Pee Samples, ANGER and DAILY LIFE with my Pituitary Brain Tumour !

Pee Samples, ANGER and 

DAILY LIFE with my Pituitary Brain Tumour !

Well - that about covers everything since my last BLOG !!

I cant remember if i told you about being referred to University College Hospital LONDON - Because of my Pituitary Brain Tumor / HypoThyroidism and ODD SYMPTOMS ! - ( That are not ODD - But TYPICAL of Pit Tumour Patients, BUT because i have been seen by a bunch of NUMPTIES ! I have been being treated for problems - similar to Bipolar - and have been given hefty Anti-Psychotic Drugs and Anti - Depressants and even Epilepsy Drugs to try to combat the Anti-Social Behaviour i have !!! ( This link i am including is Exceptionally good for giving to patients and doctors and families of Pituitary People - lol - i HATE to be called a " sufferer " - I DONT WANT TO GIVE IN TO IT AND SUFFER ! - https://pituitary.org/medical-resources/pituitary-family-resource-center/join-the-pituitary-fight  )

Ok Ok - Lets start from the beginning - I was told by the lady ( Im sure she WASNT THE HIGHEST CONSULTANT PCYCH THAT SHE WAS MEANT TO BE ) That she was going to refer me to the Maudsley Hospital in London (The Maudsley Hospital is a British psychiatric hospital in South London. The Maudsley is the largest mental health training institution in the UK. It is part of South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust, and works in partnership with the Institute of Psychiatry, King’s College London.^[1]The hospital was one of the originating institutions in producing theMaudsley Prescribing Guidelines.)  - Who deal with Mental Health ! - VERY Quickly and basically - I said " it's not Mental Health - ITS MEDICAL - I HAVE A TUMOR IN MY HEAD "! - and Immediately said I would NOT be going there - ( I have before this gone along with everything asked of me - seeing 5 Psychiatrists and Psychologists too !! - Even a Councillor - ALL OF WHICH TOLD ME MY PROBLEMS WERE DUE TO MY MEDICAL CONDITION - AND I COULD NOT BE TREATED BY THEM !! ) Doctors - ie GP's - Were telling me to try YOGA to de-stress, and take Paracetamol for the Immense pressure in my head !! ( inc is a link for others with Pit Tumours - to show that the RAGE is not seditary to meee !! -http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/pituitary-tumor-discussions/general-support/3884630-anger-outbursts
- I went to the PITUITARY FOUNDATION with a list of my symptoms and a video of a 'Storm' and they told me to ask for ( Had to be Demanded ! ) a Referal to UCHL to see a Specialist in Pituitary Conditions - and also an EndoCrynologist who would be able to sort out my Hormones !! THIS I HAVE SINCE DONE !

( ohhh actually - scrub the - ' its not in my head bit ' - BECAUSE IT IS ! ) 

I have had one appt for bloods to be taken, and one appt to see - who i later found out to be - a Registrar !! - Who started telling me my suicidal thoughts were not pituitary based = I informed him - THEY WERE !! Anyway - He took LOTS of notes - and told me to do one urine specimin as he thought i may have Cyclical Cushings - BUT THATS VERY RARE AND I VERY MUCH DOUBT IT !  ..... Well - Maybe ! BUT IF I DID AND IF HE WAS WORTH HIS SALT - he would know that it is almost impossible to diagnose and i would need more than one lot of urine testing - so he gave me two !!!! ;) NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK SPRINGS TO MIND

ok - I have done one lot of testing - and am waiting for daily storms to do the other one !! - These are happening daily - BUT - I keep forgetting to wee in a pot first thing in the morning - and as it seems - they need me to start and stop samples from first thing in the morning - Anyway - I have done one lot - and the EX took it ALL THE WAY UP TO LONDON on the train - He well and truly took the piss !! ;) Thank God he didnt have an accident !! Explain that one !

Now I am waiting to start my next lot of tests so they have the two to compare - they also have results from one taken two years ago !! ( Which was Borderline but nothing was done ! ) After they have the second lot - i will wait a week - and ring them - and then wait a few days - AND HOUND THEM !! - Because Joking aside - MY LIFE IS SHITE !!!

I had two good weeks - where i didnt 'storm' daily - but had to sleep in the afternoon - and was still very anxious - but could control it myself - I came off the diazepam totally for three weeks - and then Sunday just gone - I got soooo uncontrolably irritable - ( mildly used ! ) that i had to take 6 .... Then i went to sleep - Once i woke - I nicked the car keys - Managed to drive the car round the block and came home - as i was almost sure i was going to cause a crash - my eyesight was far too blurry and i had no peripheral vision - Also if someone beeped at me or was rude - THEY WOULDNT STAND A CHANCE IN HELL AGAINST ME IN THAT CONDITION - Id have beaten them to a pulp .... When i say i go HULK - I mean it - I have tried to pull doors off and throw them at my nealry (!) 70 year old SPRIGHTLY mother ( BUT LOOKS NOT A DAY OVER 40 ;) !!! ) - and now am having thoughts that scare even me, I am petrified that if i am left alone with the kids - if they start an arguement between each other - ( Normal kid stuff ) I WILL GO APE and i am terrified that i cant stop myself - I have already thrown a chair at my 12 year old son - and whenever they argue - i have to leave the rom - otherwise i am going to do something i dont want to - im not talking swearing - i do that all the time - im meaning violent ...... NOT ME AT ALL - I HAVE NOT EVEN BEEN IN SO MUCH AS A FIGHT ALL OF MY LIFE - i havnt ever hit anybody - even at school - or tried to - Its not in my nature - Yes - I shout and slam doors - But NEVER have i been aggressive - I walk away - usualy to the Loo, slamming the door and screaming maybe !! - and sit there - usually crying !! - and now - omg - its all i can do is NOT be aggressive - over nothing - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING - and i will win any fight - i feel like i have the strength of 20 men - i am NOT scared of losing or scared of anything - Full of confidence - It petrifies me - ohhhhhhhhhhhhh went off on one then - and dont know what im doing now !! lol.....................

Daily - I wake - same time every morning - unless the kittens wake me up ! - Purring - on my back ! OMG !! = Then i will get up - get showered - ready - make up on - and then wake my son up - i then go downstairs - let the dog out - feed the cats and dog - and then clean the litter tray - I put on the kettle and half make coffee, while sorting lunches and putting breakfast on the side for the kids, i then clean and tidy the whole kitchen - and downstairs loo - make the coffee, and go and sit down - Tom will then come and either be fine - and we will have a laugh - usually at something stupid i have done - or he will start an arguement with someone - and  I FLIP and have to go upstairs - if i can calm down - I will - But i may very well need tablets to calm me - i cant usually calm myself - No - Yoga or deep breathing does not help if you are hyperventilating due to extreme Hormone changes ! - Then - I am usually fine - and i will hover and put washing on and clean the upstairs bathroom!

 I will go out with mum tues and weds morning ( and Auntie Gaye on a Friday Morning ) - usually for a M&S Coffee, maybe pop into The Range or somewhere - and then come home - do a bit of housework - and then go to bed - I will wake for the kids to be home about 4.30pm - and then go on the computer - i am totally self absorbed - and cant think about anything else, not even the kids - i have gone into my own world by this point - I will get told dinner is on table - and EVENTUALLY will go out for that - and then I MUST DO THE DISHES - and clean again, then we all sit as a family ( ohhh tues and weds and one day at the weekend  Mum and Dad are here - so the EX can go out - i wont be left alone with the kids - EVER - so we will sit and watch TV or play a game of Articulate ! )  - or that should be 'family' as the EX and I are NOT together - But - we are friends - so - will will watch some TV / a film and then the kids and I go to bed at 9pm - I will stay on the phone - Twitter / youtube / facebook till between 11-1 depending on how tired i am - I am usually EXHAUSTED when i go up at 9pm - but i get up there and thats it - im wide awake - I only go on phone to do something - I dont automatically go on there - i try to sleep first ! - Never happens ! - I have tried not to sleep during the day - BUT = I am so MENTALLY exhausted - i need to go upstairs and just lie there - i may not always be asleep - but i need a quiet dark room !!

On the days Mum and Gaye arnt with me in the morning - i just clean and Brush the Dog and Cats, and play with them in the garden, and Thats about it - If im not too bad - i will attempt to make dinner !! - usually with quite whisical results as i do forget what i start to cook and it turns into something else ! Sometimes - ( OK OK MOST TIMES ) Not edible !! ;) - But i tried !! .... Ohhhh Im so very trying at times ... and dont forget - all of the above is leaving out when i have come out of M&S ( a place i feel comfortable - as i go and have the same thing - and try to sit in the same spot - or if i cant - i will sit where i am comfortable sitting - facing sometimes away - and sometimes facing people - depending on my moood - one that no-one can judge - But - they always go along with my - NO I NEED TO SIT THERE stare ! ) i am staggering and stuttering as i have taken 'in' so much that my brain doesnt work - and maybe we have to go home then - or if we go to the Range - we may not make it all the way round - as i cant stand up - or my head starts to Pain, then i may get to the car and have a mini 'storm' there - IMMENSE PRESSURE / pain in head - stuttering - everything blurry, cant think -  .... Then i may get home and have an 'Anger' Storm and get abusive and threatening and UNCONTROLLABLEY AND UTTERLY DEVISTATINGLY NASTY towards the people i love - Because actually - WHAT A BLOODY SHIT TIME THATS BEEN FOR ME ( Again mememememememememe !! ) !! and then i sleep !!

This is why i Blog and YouTube, and Facebook, and Twitter - To keep myself busy and informed and I try to be positive ( On media websites ) for EVERYONE ELSE - because - you'll usually find - psychologically wise- the people who are the unhappiest - are usually the ones trying to help others or with the biggest smiles ..... at least that makes me feel like im doing soemthing helpful - and im needed - Otherwise - WHAT HAVE I GOT ..... NOTHING ..... NO-ONE WHO LOVES ME ( except Kids, Close family, and the WONDERFUL ANIMALS WHO HAVE NEVER LEFT MY SIDE ) But - thats not what i want - I want to be happy with my kids, and be able to talk about THEM - AND WHAT THEY WANT TO DO without always moving the conversation round to me - ohh well - cant do that because i cant etc etc -  and a guy who loves me - for who i am - and what i stand for - I MISS CUDDLES OF A MAN - AND THE WARM HEARTBEAT AS YOU SLEEP - I HONESTLY HAVE NEVER FELT LOVE PROPERLY - THATS HOW I FEEL - SO - I WANT AND NEED THAT

 and id like to do more with animals - rescuing them or something !!! BUT - who is going to take on a pmsl - NUTTER who likes nothing more than laughing uncontrollabley in ASDA at the Minions she has lined up - or Just being herself - which - yes - is incredibly childish!!!!

THATS MY NORMAL DAY / LIFE - AND PEOPLE ARE JEALOUS OF THAT !