I know this may seem a really Harsh Title - But after the week i have had - and now three different situations that i have found myself in - I feel I have to Blog !!Ohhhhhhh god - It could be a long MOANING one - Take a seat - get Comfy - and i will begin !!
It all started ............................. Ohhh that sounds like the original quote from Walt Disney about it all starting with a mouse? Was it, "It was all started by a mouse" or "It all started with a mouse" or a combination of the two or what? - Anyway - This was NOT started by a Mouse - This was started by a news report that someone from ohhhh i think it was Hollyoaks, had had his photo taken and within one year the guy was dead from a Brain Tumour - and everyone around was going on that this guy was gorgeous and he went down hill so so quickly and how terrible it was and how he didn't have time to do things - OK - OK - the guy died - yes - that's tragic - and he was so young etc etc - BUT - he wasn't in pain - he went downhill very quickly and just passed away ( OK - I say JUST - I KNOW it's a terrible terrible thing to happen - I KNOW THAT .... )
The second 'thing' was Someone I see every once in a while - left a comment on one of my social media sites, that i was looking far far better and i must be OK now - and isn't that wonderful - Praise be to the lord .... Then underneath - someone asked what the matter was as i always had looked fabulous ( i thank you * takes a bow ! * in my photos !! ) - and the original commentator said i had Diagnosed Severe Depression !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - SEVERE DEPRESSION - OMG IF ONLY I HAD JUST THAT !! - I post SO SO MANY THINGS about my illness - and to have someone say i had SEVERE DEPRESSION - is honestly like a kick in the fucking teeth - ( Now - ONCE AGAIN - THIS IS NOT BELITTLING SEVERE DEPRESSION AT ALL - i totally understand - BELIEVE ME - I DO TOTALLY UNDERSTAND - that depression is a killer ..... in every sense of the word - BUT = NO - I DO NOT SUFFER FROM SEVERE DEPRESSION !!!!!! AT ALL !! =
I do NOT believe Depression is not real. It is NOT something that exists in people’s minds. It can not be seen or touched or identified by sight or spirit in the real word.
Psychiatrists, identify endless causes for depression, and for each cause there is an unnecessarily complex solution. My contention is that there is but a few true causes, but i seriously believe that it is caused by a Hormonal imbalance -
A typical Thought of someone who has never been depressed is that it IS always in the persons own head - IE - I just feel sad. My career isn’t going well. My kids don’t talk to me. I hate my job. I hate my life. I’m fat. I’m ugly. I don’t have many friends. People don’t like me … are the sort of typical comments that i believe are heard from depressed people - BECAUSE DEPRESSED PEOPLE ALWAYS CONCENTRATE ON THE NEGATIVE - BUT - because I AM NOT DEPRESSED - i totally understand that when i 'switch' IT IS BECAUSE OF A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE - AND NOT BECAUSE I AM FAT OR UGLY OR HATED OR BORING - Because - OK - I may well be fat - BUT - I'm not worried about that - It's everyone else that is - I'm HAPPY WITH ME - BECAUSE I AM A LOVELY PERSON !! I know that i am gorgeous and friendly and not hated !!! So - Mmmm - No other explanation for it - IT'S BLOODY CHEMICAL !!
Nowhere in there is there a mention of other people. It’s all about you. - LMAO - This is what has been said to me by a GP ( a General Practitioner - who has No Speciality in ANYTHING apart from Stupidity i think ! ) Ive even been told to try Yoga !! - At this point i did have to be restrained as i nearly headbutted the GP ( Joke - Joke !! )
I know that as humans we get in a state of sadness over very real psychological issues and we think about them endlessly, feeding them and making them worse than they ever needed to be. This creates emotions and chemical reactions in the body that doctors diagnose as ‘depression’. Yes - this is true -
Doctors see depression as a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes negative thoughts. There are chemical imbalances, yes, but ARE they caused by negative thoughts? Mine are not - I'm NOT negative - Until i have a surge or hormone !! . Doctors prescribe you medication to correct the chemical imbalances, thinking it will therefore correct your thoughts. They tell us that what we actually need is to correct is our thoughts, and you will in turn correct your chemical imbalances. Think positive and you will feel positive. That works - But - You can NOT think positive and this will in turn correct the Hormone Surge - ONLY MEDICATION does that ......... Doctors need FAR FAR more training in OTHER reasons why people can be depressed .....
and omg - I've done it again - gone off on a Tangent !! - I was talking about The Title hey !! = lol = NOT DEPRESSION -
OK - so the Third thing that happened is that a friend of mine - today - posted on Facebook - this very title - and a blog someone had done about being 'forgotton' and 'ignored' because they did not have an illness that was easily perceptible - For example Cancer - You say to some you have Cancer and immediately they think the worse - You MUST be in immense pain and your hair will drop out and it's a death sentence = THIS IS NOT THE CASE ANYMORE -
The word ‘cancer’ covers around 200 different types of disease, which makes it highly unlikely there will ever be a magic bullet cure for them all. But It’s far more likely that advances in treatment will result in more cancers becoming ‘manageable’ chronic diseases. People will live with their cancer, AND maintain a good quality of life.
Research has led to significant improvements in both detecting and treating cancer. In particular, there have been big gains in early detection. Early detection through programs such as Breastscreen, the cervical cancer screening program and more recently the National Bowel Cancer Screening Program have resulted in tens of thousands of cancers being picked up early and treated successfully, before they grow or spread and become more difficult to treat.
New technologies are also allowing more targeted treatments that are highly effective, killing cancer cells without harming other tissue and resulting in fewer side-effects. Therapies which target genetic changes that cause cancer to grow are promising advances.
Personally i have had my Mother suffer with Cancer - and my Uncle has had it - They are BOTH fine after treatment - my mother in remission for almost twenty years now - and my uncle a few years on - is never thought of to be his three score years and ten - He is truly amazing - and - i have to say it - but shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh don't say a word - My mother DOES DEFINITELY NOT LOOK HER AGE = but at least twenty years YOUNGER, and you have never met someone more active and YOUNG !!! -
Whats my point i hear you cry - Well - OK - I have been diagnosed with a Pituitary Brain Tumour - two in fact = and an enlarged Pituitary Gland, ORGANIC Duel Personality Disorder ( due to Tumour ) Hypothyroidism, PCOS and PTSD - BUT - These are all rare - and because they are rare - NO-ONE KNOWS WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH !!!!! - lmao - OK OK - Many of you are thinking oohhhhhhhh OFF SHE GOES AGAIN !! - SELF PITY !! - But - No - Not at all - If YOU have a broken leg - How would you feel if someone says - OHHH YOU CAN PLAY RUGBY or - YOU CAN COME HIKING WITH ME AT THE WEEKEND ! - and you have to say no !!!! BECAUSE YOUR PUTTING IT ON !! But - your NOT - you have the evidence in front of you - Your leg is in cast - BUT - My illness - like many many others is INVISIBLE !! so - it looks like your just not helping yourself - and your bored - or unmotivated or not positive - GOING ON AND ON AND ON = lmao - OK OK _ i know i do go on - BUT I HAVE TO GET HEARD - !!
If i can go out - I BLOODY WELL WILL !!! - I don't want to be 'escourted' = lol - i want to be independent - BUT - because i am so erratic - I need someone there as security for Myself - and for others - If someone says something to me and I react - I DON'T AND WONT STOP - and i need my safe guard there - so That's why i go out with either my Mother or the EX HUSBAND, or my Aunt = BUT - Not only that - They also have to put up with people coming up to me when i am stood there - Tears flooding down my face - Unbearable pain just behind my eyes - unable to look left to right - everything blurry, unable to talk - looking and sounding drunk - and they have to deal - as i am totally unable to do or say anything until it passes - then - I AM FINE AGAIN - and so - OK - you have just witnessed that - and then - I'm all set for more shopping - I'm fine - and can switch from one mood to another - instantly - BUT - the non-ill person can't and they are left exhausted and worried and frustrated .......
But - all i get is - " OHHHHHH YOUR LOOKING BETTER " - OR " - YOU MUST PUSH YOURSELF "- OR - " JUST SMILE AND THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS THEN IT WILL BE OK " " Why don't you go to the doctor " - FFS - That lot does not get rid of the facts that
I AM IN INTENSE PAIN
I AM LOOSING MY EYESIGHT - If I'm storming it is all fuzzy - but also my peripheral vision goes = and then comes back !!
I PUT ON WEIGHT EVEN WHEN I HAVE A FABULOUS DIET
I HAVE SUICIDAL FEELINGS DAILY ( This year i have Overdosed and cut my wrists - Not something to be proud of - BUT Doing this because your NOT in control = THAT'S NOT A GOOD PLACE TO BE ) - i get suicidal - even tho i don't want to kill myself - i still THINK i do
I GO GIDDY, LOSE SPEECH, HEADACHES WHEN DOING ANY SORT OF ACTIVITY - FROM EATING TO HOVERING TO WALKING then i will be fine and can whizz about at 1000 miles an hour
I AM CONSTANTLY TIRED - Then when i get upstairs i am wide awake
I AM HORRIBLE TO THE PEOPLE I LOVE THE MOST - and i don't mean just nasty - I MEAN THE WORST THINGS EVER - INC THROWING THINGS AND VERBAL ABUSE - But i am NOT in control - I have complete inability to stop anything i say or do ... and it is random - there is no rhyme or reason to anything
OHHHHHH - BTW - I AM ALWAYS AT THE BLOODY DOCTORS !!
This is just a few things - OHHH I COULD GO ON !! - But i wont !!! Ohhh But - I SO COULD !!
Now - In relation to Cancer - There suffering does not continue - I am so so sorry to say it - BUT - even with Chemo and Radio etc and the awful awful things they go through - There is an end in sight - either - OK - to put it bluntly - Death - or - occasional visits to their GP / Consultant - to make sure they are kept in remission - and OK - they have it hanging over them - but - they are pain free - Tablets they can take etc - I'd rather have that, than what i have - At least with Cancer - People KINDA understand - and are willing to help = With an invisible illness - YOU GET IGNORED AND LEFT - BECAUSE PEOPLE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY OR DO I GUESS -
I AM REALLY REALLY VERY SORRY IF I HAVE UPSET ANYONE OR OFFENDED -
I HAVE NOT MEANT TOO
BUT - THESE ARE JUST MY VIEWS - AND NOT THE VIEWS OF ANYONE ELSE
FEEL FREE TO COMMENT -
BACK WITH A HAPPIER BLOG SOON I HOPE !!
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