MY WORLD OPENS UP !! LIVE BY A MOTO !!

Imperfection is beauty,

madness is genius 

and it's better to be 

absolutely ridiculous

than absolutely boring

OMG - 


I'm so living my life 

by this from NOW ON IN 

SO BEWARE !!

Well - not that i hadn't before but now - I'M DOING 

IT WITH A VENGEANCE !!




Ohh - OK - I always do everything at full pelt - 

Unless i'm asleep - and even then i do that with 

rehabilitation !!



So - What's made the difference - LIFE'S TOO 

BLOODY SHORT !!

I'm here having arguments with people due to my 

illness, Telling people over and over again that I 

can't do certain things, re-emphasizing the fact that 

my head shuts down - literally - Basically all very 

very negative - AND THAT'S NOT WHO I AM !!




I am literally the person you see in my videos - I am 

Fun, and Happy, and Funny, ( GO ME ! ) Modest and 

bloody Amazing ! - So - About time I start to 

exercise my Right to be ME again !




So - This week - I have Had fun with the kids - 

Which is the MOST important thing - I have done a 

Lot of the Garden - Re-thought of how i can have 

plants without killing them ( I forget to water them 

and then they last 5 mintues ) Cleaned everywhere i 

had not before because the Movement Bloody hurts 

 - Met people - Laughed - had excitement - 

Socialised - Flirted - Gained new Experiences and 

above all - 



I FEEL MORE ME AGAIN !!

OK- Last night it came to a head - 

lol Undisputably - The EX bought 

the kids home at 3 ( After picking 

them up at 12 ) and said they 

would need feeding - well - I 

ALWAYS have the dinner ready by- 

no later than 10am 

- JUST IN CASE 

- So - this was the start !! Anyways = I made a 

lovely Chicken Kiev with Ham and cheese / Roast 

Potatoes, Broccoli and Carrots ( Fresh - which i 

usually don't do - as the peeling and cutting motion 

sets my head off ) and Sweetcorn = OMG COOKED 

TO PERFECTION - Crispy and delicious ( The 

Potatoes - not the Broccoli !! ) Then - Sat down - Ate 

it - and That was it - The motion of eating set my 

head into overdrive !! - Pain at the front - pressure 

at the back - could not talk and - well - tit's up to 

say the least !!! ( Ohhh sometimes i am so literate - 

and sometimes I despair even of myself ! ) Well - 

Just about made it upstairs - through a fight the kids 

were having - Tom did NOT want to Stop watching 

Bear Grylls and Cassia wanted him to stop as the 

noise is bad and makes me worse !! - Well - Tom 

then had ENOUGH of the Trials and Tribulations of 

Brain Tumors and said ' Right i'm going to bed ' ..... 

and that was it - he went - ( He did how ever get me 

a few pills to pop as he went !! ) Cassia was busy 

stroking my hand - I was VERY VERY good and didn't 

threaten to chop her appendage off - I TRIED to 

ignore and just scrunched my face up in good 

gurning fashion, due to the pain and took myself to 

bed, Slowly as - Being the weight i am - and being in 

excruciating agony - getting up the stairs was mad ! 

- I KNOW i needed Peace and Dark - and it is true - 

that does work wonders !! 

I lay there 

for 

ohhh till 9pm - occasionally 

having a 

child - either 

or both - 

bringing - 

usually under an arm - either or both a cat - 

Derek and Rodney - into the room to say 

hello !! Derek Usually Purring VERY loudly - and being 

dumped unceremoniously onto the bed where he would 

actually FLOP to his comfort - Laid out and stretching - 

Habitually on his back - back legs sprawled open - and front 

legs trying to pull an arm that is close into his mouth so he 

can cause lacerations with his great Tiger Chompers ! 

Rodney on the other hand Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr's and RUNS !! 

Eventually both kids went and stayed in bed - Then i 

remembered - THE DOG !!! - Let her out - so - I made it 

downstairs - and let her in the garden - and - just to 

underscore the point - I was ill before - AND HADN'T 

WASHED UP AFTER DINNER - I then HAD TO  ( and yes i 

mean HAD ! ) to wash up the dishes and put them away - 

and then clean down the sides !! - Well Burglars wouldn't 

want a dirty house would they !! So - By THIS point - I was 

wide awake - Head ermmm - Fuzzy - But - I was awake !! 

BUGGER IT !!




I went upstairs - and all i could think of - THE BLOODY 

THEME TUNE TO THE FRAGGLES




Dance your cares away


Worry's for another d.a.a.ay


Let the music play


Down at Fraggle Rock


Work your cares away a a 


Dancing's for another day


Let the Fraggles play ay ay 


We're Gobo Mokey Wembley Boober Red


Dance your cares away a a 


Worry's for another day ay ay 


Let the music play


Down at Fraggle Rock 




WELL - If I had to Endure it - SO CAN YOU ! - 

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - Now it's in your head too !! 

Catchy isnt it !! 




Anyways - This all got me thinking - After a 'decent' first 

date yesterday ( OMG I KNOW - A SSBBW CAN BE FAT 

AND DESIRABLE ! - But - call me Magnificent again and 

i might lose control ! and NO - NOT in 'that' way ;) ! )  - 

Sorting out my own Bills and The House - and a decent - 

actually the FIRST decent half term in what seems years 

- No - 'Rage' Storms and No uncontrollable crying and 

no suicide attempts ( Due to erratic ( That's ERRATIC 

NOT EROTIC - Hormonal Imbalances ) Well - I CAN DO 

THIS !!


The Kids have to accept that I am ill - as do well - 

EVERYONE - It's NOT my fault that i can move from 

Illness to 'me' in a snap of the fingers - I UNDERSTAND 

it is hard for others - But - me - well - Just Live it and 

Learn ! - You can't spend time being worried that people 

will be upset that i get ill in front of them -


If they Get embarrassed by my behavior or my language 

WHEN I AM ILL 

- Then - That is NOT the sort of person I wish to be out / 

or be friends with  !!





ACCEPT ME AS ME - ILLNESS AND ALL !! - 

I WILL TRY TO DO WHAT I CAN - WHEN I CAN - 

WITHOUT EXCEPTION 



YES - My Illness does give me the right to say what i want - 

WHEN I AM ILL - Because i have NO CONTROL - You have 

to learn to ignore - 


IT DOES NOT HOWEVER GIVE ME THE RIGHT TO SAY 

WHAT I WANT - WHEN I AM NOT ILL !!




And if you KNOW me - 


You KNOW that i would NOT do this anyway - 


BECAUSE


and this is a statement of FACT






I AM ACTUALLY A LOVELY PERSON !



I TRY TO BE HELPFUL AND POSITIVE AND 

MOTIVATIONAL FOR OTHERS - 


Because it is so difficult for me ! If I can help just one - 

then my day has not been wasted !! 




So there you have it - 



MY WEEKEND OF FINDING MYSELF !! 





A WEEKEND NOT WASTED - !!