it's not even 9.30am yet !!!

Birds flying High
you know what i feel
sun in the sky
youuuuuu know what i feel
sun drifting on byyyyyyye
you know what i feel
It's a new dawn - a new day - a new life
for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
and im feeling goooooooooooood !

OK - OK - I did not write that - but i bloody well sung it - and i hope you did too !! - What a fab song - defo a feel good one - and one to start the day to ! I'm obviously talking the Nina Simone Version - although I have to put in - im not opposed to the Michael Bubs rendition !! 

I have not blogged for ages - and i am missed - OHHHH SHUT UP - I AM !  - So - I thought - a quick one as i have been very very rudely awaken - awoken - ?? - by Peggaty !! 

In fact -
ALL ANIMALS WERE INVOLVED BUT NOT HURT IN THE MAKING OF THIS BLOG
Now - do i go into details - ? - well - as it is part of my life - It would be rude not too !! -
PeggatyPawz - Now a almost 15 year old Retriever / German Shepherd - GORGEOUS old girl

- so happy - if selectively deaf and blind and a tad demented - oh and she has had a stroke - just a slight one - but - well - it can happen to us all !! Well - had her since a pup - and bless her - best old dog EVER - she has been there for me through it all - Through 'Normal Abby ness = ( although i am sure i was never 'normal' - what is 'Normal' anyways ?! ) right through my TRANSFORMATION into The person i am today !! - Not person - MEDICAL PHENOMENON !! * Takes bow *
Anyway - Was Lying in bed - think i am NOT getting up - even though I have been awake for at least an hour - i am actually not tired - ( went to bed at 2.30 am - my sleeping patterns are shot ! ) and have a Tired Rodney to attend too ;) -

Then it hit me - THE SMELL - Oh My God - Peggaty - I knew - i just knew - anyway - Rodney sneezes - ( you seriously could not write it - ) and jumps off me - and at full pelt RUNS for his life - Derek - whom is at end of bed ... runs after Rodney - and Dave decides this behaviour is totally unacceptable and chases both - crashing into the banister rail at the top of the stairs - the ones both cats jump through !  

Oh ok - I should add - Derek & Rodney are the Cats - and Dave is the dog - and although i do have a " NO ANIMAL ON FURNITURE " RULE - They all break this - giving no thought or respect to the Owner and Alpha of the pack - THAT'S ME ! -  except Peggaty - Who - if she could - she would - but she can no longer get upstairs !!  Peggaty is the other dog - they are who i share my life with - as well as the kids - But - at the moment - they are with their dad - who left cause i was too unruly !! * Big Smile * !!

Anyways - Down i go to be faced with Pegstar Trying to get her bulk up off the floor - God Love her - She is The Fattest but Lovliest dog ever - She can hardly move now cause she is so large - BUT - she try's - She is on a diet - but - Pa - Diet Smiat she says - She Loves Food - that's the retriever in her - anyways - she walks through oblivious - oblivious to the items that are being expelled from her back end - no idea she is incontinent in any way - OMG OMG - THE BACK DOOR IS GOING TO BE OPENED - AND THAT MEANS - CATT FOOOOOD !! - Peg - Loves - Cat Food !! She walks through - and as i walk - i hop over lumps of poop as i pass - Dave walks behind me - and hops - as i do - SERIOUSLY - It has to be seen to be believed - Derek & Rodney Then emerge from the Sitting room - Derek First - then Rodney - and in line - follow - No-one passes - All ( Yes - IM TOTALLY SERIOUS ) ' HOPPING' as i walk ... * shakes head * - anyway - open - back door - and SCREAM - PEGGATY LEAVE THE CAT FOOD - YOUR NOT A CAT - YOUR A BLOODY DOG - !! 

and drag her away from the food - as i let her and Dave in the Garden - WHY - I don't know - Peg is OK - she feels MUCH better !! - But = NOW - Well - Derek decides he is Mad cat / one of those horses who picks up the paws really high / prancing / meowing / hyper STARving - running from one end of conservatory to the other Cat who needs food NOW - 
Rodney just sits - Sits and looks !! Rodney is sitting - observing - good as gold cat !! 

BUT ... I need to be on Poo Patrol - So - Off i go - I grab the extra large ( GSD x Retriever dog- NOT a Yorkie ! ) bags - Yes - Thats BAGS ! and Disinfectant and a scourer and go searching !! - A whole new world of discoverment ( yes it is a word ) for me !! THIS IS WHY PEGGATY IS NOW ON A STRICT (! - OMG EVEN IM LAUGHING !) diet of JUST dry food - I could NOT be doing with a Diarrhoea dog at 6am !! - well - at any time !! - Anyways - This is when the fun begins - Yup - I have not taken meds - NOT had a coffee - Not had a wee - and am a tad - ermmm - excitable atm !! Bend over - Pick up a lump  ( Peg does not do it all in one spot - she walks about ! ) - and Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - Nose up bottom - Dave has let himself in - and is telling me he is back in the vacinity and i can relax ! - THANKS DAVE ! - CAN THE DOG NOT JUST BARK !! He now gets in line and follows me - ( Everywhere ! ) OK - Undies re-adjusted - and Off we go - new Lump - OMG - New Lump New Day - and we are full cycle Back to Nina Simone again - except - we are not - it does not stop there - I carry on with Poop Patrol / Dave behind me - Derek STILL flying in the conservatory - he is SURE that i have forgotten he NEEDS feeding - Anyway - so much 'head down - head up ' action has started MY OWN ISSUES Off - and i feel a tad - dizzy / giddy / Bloody pressurey - and SHIT - yup - Lump of - on foot - OHHHHHH BUM !! 

OK - Now im getting a tad narked and start to think about things i don't wanna think about - and hop - to the sink - well - this is where it gets ridiculas - Due to my illness - I can hardly walk - let alone hop - so - i manage to get as little 'poop' over the floor as possible - but - I then decide that - OF COURSE I CAN GET MY FOOT IN THE SINK - I'M VERY VERY NIMBLE AND FLEXIBLE I HAVE YOU KNOW - ( im so not ! ) OK - 5 ... 6 ... 7 ... 8 go's at heaving my MORE THAN AMPLE LEG into sink - and i stop - nope - aint gonna happen ! - OHHHHHHH 1 .. 2 .... 3 more goes - NOPE - STOP ABBY - IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN -  so - t'towel on floor - and i wipe my foot enough to then coax my almighty ( and yet VERY SEXY ;) ) self to the floor - give a MY FOOT AND TOES a good wash over with washing up liquid and then - just in case - i stick a bag over my foot - finish the job of cleaning and mopping and falling about - then - i go shower - I wont mention the fact i forget i have bag on foot and get into shower - which is a huge feat ( pardon pun ) in itself - anyways - for once i don't fall over ( I have major 'issues' using arms and concentrating - due to my illness ) but - i manage to clean - and shower beautifully - get dressed - and come back down stairs - then - make coffee - and sit down - awwwwwwwwwwwwwww LOVELY - and knock knock - WHO'S BLOODY THERE  ...Had Jehovah Witnesses up knocking .. n where as i am usually full of tact and ..... ok ok Abby n tact dont go together..but im respectful n polite... polite ( usually ) .. but this morning has been particularly tough and it's not even 10am yet  .. ... but being sincerely polite was made harder by having one DAVE Dog pretending to be a noisy nosy ninja trying to commando roll through my legs with 'andrew' his teddy bear in mouth

 n another PEGGATYPAWZ dog barking n growling as though i was about to be attacked by a Army of vampire nuns dressed as sumo wrestlers AND - Derek and Rodney came running to see if it was the kids returning i think - The poor J/W's - got a short sharp - NO and slammed the door ... i will leave u with those thoughts but apologise to the J/W if reading this !! Xxx

My World : Living with #animals - My #Morning - and it's not ...

My World : Living with #animals - My #Morning - and it's not ...: Awww BLESS - Rodney woke me at 5am for a hug - he needs hugs - he is precious !!  Yes - I am the sort of Furry Mother that has the animal...

Living with #animals - My #Morning - and it's not 9am yet !

Awww BLESS - Rodney woke me at 5am for a hug - he needs hugs - he is precious !! 
Yes - I am the sort of Furry Mother that has the animals with me as i sleep - ! - 
Then he got fed up after 27 mins of me being very uncomfortable with his bum in my face by turning round and 'passion' biting my hand - a little kiss later and he jumped off - i got back to sleep THEN The 'Toy' I thought Derek woke me up playing with - was actually a mouses head !! Nice - RIP Little Stuart 



....




Then - Mother texts to reminds me of taking my tablets - so i decide that the world is against me now ( and actually think someone is walking towards my bed - muttering " Out or down! Here I come, with a sharp knife and a clear conscience! " - Yup - so up i get - eventually - 
OK - considering i am still on a Mattress on the floor - ( Even tho it is now refunded and a FREEEEE mattress - and VERY comfy ) But - getting my humungous - although has to be said very lovely and sexy frame from the floor is something that could be chronicled in it's own half hour documentary show Mmmmmm maybe narrated by David Attenburgh - If he is still alive - if not - Ohhhhh Tennant could do it ! LOVELY !! 






Anyway i have my own way of getting up - Please be aware that it is not all to do with my HULK - but because when i actually move - my head decides to stop - or my brain stops telling my feet what to do - so - anyways - i have devised a PLAN - i kneel on the mattress - feet on floor - put one foot in bent position and sing to myself 

Brace yourself here !! 

You are supreme the chicks'll scream for grease lightning  Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go

and by the end of the last GO - my bottom is in the air and i have gained momentum to STAND UP ! - 

YAYYYYYYYYY ERRATIC JUMPING AND EBULLIENT CLAPPING ALL ROUND FROM THE AUDIENCE OF DEREK AND RODNEY - Peggaty Does not really come upstairs anymore





 .. So - Down i went .....

Mmmm Funny smells - and a PeggatyPawz looking VERY Embarrassed - Then - out of the corner of my eye - a - ermmm - Nugget shall we call it - of Poo - and another - and another - and it went on - and on - all the way to the back door - Peggaty Had an accident - No Shit Sherlock - Mmmm - Well - Thats NOT STRICTLY TRUE NOW IS IT !! - There was - LOTS OF IT !!! EVERYWHERE ..
But - she can manage to almost assult me as she strained to propell herself into the conservatory to get the cat food left overs from last night - 
After eating this she THEN decides to go through to open door to the garden !!! 


NO MY FRIENDS AND TRUST LOVED ONES - it does NOT end there !!!




I manage to feed the cats with tiny meows from a sitting down Rodney and Derek being an absolute twit, running backwards and forwards at top speed because he is so so so excited at seeing the food fork ! ...... Well - i feed them - and Derek decides he does not actually want feeding and so goes out - Not " out out " - Just in the garden " out " Taking in the fresh breeze .... 
Walking back in the Kitchen - i notice the rest of the mouse that Derek had the head of - using as a football in my bedroom - Pick it up - throw in bin - sign of the cross - Stand Back - Step on Derek who had followed me - and was watching - Just watching - MEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW - 




Out through the door at top lightening speed - Ohhh for the love of God - I go to back door - step in cat food bowl because PeggatyPawz has since Commando like snuck back in the conservatory - pushed Rodney out of the way - and is polishing off the aftermath of Breakfast - how one cat can make so much mess is nobodies business - anyways - food removed from bowl - I turn around to go back in - my foot slips from under me because it has a jelly like substance on it - smelling rather like salmon ( Felix i believe ) and i go Arse over Ample Tit to the floor - well - im sorry - but the first thing that springs to mind - " SHITTING ARSEHOLES " At the TOP of my voice - " FUCKING DOG " - Laughter from the fence - bugger - the door is not shut - I then start laughing - and have a lick on the nose from Peggaty !! - she always apologises !! - Ohhh NOW I HAVE TO GET UP ALL OVER AGAIN - Que - Grease Music

 .....................

OHHH LIVING WITH ANIMALS !! 

MY 10th Pituitary MRI - INVISIBLE ILLNESS

I was scheduled to have my 10th MRI.

  I woke bright and early on a Friday morning.They always ask and it's a  good thing do as i would forget, they asked me to wear clothes without buttons or zippers. I woke up, sipped a cup of strong hot coffee, took a quick shower, and threw on a clean dress, at 7:00 AM, I looked like I'd just rolled out of bed, anyway. My appt was not till 2pm - but - i like to be ready - seriously - i'm ready and early everywhere i go ! 

This particular MRI was an interesting experience - I still can`t decide if it`s one of the most comfortable medical tests I've ever had to endure, or one of the funniest. I cant really comment on the differences between an open and a closed MRI; I don`t know that it would`ve made all that much difference to me, since I`m not the least bit claustrophobic, and actually rather enjoy the whole experience ! 

A handsome technician helped me into the tube of fun and strapped my head in place. I nervously remarked that a first name usually was required before I allowed anyone to tie me in a bed. He didn’t laugh but ordered me to hold still! Masterful - i like !! 

Oh ok - for those that don't know - or have not followed my - erm - life - I have a Pituitary Disorder which is Tumors or Tumor on the Pituitary Gland ( The gland that controls your whole body ! )  - It  is a chronic illness and receives very little media or popular attention - One of the issues is the Weight Gain , among many many other symptoms - and weight and an MRI Machine is a very interesting scenario !  The world-at-large knows little of our affliction, They look at us and just see a FATTY ! - Then with words of encouragment such as " Loose weight Fatty " or " Go to Weight Watchers - or Do some Exercise " we carry on regardless - TRYING !! 

Although doctors continue studying the syndrome and have thankfully discovered means by which many can control their symptoms, there is no known cure apart from surgery - Many of which get rid of the tumor - but then the damage is done and many symptoms are left .... Ohhh and that's Surgery which i can't have - for whatever reason ! 

Back to the MRI - On the one hand, the table was not so hard, the technician put a nice cushion under my knees to keep my back comfortable, and he placed pads at my ears to keep my head from moving and help block out the sound. The room was neither too hot, nor too cold. A popular radio station provided a little background noise. All in all, it was comfortable. Lovely - nice and relaxing - Then up went the table - Mm - Even i knew it was tight !! Oh - VERY TIGHT !! Oh VERY VERY VERY TIGHT - Mrs Barry - Can you put your arms over your head - OK - That was Polite- i didnt fit with my arms at my side anymore - GREAT - and seriously - ive not been hungry or eaten for two days !! - and before that just fruit andDinners cooked by mother !!  - OK - Arms over head now - still more than relaxed - as - yes - i know i'm HUGE - but  - omg - i'm bloody sexy and fabulous too !! 

Now - I have used this machine before - and i am 100% sure - 4 months ago - i was fine in it - i fitted and all was comfy - 4 months on - and - well - i was wondering - I heard the machine start up again and in i went - i got i, safe and sound - but - would i get out again ?!!

 Anyways - even the noise of the machine once it gets going doesn't upset me, the MRI does sound a bit like a pile driver on speed and a distant jackhammer, punctuated by the occasional staple gun. Having that heavy piece of equipment hovering over your nose for well over an hour does make you wonder, idly, what your head would look like if the thing collapsed. The worst part, though, was the technician`s asking me "are you ok - Dont move." Well - how can i answer without nodding !! 

Don't nod - . Now, that`s like saying "don`t think about pink elephants." Suddenly nodding became the one overwhelming obsession of my life. For a few minutes, I confused nodding with breathing, and thought maybe I should not do either one. Then I was not sure if it was possible to breathe without nodding. My tongue seemed to be glued to the back of my throat, obstructing my airway. I was aware of sensations related to nodding and the anatomy of my neck that Ive never given a thought to before in my life!

For a few minutes, right after the thumping noises got started, I had this barely controllable urge to laugh. The more I tried not to, the harder it was to contain myself. That was bad. I tried to imagine, again, what my head would look like if the machine collapsed upon my nose. Strangely, that only increased my urge to giggle.

Then I was hyperconscious of the need to pee. Given that I`d just toured the facilities a minute before hopping onto the table, it had to be a combination of early-morning coffee and excitement, but I was unable to think of anything but nodding, laughing, and trying not to disgrace myself for nearly 60 minutes! All went quiet in the chamber of secrets - and For all I knew, they were deciding which body parts to extract and sell on the black market. Then a queasy feeling predicted a pending passing of gas. I bit my tongue, pinched my side, and tried to focus on a pastoral scene in a green meadow beside a babbling brook.. I fidgeted.

“Please hold still,” came the sexy tech's voice from outside the shaft of shame.

I was trapped and helpless and so my now nervous body did what it does best: it farted. I released gas with the intensity and conviction of a team of sumo wrestlers after a chili-eating contest. And the confined space caused the sound to be amplified as if a dozen foghorns had simultaneously activated. I didn’t know whether to cry, giggle, or call my son and brag.

“Well now, I think we have enough images,” the handsome technician said, suppressing a laugh.

After the tests were done, I was helped up amid wafts of rather interesting scent and i - head down - giggling went to put my bra back on !! - Next time i go for a MRI - I am - without doubt going to ask to go to Margate - THEY ALL FART THERE !! xx

People and their Pets

OK- so - people now asking about ME and where i get my humor !! - lolol - Funny - as everyone else telling about how Horny they are !!!



But ooooooook !!

well - Life's a shit - so - if you can make someone else happy n smile - then YAYY - ER ER ERRRRRRR !!
That seriously is all there is too it - there is to much droopy in todays world and so a bitta upper's is good huh !



I draw on life experience - and ok - i have not had a lot of sexual experience - ( Although i'm well up for starting with the right guy ! ) BUT i look back on work and hobbies and attachments made ....


LIFE IS FUNNY -



Take the time I worked in a Veterinary Centre - I was standing in on a consultation and the surgeon prescribed an inhaler for a patients cat allergy. He came back a week later saying he was none the better. Turns out, he was spraying the inhaler on the cat - seriously !!!

Then there are some of the comments while on reception - I kept my own book of some of these - including -

Huskies dont get fleas.

Besides having contact with a male, is there any other way my cat could have gotten pregnant?

How much is a quarter cup of food?

I have a large-medium to large-small sized dog.

Shes okay until she bites.

On a follow-up phone call, when asking the owner how their dog is doing, she replied, Well, I have no idea, hes downstairs!




Condensed conversation (actually took about 20 minutes on the phone): I want to get those yeast pills! I know my dog has yeast because hes peeing everywhere! I think he got the yeast problem because he eats so much damn bread! He loves that damn bread! You want me to get urine? How am I supposed to get urine out of him?!

If I have a dog and its always been an outside dog, and you make him an inside dog, will that make him die? My boyfriends book says so.

and seriously - my personnel fav to date

On the phone: I wont be able to pay you, because Im only five feet tall and my husband left the charge card on top of the tv and I cant reach it.

No word of a lie - the list is almost endless !!!