HIGHS, LOWS, DIAZEPAM, PSYCH TESTS, BEARS AND VIDEO BLOGGING !
Well - helloooooooooo !!! - So your back then - OMG _ YOU need to get a life - ohh or is that me !!??! - and ive juts started this and NOW BLOODY REMEMBER - Im cold and want a coffee - so - you go make a coffee too - ( NOT TEA - I DESPISE TEA DRINKERS ) and will see you back here in 5 - synchronise watches !! ... GO .......
Right - I am Back - ARE YOU ??. OHHH COME ON - BLIMEY in that time I set the dinner table for 5 - and made the kids a healthy snack for home time !! - ( Ohh ok ok - I put a straw in a cup ready for milk - and a raspberry rice cake - in packet - beside it with the same Banana that has been going there every day since Monday !! - WHAT ??! ) and now im back with a DECENT coffee - ( I don't smoke or drink so I do insist on a decent make of coffee !! Taken either White with a sweetener - or Black on its own ! )
Right - Saturday = What I can remember - Cassia got into bed with me - hada snuggle ( She only 9 ! ) I do love our snuggles - and then she came downstairs - I waited till 9am and then came down - with the intention of making coffee and sitting down to chat !!! = I went through to the kitchen - Wacked Kettle on - and asked Tom if he wanted one - He said I don't think we have time we are off out - ERMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM WHAT ?????? Alan went for a cigarette, saying they were going to his mums, and then WENT !!! - LMAO - Leaving me ON MY OWN - expecting them to be here till 10am - WELL - FLIPPED !!! - Phoned him/txt him/Txt Mum/Phoned him again ( All Phone calls VERY Raw and VERY OTT - extremely Nasty and Hateful - FROM ME - Alan just listens and says be back at 12ish for us all to go to WILDWOOD to see the bears ! ) - Well - Nature of my head - I KEPT flipping - Couldn't stop - No-one here - But screaming, hitting head, SOBBING - and then the Crisis Team Phoned - Talked to me - told me to Medicate - I DID !! - 30 mins later I was fine - so immediately start cleaning !!! - lmao - as you do !! - the whole house IMACULATE by about an hour later !!! EYES LIKE STALKS - Major Cortisol / adrenaline HIGH now - BUT - MUCH HAPPIER -
Alan and Cass turned up at 11.30 - went picked up Tom who was with his two friends - we then decided to invite them to Wildwood - Just Near Canterbury - OMG - WHAT A FABULOUS PLACE - we are members and Love it there - all set in woodland with a whole range of Rescued / Conversationalist Animals there ready for rehab or return to the wild - Cages and Props in cages are EXEMPLERY - All done for the individual animal - Making them 'look' and forage for food - as they would in the wild - and all the animals look in excellent condition considering their backgrounds = Really have not a bad word to say about the place ! - and believe you me - if I did - I WOULD !! - Anyway - went there to see the newly rescued European Bears - There is two of them - BUT - The Trust were told they had been living together - and they hadn't - so - they are having to keep them separate so not to freak them out - ONE of the Bears Had come out and OMG was ACTUALLY playing with a Punch Bag -
https://www.facebook.com/abigail.barry/videos/vb.705695438/10153414059275439/?type=2&theater
I can only assume the keepers had filed with food - because the Bear wouldn't and couldn't leave it alone - dragging it about and throwing it around - it was superb to watch, The kids started to get a bit bored - Me with my head - I could have stayed their all day long - but nope - were dragged away after about 20 mins and a huge discussion on if they were Grizzly Bears or Common Brown Bears !! = I said Commons - ( BECAUSE I KNEW ) and everyone else said Grizzly !! - I AM SAYING NOTHING !! - Even though I WAS RIGHT - Because I stopped and asked the man giving a WONDERFUL talk by the Lynx !! - Who we heard telling the keeper he wasn't happy at the close proximity !! - a sort of low rumble- very interesting - and the guy knew his stuff - he was fascinating ... Anyways - Lunch and coffees at the Café there - and for 5 of us £32 - for full meals and drinks - Not bad I thought - then home via the shop -
I was then far too tired and as soon as I got in - I flipped !!!! - I had just got far too over excited at the park and Brain couldn't take any more information - so - after dosing AGAIN - I went upstairs where it was quiet - and stayed there till sunday at lunch - then went out with Alans mum to the Harvester - Obviously me picking where I had to sit and be able to concentrate on just our PARTY of people - if I can see loads of people - my head starts getting to much information and I start getting FAR TO ANXIOUS !! Anyways- did that - lovely - ( Long running Joke that I always have 'Simply Chicken' There as I cant read the menu properly as it kills my head to read - so I always go for that - Alan bless him said - go for something else- and as I felt ok I said yeah - I definitely will - he then bet me £50 that id end up with Simply !!! = Of course - I did !! - but he is no way getting any money !! - lmao !! ) then went to The Heron to meet Mimi and Diddier - Friends of Mum and Dad - but Friends of mine on Facebook - and OMG _ They were lovely - and the dog - Vasco - was a delight - Such open - honest and caring people with BIG HEARTS - thought they were just lovely - anyways - went home - lmao - and guess what - ID OVER DONE IT - AND WENT BIZURK !!! - Alan Phoned the Crisis Team who just told me to medicate - or rather told Alan to tell me to Medicate - as I would NOT talk to them !! = Anyways - Medicated- Now about my 9th Diazepam of the day - ( When I say I medicate - I mean I have to take Diazepam - as that's the ONLY thing that will calm the hormone in my body down - that is produced by my Pituitary Gland being Far too big - and also having a Tumour on it as well !!! - so - Medicate woman - Medicate !! Thing is - when I FLIP - I forget !!- so - unless someone tells me - I could flip for 20 mins - or DAYS AND DAYS !! )
Anyways - Came through that and ended up sitting in my room as felt I wasn't wanted and I had put everyone through far too much - so I stayed out of the way - THEN all I could hear was laughing - and I thought they are far better off without me - so - I took 12 Diazepam - OHHHHHH - I know its stupid - But - I also knew It wouldn't do a bloody thing - Because of the amount of Hormone - I can take LOADS of Medication - and NOTHING touchs me !! BUT- That did calm me down - and I sat with my new phone - and tweeted, Facebooked, and Google+'ed ohhhhhhhh and Started on YouTube- lol - My own CONFIDENCE channel for Plus size ladies - and I have been accepted into - well not a group really - but a section of people on youtube who all do the same - and OMG THEY ARE LOVEY- and the guy that started it all off - Coen at Curvy Shrine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqftEr5IHxQ - OMG HOW HOT IS HE ! - is kinda doing blogging and acceptance videos etc for a guy who is into Fat women - and blimey since chatting with him - I have become so far happier with myself and started my own channel !! = Its Fab - I love it- Had 37thousand hits on Google+ ( I KNOW !!!!! ) and a couple of thousand now on YouTube - over about 19 videos !! - But I love it - It give me a release and it helps others = so - makes me feel good - !! BRING IT ON !!
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCA9q_HW_4TD7f1P8SXnF_LA
Ohhhh also had another ANOTHER- PSYCH test and the guy said - again - im VERY VERY COMPLEX - NO SHIT SHERLOCK ! = and I show no sign WHAT SO EVER of Pcychiatric problems = BUT - I do present with a few ONLY when I am 'flipping' - ( One of the Crisis Team at the weekend said he would NOT enter the house as he heard me - PMSL - THAT WAS NOTHING MATE - I THREW A TABLE - COMPLETE WITH INSENCE - I WAS INSENCED !!! - AT ALAN WHO WAS STANDING ON THE STAIRS SATURDAY NIGHT !! ) !! = He is totally stumpted !! - I TRIED to tell him that PITUITARY TUMOURS come across as Bipolar like symptoms - BUT - because I flip in and out so easily - that it means 100% I am NOT !! = He agreed - but because the case is so complicated - he needs to talk to his boss !! - A leading Clinical CONSULTANT Psychologist !! - lmao - ohhhhhhh - go on then - lmao - BUT WHAT I NEED TO SEE IS A BLOODY ENDOCRYNOLOGIST AND A PITUITARY EXPERT !! - But - THEY KNOW MORE THAN I DO - Im just living it !!! He will give me enough Diazepam till next week - LMAO - 4 A DAY AND 2 EXTRA !!! - I just laughed !! - I can take 17 in one day - just to keep me calm - that wont touch the sides - but - he knows best ! - ( I have a stash that I got from doctors and Crisis Team as well - so non too worried !! - ohhh Alan keeps everything under lock and key now -o I cant get hands on anything ! )
Mmmmmmm - That's taken me upto Monday - WHATA WEEKEND I HAD !! - AND THE FINAL OF BRITAINS GOT TALENT !! - Bloody Dog wasn't even Matisse !!!!! - AND I WANTED TO SEE KINGDOM TENORS ANYWAY !!! MOAN MOAN MOAN !!!
OK - BLOG - DONE - OVER AND OUT !! XXX ( for now !! ) xx
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