids had breakfast and a drink to go to school with - Thank Christ my EX is still living here - and he made sure they were ok .....

I am Still awaiting news of the Consultant to ring me - from University College Hospital - APPARENTLY =  i have to be patient and wait for them to pick up their emails - LUCKYFOR SOME THAT THEY CAN GET INTO WORK AND DO A BLOODY JOB ISNT IT ..... 

'Do a Job' ......  is said very loosely 

I honestly thought by being sent to University College and my troubles would be fixed - it's just added stress

I Just phoned University College Hospital - LONDON - I seriously cant take much more - They have not been in touch - They have No URGENT Appts till Aug - mine is 3rd May - 

BASICALLY - they are awaiting my Dex Blood test Results ( A normal result is a decrease in cortisol levels upon administration of low-dose dexamethasone. Results indicative of Cushing's disease involve no change in cortisol on low-dose dexamethasone - I had this done before - and had a NO CHANGE result - Nothing done - ) BLOODS : TAKEN AGAIN IN NOVEMBER

The Doctors have NOT sent results to UCHL - and Basically - Are sitting on their hands - Handing out as much Diazepam to MY EX who tells them I want it - I have NOT actually spoken to the GP myself - ( A grade 4 LISTED drug - that I am taking by the bucket load - That every time I collect - they ring through to the Crisis Team for agreement ! )

so - AWAITING CALLS FROM DOCTORS AND CONSULTANT -

WILL KEEP YOU POSTED - ANY COMMENTS GRATEFULLY RECIEVED 

BEGOTTEN BROODS BOISTEROUS BOXING BANQUETS

omg - Perrrrlease = now that's a CONTEMPLATIVE, GOOD and THOUGHTFUL Title !!!
lmao - Wonder how many people stick with me to the end !! lmao -

OK - so - just to explain WHY i have started this way - I have just had a very short - but VERY THOUGHTFUL conversation - via facebook ( Is it still a conversation - if not in person and via social media ?? - Yeah - I'm sure it is ) But - had a Convo with a friend saying that she hopes my last blog - reaches the people it SHOULD - and that she reads alot of my blogs and finds them informative and interesting - Well - After i told her to go out and get a life (!) I started thinking - It hurt for a little while - NO - JOKE JOKE - IT DIDN'T THIS TIME ! -

Lmao - I thought - well -
What are my real thoughts On Boxing Day ?? - I'm sat here - the Kids and EX have gone out with my family for Boxing Day lunch - over to a nearby pub - and I was going - BUT - when i learnt 'Others' were joining - i decided Not to go - Not because of being a Martyr = or to draw attention - BUT - because i don't want to be a burden - to Storm and then have someone run after me - and take me home, and then have everyone worry - so - I stayed put - Im here - Ive Hovered, cleaned, put presents away, sorted the Steamer ( We had to Steam everything yesterday ( xmas day ) as our oven packed up !!! )  - Had the Cats - DelBoy and Rodney,  think it's Christmas day all over again and DEMANDING more Turkey - it was their FIRST ever Xmas day - and OMG they had almost half a turkey to themselves - and gammon, and bacon and sausages ! - lol - FAT CATS WHO WADDLE  !! and OMG - IVE ACTUALLY SKYPED MY BROTHER In Australia - !!! GO ME !! - Ohhh forgotton what i was saying now - let me read the title - LMAO - THATS MAKES NO BLOODY SENCE !! = OK - Read the first bit !! ...


Mmmmmmmm - OK - When i was younger - Before the kids came along - and before i was married - Boxing Day was about Family and playing Games ( OK Trivial Pursuit ) and Having Fun and well - winding people up - !- or was the just me ??!! I did used to have a good wind up skill set - lmao - even if i do say so myself - as i do believe that being able to wind someone up is a good way to make friends and to Banter with people ( never course, insulting or rude, ) - it makes people laugh - releasing endorphins and this in turn makes them happy and smile - and smiling is one thing i love to make people do !! - So - Bring up an old conversation - or an old memory that happened - and laugh about it - LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE, And helps Boxing Day go without a BANG !!!

Boxing Day has - OBVIOUSLY got it's own Variety of food that is always put on the table - The obligatory Turkey and cold sausages and ( ohhh sorry Dad - Chipolatas from 'the lads' - The Butchers round the corner from our old house - who - by now - instead of being 'lads' MUST be in their 60's ! - BUT do, do the BEST sausages in Herne Bay !! Dad has Always referred to them as 'The Lads' and it has just stuck - !! ) erm Well - basically it's the same as Xmas day - apart from the fact it is cold - EXCEPT the hot mash potato / Carrot and Brussel Sprouts - Then - with this we have Pickles and Pickled Onions / Piccalli and Gerkins  ( Why serve Piccalli - No-one likes the bloody stuff ! ) !! Then we Have Mince Pies and any thing else thats left over !! = LOVELY - this always used to be my favourite meal !! We would have the radio on - Christmas Music Playing - and just chat - Id stick to my cousin Kate like a rash usually - Trying to be like her i guess - Trying to make her and My Uncle Bill laugh - and My Brother would be in the corner - listening to music on his walkman, or in his room watching films - or trying to get my elderly Grandmother to go to the Video shop ( yes yes - we did used to have a video shop back then, where you could go and RENT films for the day ! ) with him - and Rent a dodgy film or two - that he wasnt allowed to rent because he was too young - Bless her - She always would too - and there she was a 85 year old ( ish ) - renting Porn who my brother told was a film about a lovely girl who worked alot to bring home dinner for her kids !! - My Grandmother was so gulliable - or - she wasnt and she knew ;) - Im not sure which !!

Mum and Dad would be doing the lunch - and Nan / Grandad and maybe Mina ( Nans old friend from along the road ) would be in the front room - just chatting and talking to - and about the animals, ( At that time we had 6 Cats - Disrali , Henry, Bertie, Charlie, Daisy and Polly ) and the Dog - a HUGE Long Haired German Shepherd called Sasha = Who hated most people = Hated Bangs - and if anyone - apart from family tried to walk in the house she would pin them up against the wall !! = and look at them - straight in the face - and snarl !! - We obviously thought this was funny - but - being on the receiving end of a dog that big - maybe isn't that funny !! - to us - she was a big baby )

I'll never forget the time Uncle Bill and I were chatting about someone and laughing a joking - and then 'that someone' walked into the room - OMG - that started us off laughing even more - ok ok - yes - we were laughing at them and not with them - and that did get us told off - but - OMG - you always remember the laughing - Then there was the time Mum walked into the kitchen and 'Bertie' the Stub Nosed Fluffy Silver Tabby had his head in the Christmas Pudding = and so - well - what can you do - Fill the Christmas pud with Custard, of course !! = JOB DONE !! - and then serve to everyone !! - No No - Im quite full thanks Mutti - ( mum always wanted my brother and I to call her Mutti !! = from what i remember  - she hated MUM - but from what she remembers - we copied students that we had !!! - mmmmmmm - I think i'm catagorically right !! )

There was ALWAYS a HUGE arguement over lunch with someone and usually - it was about religion - Auntie Gaye and i would always keep quiet - Barney ( My Brother would always put his two pennyworth in and try to make the situation worse - just to add to the drama ) so ok ok - The arguement would usually be between Uncle Bill, Mum and Grandad - lololol - I shouldn't say Arguement - I should say - heated banter !!! - No-one was right or wrong - and in fact - i'm sure Uncle Bill was trying to wind people up - in a nice way - ( There isn't a bad bone in his body ) just to give a few laughs to everyone - Mum and Grandad always take the bait - whoever stared it - and it probably ended up in SOMEONE, shouting - and then we would get out the Trivial Pursuit Board and start the joyus game of that !! Ever Helpful Auntie Gaye would Wash up - ( Without a doubt for some peace and quiet !! ) and I would set up the coffee while Cousin Kate excecuted the authority and took orders !! - Barney would be in charge of the game, at this point between mum, dad, nan, grandad and Mina ( we would join in a second ) !! ...... Mum, Dad, Gaye, Bill, Maybe Kate had by this time - taken to the bottle to true extent - lmao ( Not implying they were alcoholics - but - OMG some wine was drunk on those Christmassy eves  ! ) Mum - had also Just started to think if she should start making The obligatory Turkey and Cranberry Sauce Sandwiches for later - and EVERYONE ( except Dad - Dad LOVES Auntie Gayes Trifle ! - in fact - Dad Loves ANYONES trifle !! )  was worried Auntie Gaye had made a Trifle - ok ok - Not worried about the trifle - But more worried about HOW MUCH SHERRY HAD GONE INTO ITS MAKETH !! ;) !!

OK OK - So - After deciding if we should call the little triangle things Wedges, or Cheeses, or Cakes or Slices ( I always went with Cheese ! ) My favourite and best loved question - REMEMBER - WHILE PLAYING THIS BLINKING GAME WITH MY WHOLE FAMILY spanning many generations - was - " - How many testicles did Adolf Hitler have " - and well, this led to lots of coughing and MOVE ON - MOVE ON - by my grandfather - which in turn would lead someone into singing - " - Hitler - her only had one ball - the other = was in the Albert Hall " = Me - in absolute hysterics because some people around the table were so so uncomfortable = Then we would have a anecdote about it being a myth - and then, if he did only have one - where on earth was the second ? omg - Still laughing about this now - I think we would usually say this was a myth - and he did - in fact have two ! - There is always - half way though usually - that time for when at least three members of the family need to go to the loo - This would usually begin with the person who needed a movement most - saying they ' needed to pop out for a second ' - BUT - datelessly - we would carry on playing = and - ohhhhhhhhh - The person who had 'popped out' - would be the one - WHO COULD ANSWER THE BLOODY QUESTION that was being asked at that particular moment = Well - I would just shout either upstairs to the landing - or through the house to the back - and ask the question - This would always get me berated - Leave them in peace = YEAH - THAT'S OK - CAUSE YOUR WINNING - Id usually get the right answer from the person who was releaving themselves = and by the time they got back - they would exclaim that they had ' now cleared their head' and could carry on playing - well - me with my DISGRACEFUL LAVATORIAL AND FRANKLY FILTHY MIND - could not stop laughing at this point - and would get THE LOOK from mother !!

This is NOT my mother by the way - But she does ' THE LOOK' Brilliantly !

So - ok - Then we would have more to drink - Mutti would bring out the enforced Turkey Sandwiches and we would sit there, eating sandwiches, OBVIOUSLY cut into triangles, with bits falling out, Laughing, and debating over what to watch that evening !! Mmmmmm - Usually be a film if i remember rightly - and omg - the BEST Christmas Film that i can remember seeing - ok ok and TREASURE is NEVERENDING STORY - !! = For me, the Special moment comes about a third into the film - the moment Gmork tells Atreyu the secret of what happens to the Fantasticans who are sucked throught the 'Nothing' into the human world .... ' LIES ' Gmork shouts - I'll never ever forget that !! The NeverEnding Story isnt simply an imaginatory tale for kids - it's a tale of imagination itself - a tale of hopes, and dreams and wishes - It's utterly wonderful - and to this day - i will watch and laugh and cry and be mesmerised by it ... Incontestably MY favourite character is Falcor - the luck dragon - and my favourite part = OBVIOUSLY right at the end when Bastian rides Falcor through the city streets to frighten the bullies who have caused him so much heartache - JUST Scintillating and witty and undoubtedly Ingenious..... All this and the music in the background - Music which - up untill a week ago I hadnt heard for ohhh must be ten years - then - My Auntie Gaye and I were in Dunelm Mill - and OMG the music came on . Sung by Limal = OMG - I remember the lot - OK OK _ Sort of !! - lol and my poor Aunt - I was beside myself - sooo exciting -

Turn around
Look at what you seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
In her face
The mirror of your dreams

Make believe I'm everywhere
Given in the light
Written on the pages
Is the answer to a never ending storrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gf1WT8VEZxk

OK - I wont go on - But - Just Brilliant - and yes - it transported me right back there to sitting on the sofa watching with my parents, brother and whole family - 

Then - Bed - Say your Prayers = Night Night, Love you ...........