WOKE - on the alarm - Well - NOT LITERALLY - I hadn't moved in the middle of the night and sat on the clock - but - the Alarm went off in usual GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING VIETNAM style, and I sat bolt upright - Just cause I can - and that's it WIDE AWAKE - none of this needing time to get up for me - Never have been like that - once im up - IM UP !! Shite - its ALARM- No time to wash - FREBREZE WAFT - Ohh DONT judge me - If you had of thought of it YOU'D do it - and its just till kids are off and then I can shower ! - Downstairs I go - Ohhh reminded me of a womble that did - don't know why !!! Random thoughts persist on entering my mind on numerous occasion during the day !! You just get used to it and learn to laugh !!
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Anyways - Downstairs I go - and do my usual OCD ( Or as my son Tom says - CDO - as THATS the right order ;) !! ) MORNING CHORES - breakfast for kids on table - orange - 3 of 7 a day ready ( usually only 2 get eaten but I WILL persist on putting three there ! ) Let dog out, COFFEE, and THIS FINE MORNING IS BIN DAY ! - Ohhhh The Joys !! = So -off I go - bagging and ready to bin - open front door - and BLOODY HELL - the ENTIRE contents of what seems to be EVERYBODY on the streets Bins - is on my bloody garden !! - NOT a scrap anywhere else to be seen = JUST MY FRONT LAWN AND DRIVE !! - I thought nothing, oh hang on yes I did - I was pee'd off and rather excited to see a M&S pack of Sausages on MY FRONT LAWN = Caramalised Red Onion and Apple - HOME BRED - Linconshire Sausage no less - and Ohhhhhh Now THAT DID SOUND LOVELY !! - Whoever had those - I WAS GOING TO INTRODUCE MYSELF TOO !! - Hang on - M&S Vietnamese Whirls, M&S Lasagne for one - M&S Maple Syrup Pancakes - M&S LOO ROLLS - Pleasssse = WHO BUYS LOO ROLLS FROM M&S ?? They are extortionate VERY PRETTY - BUT EXTOR- maybe they just use them for decoration - Yes - that MUST BE IT !! - But - this person is a rather well to do sort - and buys EVERYTHING from M&S - IN MY STREET !! - They must HATE me having my ADSA shop once a week !! Ohh Hang on - I know M&S have started selling Bra's and Pants in Larger sizes - These would be FANTASTIC for me - Being a BIG Beautiful Woman - and instead of being just Fat - I COULD BE M&S FAT ;) ! Fabulous !! pmsl - Must try to find out whose this litter is
ANYWAY = I tried picking up the litter = but on the 5th attempt - it started my head spinning and I couldn't see very well - LMAO - ( See Blog re Brain Tumour !!! ) so - I decided not to bother - and id get one of the kids to do it in a minute - So - I went to the bin and pulled - or rather DRAGGED it to the front of the driveway and within this time - I had forgotton that my head was dodgy and tried again to pick up the litter = lmao - ARSE OVER TIT !! - FFS !! =
I did go in this time - grazed knees and hurt pride ( I hope no-one was looking as im sure I must have kicked the bin as I walked past ! ) anyways - made my coffee and sat in front room - and then ....... out of the corner of my eye - I saw some figure ( No - It wasn't hooded ) PICKING UP MY M&S LITTER - HOW BLOODY RUDE !!!!! - I may have wanted to keep it on my front lawn, pmsl - ok - MOST people would have gone to the door - BUT - Me being me Hid !! - OHHH STOP LAUGHING - I squeezed as far into the sofa as I could - but then decided that the light was on - and im sure the loitering picker upper would see me - so I got on the floor - as all good Spy's do - and crawled out of the front room - OH SHUT UP - I went to the loo - as ANYONE WHO IS ANYONE -knows THIS is the safest room in any house - I hid there - and waited - and waited !! - AND WAITED - There was ALOT OF RUBBISH ! = anyway - Phew - at last = I went back to finish my nearly cold full cup of coffee, big release of breath - lovely - THEN THE BLOODY LOITERED POPPED UP RIGHT BY MY WINDOW - she had been out of sight under the window sill - Of Course - Being the Jumpy mare that I am - I jumped - spilt my coffee - and SWORE VERY LOUDLY as I tend to do quite often - but more so when startled !
But = OK - It's Marie - The neighbour = A neighbour - not THE one !! - She's ok - ( Its her Husband who is the Twat - don't get me started on THAT !! ) Anyways - she seen me and I HAVE TO GO OUT = BIG SMILE = Im not my mothers daughter for anything !! ;) - FFS - " Hello Marie, You didn't have to do this - id have got the kids to do it in a bit - I couldn't do the bending without going dodgy - She knows I have the Tumour - " - Awwwwwwww That's okey Abbbbbey - im an Eeeeejit ( She is Irish ! ) .. I lefff all the rubbish and the sormmms wafted it your way - im so sorrryy lassie ( oh no - Lassie is Scottish !_ pmsl ! Well a dog too- but that's another story - Ohh No its not -YES IT IS !! PMSL - ok ok - ) I shall get it picked up in no time ! " - I then proceeded to tell her that Thank God it was her rubbish on my garden, as she does have Superious Rubbish and not mine on hers - She looked at me funny - Well I said - YOU have M&S and I go to Asda, AND - we are crap at sorting the different types - youd end up with Used Bloody Tissues - from Tom having a nose bleed and Baby Wipes ( Use ur imagination here - NO I DONT HAVE A BABY ! ) on your garden - as well as ASDA Smartprice wrapping !! = and then that was it - I fell about laughing - she didn't quite have my sence of humour - Must be the Irish in her !! She did kinda back away rather funnily ?? Odd woman ! But - She cleaned the Mystery of the M&S Rubbish - so all good !! AND THAT WASNT EVEN A JOKE - Happy Aprils Fools Everyone !!
Oh yeah the kids got off safe to school and all is well atm !!
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That poor neighbour. She'll never be the same again....
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